Family.....

Yo Maggie!!

OK...right to the point today!!

And you have identified the key point of life as an adult after having been abused as a child. We learn young that we have no value. We learn young no one loves us, no one will choose us, unless we are as codependent as possible.

I will do anything for you, as long as you stay with me...don't abandon me. Even if you are the source of my pain, don't abandon me.  It is that bruised child inside, that persona who knows we can not survive without our parents, and so we accept anything as long as we are not alone.

And there is a level of offering what you never received - ultimate support and unconditional love. Never having been exactly loved, it is so hard to know how to love.  And so we do it different.

Because we don't know how to do it healthily.

Being raped as a child robs you of all boundaries.  When you are raped, you are not even human.You are a thing. How can we possibly set boundaries?

I am trying, but I think I set mine really far away, so no one can get in.  I'll just watch you all from a distance, and I'll let you know if I change my mind.

I'm not as pessimistic as you are. I think change is possible. I think this could be a step in the right direction. They are still close, but everyone has their own space. I think that if I expect the best, she is more likely to get there.  And baby-steps may work. We have to trust and support her.  And maybe it will be a chance for family to actually be family. If we are truly friends, and involved with each other's lives, we can see things, notice things, advocate for each other.  I long for that.  I know you all better.  But until Nephew moved in with me, I didn't feel like connected family.

With Nephew here, we have all been able to see each other's warts a little more clearly. And we still want to be connected. Family!

Is this what Mom and Dad found when they moved? Is this what S#5 found?  We are on the outside, you know...

How did Uncle G do it? He has a family compound, they mostly stick together. And we are too far away to see anything but the shiny social media pictures - a happy, multi-generational family.

And happy birthing day Mama!  You made a fabulous baby who has become a glowing, warm-hearted woman. Celebrate this!!!

Love and hugs to all, especially the birthday girl!

Clare