on the road - happily

Good morning,

I'm up early fretting and finishing up packing.There was one book I wanted to take, and I simply can not find it.  One last look, I guess...

I have decided not to take my computer with me.  I really want to, but I only have one and if anything happens to it, I can not work. As one of the many paycheck-to-paycheck Americans - this is a concern. I am worried about bumping it around, but my oldest pointed out that its the kind of thing people steal.  Do I really want to be that vigilant and suspicious for three days??

So I will be electronic free and completely incommunicado until I get there!

I won't be back here in cyberworld until Monday, and then I don't know what will happen.  My son said their computer died. I know they use an iPad.  I'll see what works.  If I can't get on, I won't be able to post until August 19 or 20. If that is the case, I will write, the old fashioned way, and transcribe when I get home.

So, I had an insight this week.

I found I was getting real excited about this trip...kind of like Christmas Eve excited.  But I started listing the to-dos and other things I have to worry about, and brought myself back down.  I do this for Christmas, too. I kind of pride myself on just working and getting things done, then suddenly it's Christmas and I have a good day. 

I suddenly remembered, and heard Dad inside my head.  He used to be in good moods and make promises of fun things we would all do tomorrow. Then tomorrow he would be angry with us for expecting anything of him.  And we would hear the:  You damn kids...tirade.  There were so many things we were promised that he reneged on, in anger.  I learned not to believe, not to get excited.  I stopped being excited about Christmas years ago. 

That's so sad.

And it takes us back to the questions we have asked over and over and over  -  How do we get Dad out of our heads?????

So, I'm looking for a little excitement, somewhere herein my soul.  I'm really happy to be able to go see my son and his wife and their kids.  I'm really happy!

Love and hugs from Clare