Wow

Wow,

You're amazing.  You found some really interesting dream-meaning possibilities.

I watched the baby yesterdayafternoon, then boyfriend picked her up later than expected.  After she left, I had to finish reports, then prepare the agenda for a committee meeting. I opened my email and found the other members of the committee wanted to postpone.  Cool.  Nephew and I went out to watch for the Northern Lights. We saw a glow through the thin cloud cover, but never saw the dancing lights.  We drove down the road a ways to try to get past all the trees.  No lights, but we got to sit and talk for awhile - mostly about family history and what it means.

So I never made it here.

I found a very thought provoking quote from a favorite novelist, and wanted to share it with you.

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning.  You have to love.  You have to feel.  It is the reason you are here on earth.  You are here to risk your heart.  You are here to be swallowed up.  And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed. or left, or hurt, or death brushes near you, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.  Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.                                        -Louise Erdrich

I read this yesterday, and have been pondering since.  It hit hard. It made me feel like I am not living enough. Now, I wonder...are we supposed to be broken?  Does that make us sweeter?  Kinder?  More real?

Risk...what do I risk? Just enough, I think. But not quite enough.

I survive, but I don't thrive.  I feel lost in her words...

I was looking at a friend's latest pictures on social media, and noticed she gained weight.  I noticed her boyfriend was still with her.  I picked up that little nugget of belief, turned it over, studied it, and realized I didn't know I was carrying that around. Fat = unworthy of love.  This is kind of the way I felt when analyzing my reactions to the sister's weekend.  I feel very calm, serene.  These beliefs catch me off-guard and I am acknowledging them and releasing them. 

Feels right.

Ok - snake imagery...I love the idea of being on the verge of deep transformation and hope that is the message.  I think it was a wake-up call.  There was some level of don't do what everyone else is doing, and I remember thinking,  "Don't trust the people who let the snake bite them."

In the dream I went from frightened to calm.  I think that is important. It seems that if there is a threat, in the end I am unharmed.  In the end the snakes were still in my lap, equally calm and relaxed.

Two snakes - the caduceus. I like that. I will have to think about that! And they were both very green - that is a healing color.

With the snow - it was both dirty and melting. Maybe I am releasing tainted parts of myself - the parts I don't accept.  I was looking for something in the snow, something valuable.  Maybe it will be a new skill or talent.

The two dreams seem to be a little more connected than I had thought.

Thank you!

I have been working with someone for a few months, someone I hit it off with quickly. I was aware that this person had a chronic health problem, and finally asked if she would mind sharing it with me.  She is dying. It will probably be in the next few months.  I took my cues from her, and didn't gush. I just acknowledged it. I had so many feelings. There was this feeling that I am open to someone who is close to transitioning and the universe felt spacier and open and warmer and...and there was an awareness, maybe streaming from this sweet soul.

Why does a brush with death make us feel so alive?

Still calm, still looking at myself...Hope everyone in the family is past the flu!

Love and hugs,

Clare