a short chorus...

The wish to heal someone else is the ultimate in codependence.  We hide from our own problems by focusing on those of the wished-for-beloved's.  I know that won't work.  I learned experientially, and the lesson was branded into me.

I have done a lot of my work alone.  I read a lot of books, talked to a lot of people, went to Al-Anon, went to RC.  But I was working on myself.  And I have learned a lot.  I recognize many of the overt patterns, and see the effects our childhood pain has on our adult behaviors and successes...

What I suddenly wondered is if two damaged people, who are aware, could heal each other while healing themselves.  I guess I am wondering if this work could be done in an intimate relationship, instead of alone - instead of working on myself.  If both people are aware and willing to take the time to state their feelings, their discomforts, could they support each other and find safety and ..and... maybe take turns parenting - to fill in those gaps left by the clumsy or even evil parenting we initially received.

It was all just a flood into my brain while thinking of my son and his wife....

I'll wait to hear your response.

Love,  Clare