Cough...cough

Congested. Hoarse. Didn't sleep last night, because I couldn't breathe...sigh. 'Tis a week of complaining.  I want an escape!!!

I want an escape from the snow that is falling --- again.  It seems like a big cosmic joke. Can't we just slip away to Hawaii, and let me believe in warmth and sunshine and seashells once again?  And fresh picked fruit, sun-warmed and juicy...

I had kind of an emotional day. I found myself furious with B#1 and B#2 for all the damage they caused to you and S#3.  I was mad at Dad for being generally mean and getting away with it for all of his life.  I was just unsettled and off, I guess...Another solstice coming in about a week...

My neighbor has been involved with a drama, a situation that can get stupid-ugly if she plays the drama game with the leading character.  I was suggesting that she stay out of it and trust the process.  She doesn't have to respond. She asked me how long it took me to get like this - nondramatic. 

I don't know.  I was a pretty dramatic kid. I remember screaming at sibs, really feeling like I was suffering at the hands of sibs. I remember some dramatic highs and long-lasting lows.

When did I stop the bullshit???

AlAnon definitely helped. I could definitely play the long-suffering victim and martyr wife.  AlAnon taught me to hug her and laugh at her.  And to just laugh...which I still don't do enough.

And I did a workshop on conflict resolution today.   I worked discussing and using on all the right words and phrases, but what it came down to was authenticity.  We need more than the right words...We can't pretend we are listening...We can't pretend we are present.

And that's about as deep as I can go today.  I think my brain is oxygen deprived from my day full of mouth breathing!

Love and hugs  from a distance...you definitely don;t want to get close to me!!

Clare