family

Poor Mama,

I feel your pain.

Mine try to fix each other, too.  They criticize and sort of turn on each other.  Two of them try to force the youngest to grow up.  They don't seem to notice that she doesn't want what they want.

I feel like I have always accepted people the way they are.  I wish we had that in the family - in that sacred space where everyone is supposed to feel safe.

The older kids are "concerned" about my watching the baby, for free, too much. There is a level of worrying about me, but there's another level of forcing the spoiled baby to grow up.  Add to that their resentment because she could wrap Daddy around her little finger for years. 

Each of the kids went through a rough patch with their Dad when they hit their early 20s.  He treated them poorly and they hated it/him.  As they age into their late 20s, each has made peace with him. He is currently being a shit to the youngest, and I think encouraging the older kids to pressure her.

She knows she is not one of them.  She knows she is not good enough.  And on some levels it makes us a family just playing our parts.

As damaged as I was/we were - this is not surprising. We had no role models.  We don't know how to be a supportive, connected family - although we want a supportive, connective family.

And for your son at home, this is part of how he moves out of the family and becomes an adult. A family with adult children has a very different dynamic than a family with kids.

I went and had dinner with my middle son and his family tonight.  I miss my oldest granddaughter's birthday when I go out west. So tonight I took her ice cream and a new book. She gave me her favorite book of all time to read on the bus. And I found out that my grandson wants a sleepover at my house alone - no sister, no cousin.  He often tells his Mom that I miss him and he needs to come and see me.

I am haphazardly trying to pack and clean house and prepare for a meeting tomorrow evening...typical me!!

Hope your day goes better tomorrow.

Love and hugs,

Clare

(Sisters weekend in November. We'll behave. Honest!)