a day to remember

Clare,
What a memory...did they consider our safety, ever?

Your baby will miss you too. But you can only be in one place at a time, so enjoy the west.

Yesterday was an day to remember. I was working, my boys got into a fight over pot. Husband had found and flushed the youngest' stash two days before. So the young one found some bits and pieces in his brother's room and smoked in there to piss him off and get him in trouble.
This proceeded into a physical battle where the younger pinned his brother to the floor and put his hands on his throat. He let him up and walked away. A little while later, The older came back towards his brother with a bat. My oldest broke it up, but now the older son refuses to go on vacation with us. I suspect he wanted to refuse earlier because of all the house guests, but is finally verbailizing it. The younger son had a break through, did a blanket stepping(Anasazi term). He left a pile of drugs and paraphernalia on the old blanket and stepped to the new blanket picking up courage to honor that commitment.

I went to sleep and had a dream...
My youngest and I were building fire. I began by gathering small stick and dried leaves, then gathered bigger, dried pieces of wood, and finally searched for seasoned logs. At the same time my son pushed together a large pile of sticks, grass, and debris, poured gasoline onto it and lit it. You know what happened to his pile. I believe he shared my fire with me, but I'm not sure.

I got up this morning and wrote him a letter about the dream. Perhaps he will see the wisdom.

So, update on the young man. He is torn by the choice of living with us. He doesn't want to get attached and then have something happen. The truth is that he is already attached, so am I, which would make rejection even more painful. He also talked with his father about this and his father wants him to foster with an aunt about 30 miles from here. Dad never offered this option before, but faced with him living with another family he remembered there is someone who might care for him and his brother. I asked the young man to investigate those options. I will remain his counselor if he chooses that route, or I will proceed with fostering him. There will be relationship. I will see him after vacation and he will let me know how he wants to proceed. Part of me wants to run in and rescue him. Tell him that his family is jerking him around again. Give him haven and nurture him so that he can grow...and yet he has to come to the conclusions himself...he has to decide what family means to him...how much he is willing to surrender...is he ready to move forward?

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie