do-overs?

I'm at the end stage where everything is draining, I sound horrible, but can actually breathe again.

I will spend all day at meetinghouse, baking bread, preparing for a contra dance. We pay the band in bread!

I am taking the baby with me - for two reasons...First, her Mama's having a tough time.  Second - it means I will have to leave early.  I know I am exhausted, and I know I need to rest.

I have been thinking about parenting, especially as I watch my youngest.  I have been noticing we give our kids what we wish had been given to us, even if it's not exactly what they need.  I think that's why I homeschooled.  I hated public school.  I hated every single day of my existence there.  Even though I found a niche, even though I was a successful student, I hated my life.  And I was not wrong - there are so many problems with the system.  And four of my kids value the way they were raised.  The fifth mostly does...

With my youngest, when her toddler is having a tough time, she turns on Elmo and gives her snack food. It is distracting, but it only makes the problems worse. But this is my daughter's comfort - a good movie and some comfort food - a temporary escape.  Here, I have learned my littlest one needs some mental stimulation.  That kid is bright.  She's not two yet, but can speak in full sentences.  I have paper, pencils - for at the table ONLY. I have chalk for the chalkboard and the floor.  But I can't just give it to her. I have to lie on the floor and draw.  I have to sit with her and listen to music.  She wants to be connected.

Toddlers take so much time and attention.  It is hard work.  And the more demanding they get, the more we just want them to be independent and do something.  After we teach them to go away, we regret...

This time with my granddaughter may be my do-over with my kids.  So often, I wished for do-overs...

I have tried to talk to my daughter, a little.  And what I'd like to say in this opaquely public place that our Mom does not even know about is:  I apologize, Mom.  I apologize for every time I ever rolled my eyes at you!

Let me know what you learn about Buddhism this weekend.

Love and hugs,

Clare