Ah, Grasshopper, you are wise...maybe I am the grasshopper. We need to look for Christmas within our hearts - which is true. I looked inside and realized, Christmas really isn't in my heart. There is nothing authentic in the day, which makes it hard to truly celebrate. I go through the motions, waiting for Christmas magic. Maybe Christmas is like falling in love or getting a new job. Everyone else seems so happy and content - we wonder what is wrong with us and our relationships. Maybe it's like the alcoholic pattern of looking good, in order to hide the fact that it's not. Maybe we're all covering.
What's really cool is that you are defending Christmas!
But I feel adrift, trying to find the meaning for me. Every culture celebrates the solstice, in some way. The end of the dark, in December, and the coming of the darker times, in June, are important. There is something human about feeling that connection. I think maybe all the hype, the songs, the movies - it draws us away from connection. We don't feel connected to the Earth, or so often - to each other. And so we look at what we're supposed to do, and try to fit in, and just get through it!
My daughter is torn between making a perfect Christmas for her baby, and - no playing Christmas carols! We talked about: There's No Such Thing As a Perfect Christmas. (Every mother should explain this to their children...the true facts of life!) But, now is time to think about which traditions are important to her, to establish in her family.
This weekend, we are making gingerbread houses. I have the local grandkids here - which of course leaves a hole where I wish the other two were with me, also. I had forgotten how bad an idea mixing sugar and three-year-olds can be. Somehow, yesterday, Emmy got frosted. She was green and sweet!
You mentioned discovering Santa was not real, and what that meant to you. I found out when we lived on that last army base. I was looking for something - I think it snowed and we wanted to sled, and I found everything. I made a mental list, and compared to Christmas morning. Yep, everything had been there before Christmas. For me, it was an "aha" moment. But what changed in me was the realization that we are all Santa. We all have the privilege and joy of giving things to people without expecting acknowledgement and thanks. And that, in a way, it was even cooler when the recipient didn't know. It made life more magic.
As I said, I never taught my kids about Santa. And when they each asked me if Santa was real I said, "Either you believe in the magic or you don't." When they no longer believed in that myth, I taught them that now they were Santa. They had to find secret ways to make people happy. I caught my middle child going down the street once, with a pocketful of dimes, feeding the parking meters. There's Santa!
Another day of gingerbread and candy and sappy movies. I made an executive decision that we will decorate each wall, and store them for the trip to their house, and to be kept in the fridge here. Then we will assemble them at Christmastime. The kids will help me make dinner, and we'll all eat together tonight, with their parents, before they go home. My granddaughter likes to post the menu on the chalkboard.
It's early-morning-quiet, but if I know my grandson, it will be over soon. Forward!!
With Love,
Clare
When did you find out about Santa? Was it our (the older sibs) fault?
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