regaining balance

It's interesting...you fell for your ex because he told you that you were beautiful...
my first love never told me that I was beautiful...
he told me that I was cute...
but never pretty or beautiful.
When we met up at the reunion he was surprised that I recalled that fact...
but it settled deep into my brain and stuck...
It's funny how those omissions hurt.
I remember when husband told me (and still does) that I am beautiful...
I couldn't believe it...it doesn't resonate with me.
I will claim smart, independent, capable, even compassionate...but never beautiful.
We are the product of our upbringing.

Today I was talking with a friend about Thanksgiving. She told me about an activity that her family has embraced...Japanese flying lanterns. They are paper lanterns with a small candle inside that act as a hot air balloon. She said that they write their gratitude, troubles, or blessings on them and then light and release them (they are biodegradable so they don't hurt the environment). We are going to NC for Thanksgiving with husband's brother's family. I ordered some lanterns and think that I am going to carefully consider what to release on Thanksgiving day. I may have to release a dozen to cover everything that I am letting go of and thankful for...It gives me something to think about.

So today I spent my day re-balancing. I have been hyped from last week's conference and being in the city. I could feel my brain buzzing. I thoughtfully made myself move out of my head and into my body. I cleaned, folded laundry, walked in the cold, sat quietly...and I was able to settle back into balance...a balance between my brain and body. It feels good.

I made a list several weeks ago of all of the short term projects that I've taken on...they sap my energy because they have frequent deadlines. So I am checking them off as I complete them...it's a visual reward that I have one less thing on my plate...and I am trying to not add more as I move along.

I am very close to finally sending that research article to a journal for consideration. I have revised it multiple times and feel as if it is as far as I can take it. I hope they can see the value of the work.

Love and Light,
Maggie