The negativity is returning

It is good that your youngest has your support, especially this close to the birth...
the more support you give her now...the more she patience she will have for her little one.

I would have loved to have Mom around when I was pregnant...she came to help when I had #3...Dad dropped her off, berating me for needing her...and I felt guilty having her there.

I had my mother-in-law with me for the first 2 and she was a PIA...
fussing about the baby, ignoring the fact that I might need help with cooking, cleaning up, laundry, etc.

Anyway...I remember when #4 was getting close, I was probably about 32 weeks, our parents stopped by on their way to S#5's house. The first thing Dad said upon entering the house was, "don't expect your mother to come when this baby is born, we're tired of driving". They had recently returned from Texas and now were heading to S#5's...God forbid they want to experience my children or life's milestones.

 I will never forget that....at first I was furious with him for being such a controlling ass...then I realized that she knew exactly what he was going to say and stayed out of the room purposefully to avoid being a part of the conversation.

She allowed him to treat us like shit...it took me a long time to come to that conclusion, but it is the reality...she knew what he was like, and what he was doing, and didn't defend or protect us.

So, love and support your daughter, she will remember the love and kindness for her lifetime.

I am feeling negative and overwhelmed again...
I think depression is seeping back into my brain.
I am trying to exercise, sleep, eat healthy...
but I keep sabotaging my best intentions.
I really need space to breathe and find my center...
but that's not happening when my brain is in this mode.

I did, and am making a conscious effort to reach out and talk about the negativity this time. I had a meeting today that the other person forgot about...I sat and wallowed in the, "I must not be a priority to anyone if they can't remember a meeting with me"...but reached out and spoke with her and rescheduled the meeting.
I also spoke with husband about being forgotten and frustrated.
That's a big step for me...I don't frequently admit to anyone when I feel insecure or offended.
I do feel better

Anyway, I am hoping for a beautiful weekend for you and your gathering.
I am sorry that I will miss it. I will either mail or send a gift with S#3 if she is coming.
I may start to clean out the vegetable garden and prepare it for planting.

I love you,
Maggie