Transitioning from one role to another

Clare,

We will all have freak-outs along this…
like yesterday…
I spent several hours with the genetic counselor who was incredibly knowledgable and kind.
She looked at our family tree and feels there may be more underlying the cancers in our family.
When she looks at Mom's side she wonders if there may be another mutation that is adding to the CHEK2 mutation- because the CHEK2 is a modifier, moderate risk gene. She really feels it is acting in conjunction with another genetic mutation…
so more tests.
These will take about 3 weeks to come back.
When she looks at Dad's family history she is worried about Lynch Syndrome…
a familial, genetic patterns of cancers including colon, renal and uterine. (http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/lynch-syndrome)
The panel of tests includes the genes involved in Lynch-
so the bottom line is that we may be screwed from both sides.

As the discussion progressed I learned that there are 3 tumors along the duct with another area just behind the nipple/areola that enhanced with contrast- meaning it is a metabolically active area- probably tumor as well. The importance of that information is that a lumpectomy is not going to be indicated because they would have to take 4 lumps from the same quadrant of the breast…
I am waiting to hear from the surgeon about a surgical and medical oncologist referral…
that should happen within the next week or two…
then we will know what the journey will entail.

Last night was the final night of filming the pilot. My daughter was an extra…so she may appear, but mostly glimpses of her. She wrote herself into the plot though…
and pitched it to the writers…
she plays the daughter of the Lord of the county/area…
he sends her to the celibate community to avoid her sexual experimentation…
but really he sends her there so that he can visit his lover, one of the Goodys.
They liked it- we'll see if they use it or not.

I had difficulty focusing on the work necessary for the pilot last night. I got everyone dressed and then meditated in my car. For the first time in months, my head was quiet and peaceful. All of the to-do lists faded, and I was able to just be quiet. It was good.

I get my mulch delivery today- one of my favorite things.
I love mulching my gardens.
I am going to put compost into the vegetable garden and then go get some vegetables to plant…
I am a little late, but it's better than never.

Thanks for loving and supporting me.
You are right, it's not easy to be on the receiving end of support.
Mom called last night…
it seemed more like she was fishing for news to put into her weekly newsletter…
to make her seem more connected to the "list" than she really is.
I have waves of emotions about this.
Part of me sees this as an opportunity to reconnect…
but part of me wants to keep them away…
I am not sure if that is self-preservation or my way of punishing those who have not been previously available for me.
Only time will answer that question.
I received emails/text from S#4 & 5 offering love and support…
nothing from our brothers…
although B#4 and I talked last week.
Family patterns and habits are hard to break.

Love and Light,
Maggie