post-fest for me

Hi Maggie...

So the potential new son might be a two-fer-one deal.   What are you thinking?  Is it possible to take both?  I know it is possible to keep them in close touch with each other.  Why did you not know about the sibling from the beginning?

One of my closest friends recently bought a lake house.  She said we could use it whenever we liked...consider ourselves family.  But she also said that while hostessing is fun, having to be responsible for everyone, having to make conversation, etc. was not always the point. It was okay if we both brought books and disappeared into them.

It seems to me your vacation has turned into a hostessing event.  That is so different than a vacation...

I hope you find balance.
 
I spent yesterday at the fest, but came home earlyish with all local grandchildren. We had a sleep-over so parents could have a free, long night at the fest.  I went back again today for most of the afternoon with my youngest and her babe.  Hung out a lot with a closest friend.  After we left the fest, we stopped at the lake house and jumped in the lake.  Then we had local ice cream and came home.  We laughed a lot, which was good.

At the fest, I had, as I have every year, that strong sense of being alone in a crowd - of not really belonging to a people.  The aforementioned friend says she often feels the same. Maybe it's being middle aged and single.  Middle aged women are invisible.  It's nice, but it's difficult...ah, paradox.  A family friend hugged Daughter, and didn't see me right away...I know the fest is chaotic, and he did see me, and did greet me warmly, but it sort of dug in that feeling of invisibility.

But maybe it's better not to see me.  A F/friend I haven't seen for a while saw me and said I looked fabulous.  I said I didn't feel fabulous.  Then, internally, I slapped my mouth and ordered myself to just say Thank You in the future. Good Lord, what is wrong with me!

The other little point I wanted to mention was being at the lake.  I decided not to jump in.  Instead I sat and watched the water in the sunset light - that liquid gold time of night...The water was calm, rolling. There were no speed boats or jet skis, so the water gave the impression of having one skin - supple and moving.  It was beautiful, and it let me know it is alive.  I sort of heard that all water is one water...

So I hope you have time to sit and watch the wter when you get to the island...


Love and hugs from Clare