Bah?

I like the idea of Divine intimacy.  I think that phrase will stay with me for a while.

The baby was sick for the first time.  Then my daughter and I both had a milder case - a visit from the last virus making the rounds and disrupting digestive tracts.  So we were all out of it last night.  My daughter took the baby to the doctor this afternoon.  The worst is over, but we still have to watch for signs of dehydration.

I don't know if there is a perfect Christmas.  So many years I just want to get through it.  My beliefs clash with cultural expectations.  I never told my kids about Santa.  But I didn't dispute what culture taught them.  That's sort of how I play Christmas.

We have simplified Christmas by having the adults exchange names.  That way no one is burdened by too much shopping.  We all buy gifts for the kids.

I'm working every day until Christmas Eve.  There will be no time to do much preparation.  The house is still not back in order from Thanksgiving.  I'm moving into my annual numbness - let's just get through this.  It is so different from the comfort of Thanksgiving.

Christmas is joyed-up by grandchildren.  We are going to make gingerbread houses.  As I was discussing that with my older granddaughter, I had this momentary return to the gingerbread houses we made together years ago.  They were quite "rustic".  I remember yours didn't even make it to your apartment.  Your friends downed all that sugar in the elevator...

I do like the traditions.  We have certain foods we always eat.  I also like the way Christmas day feels like a day set apart from all others.  I really like the way we can't figure out what day it is after a good holiday.

When my kids were little, we put Nana's creche up on December 1.  All of the figurines were in place except for the baby.  I also had a small box full of hay.  Every time one of my kids did something good or kind or helpful, they were supposed to get one piece of hay and put it in the creche.  The goal was to make the barn warm and cozy for the baby.  On Christmas Eve, after we read and had sleepy-time tea, and before going to bed, the youngest put the baby in the barn with the rest of the characters.

I miss the little kid years.

One year, we had no money, my daughter and I each spent $10 at the Chinese dollar store.  It was funny.  And memorable.

I don't know if I ever believed in Christmas...That's why I search at this time of year.  There has to be something significant, something worth celebrating during solstice.

Love and hugs and sweet dreams,

Clare