healing?

Hi Maggie,

I have had a weekend full of lovely grandchildren.  I usually only have them for one night, but this weekend, I had three on Friday night, two last night.  I enjoy their company a lot, and I want them to remember me with love and fun thoughts.

So I didn't have time here, and now I am tired!!

With B#2, he abused you.  He stole, he sexualized, he used...I think it's good that you are just ambivalent and not hate-filled.  Although, considering that thought, I am not sure.  Sometimes I think I-don't-give-a-damn and you-don't-even-exist are beyond love and hate, joy and anger.  Being not worthy of anything, of any notice or attention or emotion, it is the bottom.  But he did all of those things because he was abused...

I have a feeling he is mine.  I wrote him a note, and one of the grandnieces ripped it open. So I have been trying to remember to get a new card, so I would have an envelope to try again. And then, no one knows his address, even though he is across the street from B#4.

He is just one more solitary bubble of hate and fear and loneliness, hiding from what happened to him, hiding from what he has done...and there is a froth of this, a lather of this, choking the world...

I have been having my strange thoughts in the night again.  I was thinking about Fukushima, knowing that it is still happening...after 6 years, radioactive water is still pouring into the Pacific Ocean.  All life in that ocean in radioactive now.  And I was talking to my oldest about the devastation we have wrought with the use of pesticides. We can't retrieve all of this poison we have dumped into, onto, around the planet. And she was talking to an authority who believes the ice will all be melted within 20 years.  I was thinking about myself, I plan to be here in 20 years.  My kids...My grandkids...I had this middle-of-the-night breakdown, overwhelmed by despair.

What do we do? What can we do?

And I thought of the Light. I thought of the Light shining on all of those who wreak devastation, yet stay in the shadow. I was thinking about the CEO of Monsanto, who eats only organic foods.  I was thinking of people who engage in dog fights, of people who are sexual with children, people who kill, rape, devastate.  I was thinking about the Light gently shining on them, exposing them.

I was thinking about this being our family, especially Dad's line.  I asked Dad to fix it.  I asked Pop, his dad, to fix it. And they started removing metal filings from the generation younger than them...healing their sons.  And where the shard was, Light flowed in.

And then I saw Grammy and Grandma.  They were with me, they were together, and they came to help me.  They greeted me and kissed me. I felt loved.  And they said they were going to work on my first and second chakras - my feet and knees.  And so Dad and Pop and Grampa Smoke were there.  (I am probably the only grandchild who has visceral memories of Smoke...I was three when he died.)  Three men, I knew I needed three women, to make this of the heart. I thought of a dear old friend who passed about two years ago.  But she was more of the grandmother's generations. And then, to my surprise, my mother-in-law came through.

So, three and three...work of the heart. They cleared my feet up to my knees and sent Light through.

I was thinking about the ways I hurt my kids, And so my kids lined up before me, with lines through my heart and into their pain. Behind me were the six who have passed, the ancestors who are now helping...holding the other end of the lines.  (It seemed like a traditional sundance...)  And they pulled my kids' pain through my heart, clearing my heart as it all exited out my back.

And they filled us all with Light...

Too weird.

I never know how to interpret these experiences. I only know something healing is happening. And the way out is going to include our ancestors.

Ask your Reiki healer if I am nuts or interpreting correctly, please. I think I would believe either verdict!!

So, how are you???

Love and hugs from Clare