Slow motion

Clare,

Sorry for the mini-sabbatical…
actually it was not restful at all.

My big dog has been very sick. She slowed WAY down over the weekend and by Monday was nearly lethargic. She laid on the floor all day, barely lifting her head and occasionally wagging her tail when I said her name. She refused to eat. She drank little, and she had a fever. We took her to the vet yesterday, who kept her overnight because she had blood work that showed acute infection as well as dehydration. She got IV fluids and antibiotics overnight, finally peeing in the morning after about 24 hours or more of no urine. Her urine shows kidney damage, the blood work shows liver damage. This morning her temp was back up to 104.8 and the vet believes she has leptospirosis…a bacterial infection. They changed her antibiotic and she perked up by this afternoon. My oldest and I visited her at the vet and she was so excited to see us- her whole body was wagging. She was so sad when we left her there again. One more night to make sure she's responding, then she can come home. I have been worried about her survival. My oldest told me today, "she is definitely your dog", because of the way she responds to my presence. But, last summer she spent weeks by my side as I recuperated from my surgery. She had to be forced to leave to eat and go outside to poop and pee. We have a mutual admiration. Anyway, it looks like the worst is behind her now.

I think you are on to something with your self-analysis. Perhaps you are one of the "light-bearers" sent to lead, by word and example, the younger generation of indigos. It's not easy living outside the "norm" and yet you stay there comfortably.

Hermits still need interaction with other beings…
they aren't totally isolated.
They choose when, where, and how often they connect.

I love that your flowers are "in your face" with their messages.

A nearby community houses a detention center for illegal immigrants. My Meeting has worked hard to raise awareness and push for their rapid release of detainees to family or local communities. With the court ruling in California many of these detainees have been released. One family, from China, has been sponsored by our Meeting. The father is a psychologist who leaked information to the press about the mis-diagnosis and pharmaceutical treatment of political dissidents. He fled with his wife and daughter to avoid detention himself. I am amazed by the courage of this man and his family. I hope to be able to spend time with them as they settle into life in our county.

I am not feeling particularly "purpose driven" these days.
I though that I was being called upon to open my life and home to the foster child…
but he's chosen to give his family a little more time to come through for him.
I thought that I would finish a project for my former employer by the end of the summer…
but I haven't picked it up since early July.
I am reading materials to put into my proposed course for the spring term…
but haven't put together an outline on paper or computer.
My life seems to be in slow motion…
kind of wandering aimlessly…
but I actually do trust that it is leading me somewhere.

Tomorrow is another day of listening…
trying to hear their pain and point out their rationalizations.
I had a client this past week who is struggling with her kids…
she is living in 2 rooms with them and a dog…
and insists upon arranging and rearranging the furniture…
to the point that her older daughter had a meltdown because she just wants to spend time with her…
I tried to gently point out the furniture moving and organizing was a distraction because she really doesn't know what good parenting is…
she had a horrendous childhood…
multiple caregivers, each abusing or neglecting her in some way…
perhaps she is avoiding rather than confronting her own lack of self-confidence…
self-confidence isn't the right word…
She was offended at first…
thinking I was criticizing her parenting…
then she kind of understood what I was saying…
I hope that by next week she will have observed her own behaviors enough to become aware of the patterns.
I am never sure if my approach is correct…
but I try to be as honest as possible.
I try to listen until a clear message comes to me that I share with the client…
kind of like a Quaker Meeting.

I hope you have a peaceful night.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie