Honor thy father and thy mother

Hi Maggie,

I had a talk with someone from a Muslim family today.  The family dynamics mirrored ours.  It hit me hard that it does not matter what culture or religion we grow up in - the effects of violence are the same.

What I am left with, though, is wondering why we are so vested in making our parents right.  A parent tells us we are not good, we are not worthy, we are not loveable, and we spend our life trying to prove they are right.  So many of the stupid, self-destructive things we do is to live up to what we think they see.

Why can't we see they were damaged individuals, not the demi-gods we saw them as.  It seems as if our life or our  sanity might shatter if we proved them wrong.  Maybe the real heart of it is that we would have to face the truth that all the pain and suffering we endured as children was unnecessary.

I thought about the commandments - Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother.  Even if they are not honorable, we must treat them as gods.  Is religion the root of this, too?

But there's also the absolute vulnerability of being a child.  They are big and wise.  They provide nourishment and shelter and safety...if we are lucky. And if we are not lucky, we pretend it is enough.

And when I hear these stories that mirror ours, compassion oozes out of me.  Why don't I have that same feeling for myself?

Still trapped, with Dad's words...

I hope you are having a day of rest and nesting!

I'll meet you here.  Waiting with love.

Clare