You deserve

I know the pattern well.  I have always been able to do anything with a smile.  And I was praised by everyone:  You're such a strong woman.  My stories are similar - being left home alone, sick, with a newborn and 3 older kids.  Taking care of everything.  One time the washer broke down and I washed some clothes in the bathtub.  I heard him tell a friend,  "If I'd have known she would do that, I never would have bought a washing machine."

I see your patterns and I fear with you. My marriage ended when I realized I did not have a partner. I was in my marriage alone. There was never anyone there for me.  I am getting angry for you.

Your husband may be in pain, but he does not have a life threatening illness. He's really not going to lift anything more than a coffee cup for the next 3 months?

Maybe this is part of the lesson that cancer will teach you, and your men.  This pattern has to change. You have to be as important as they are.

This is my struggle, also, so maybe I should stay out of it!  We're touching one of my nerves.

I recently talked to my daughter about my feelings of being invisible.  I don't feel that anyone knows I am here, I am tired, I work long hours.  I am the invisible fairy that picks up dishes and magically produces clean laundry and warm meals.  She acknowledged that I had spoken, but she didn't hear me.

Sounds like you do the same in your home.  It's probably a female role in our family...

I say raise hell.  Your husband had surgery on his arm...boohoo. If he's too weak to help you, he's too weak to go out with the guys.  Your son is going to be bored - how weak.  Toughen up boys. What Mama is about to face is life changing. It overpowers anything they are doing. But if they can silence you and diminish the importance...damn, come here to recover. Let them take care of themselves and see if they like life without you...

I think if you are not angry, the tumors will have to grow to get your attention.  How much more are you willing to lose?

Sorry, we seem to have tapped my inner bitch.

I have been having a hard time finding time alone to blog.  This weekend will be hard.  I am going to a day-long herb workshop - yes, something for me. I am taking the baby. Oh well.  Then S#3 will be here overnight with 3 of her grandchildren.  She is bringing her son's possessions.  He is going to be working here, and living with me for awhile.  Then Sunday is a family barbecue at my oldest's.  It is my girl day - both girl's birthdays are Monday, with one daughter-in-law a few days later and a probable daughter-in-law a few days before.  I'm not sure when I will have a quiet, private moment with my laptop.

So what did the negative client trigger in you?  What from her experience and reaction is yours also. I definitely recognized sliminess.  She may be a teacher, appropriate for this  moment.

Do you need someone to look you in the eyes and tell you you are valuable?  You deserve respectful care and loving attention during this time.

Because, my dear sister, I value you.  You are important.  You deserve loving attention as you face surgery. 

I love you.  You are in my heart every day, even when I struggle to make it here.

Hugs from Clare