herons

Oh Honey, 

That's an awful lot of violence.  You're description left me worried...

S#3 was supposed to come visit this weekend.  But something happened to the car, and after two or three weeks, the car-fixer guy still hasn't found the right part.  I talked to her, as did her son, and she seemed just a tad stressed.  So he went for two nights.

I woke up alone in the house - well, except for the animals.  It feels nice.  Nephew is very quiet, never intrudes.  But there's something different about my day when I know I am alone.  I do like to be alone...

Perhaps the process of accepting a foster, or shepherding him to the right place, will be a great lesson in patience for you.  And faith.  You took the steps forward, opened heart and home. Now you have to stand, waiting and vulnerable.  This young man is your teacher as much as you are his!

As I stepped outside yesterday, I saw two blue herons flying over the tall trees at the back of the yard.  Herons were for my young friend who died at age 35 of ovarian cancer.  Occasionally when I see a heron, and before, it was always a single heron, it was from her.

Once, I was having a rough time and I was wondering if it was worth it...is any of this worth it.  I get suicidal thoughts sometimes...never strong enough to act on, but thoughts that getting the hell out of here would be far less painful than staying.  I was feeling that way and driving down a hill toward my beloved lake, when a blue heron dropped down in front of my car and stayed with me for a few minutes.  I was filled with my friend letting me know that being healthy and alive was a gift...

Another time I was working at my desk and a blue heron swooped down, flew right at the window in front of my desk, then up over the house.  I knew my friend wanted something.  Later that day I found out her mother was really suffering.

But I have never sen two blue herons together before.

I decided to see what the totem means...

(speakerfortheanimals.blogspot.com/2006/03/great-blue-heron.html)

Solitary in nature, Heron people follow their own path. They learn self-reliance. This is a valuable character trait in these times of conformity and homogenization of values. Heron people can stand alone, listen to their own inner wisdom, and go their own way when everyone else is conforming to society’s commands. In this way, they build their own ways to be as well as choose their own way of doing. They are individuals first.

Oh my God - is that me?

I had the eerie thought that maybe my friend was coming to take me home - maybe my time is done. But I don't think so.  I feel a little too much "here"

Oh well, today is beautiful.  I am in love with the Earth and with the bumble bee who landed on my shoulder in the garden!  I will work for one hour, then close down the computer and mow the back yard!

Love and hugs from Clare