vulnerability

Clare,

You worry too much.

The weekend had a different flavor than last year's, but it was good and balanced. You being concerned about pulling family together says a lot about how much you want to avoid family gatherings, even if there is potential connection.

You want to connect, desperately…
but you aren't willing to put yourself in the vulnerable position of allowing it to happen.

That was actually a common theme of our weekend discussions. We want friendship, family, romance, but not at the risk of our inner security. But there has to be a risky opening of self to allow that to happen. We will never repair our fractured family if we aren't willing to talk and meet. It cannot be done through the book of face, or weekly emails from the matriarch.
The invitation to S-I-L was impromptu and none of us actually considered her accepting it. She hasn't ever just hung out with us…at least not me.
Anyway, you should have come along, talked, laughed and connected, rather than sitting 13 hours away worrying alone. There will always be a place for you on sister's weekend.

So, I got really sick on Saturday night. I stayed up all night with vomiting and diarrhea which subsided before we had to get into the car for the ride home. I made it home, after about 12 hours of travel and was happy to be in my own space once again. I've been drinking Pedialyte, tea and eating toast today and feel queazy but better. It was not fun, but it was good to have sisters to take care of me when I needed it.

Anyway, Back to life. Back to reality.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie