Projecting

Clare,

I was most likely projecting my issues onto you and B#2...
I do see that  shame is a byproduct of an abusive home...
shame is different than pride.
But, both are isolating.

I am feeling better today. I worked from the new office space. I was alone, my boss is out of town for a week. It was good to be alone...
but I am surrounded by boxes...
my stuff is not where I expect it to be.
I have so much work to complete and I'm taking time to organize and make thoughtful placements of my stuff...
so it doesn't end up in piles...
and then have to be re-sorted in a year.

I took some forward steps on the community garden project today.
I moved forward on the teen parenting, inclusive classroom project.
I even created a spread sheet for our new contract.
So, it was not a wasted day.

I tried to walk on the treadmill today. I made it about 15 minutes before the ankle hurt...
so I moved to the stationary bike that daughter left in the basement...
12 minutes of that and my bottom hurt and was numb...
so I had about 30 minutes of exercise...
sling yoga tonight. I haven't done a sling class since December...
I'm looking forward to it.
I'm trying very hard to drop 20 lbs and regain my fitness level. I am heavier than I've been in years and have not been consistently walking since October when I began to wheeze.
It amazes me how quickly we give up the things that are best for our body...
but not chocolate...
can't give up chocolate!
Anyway, I'm using a free app called Lose It...
It documents intake and exercise...
If you give a goal weight and  rate of weight loss you'd like it will calculate your necessary calories, etc...it charts your weight and progress as you go. I'll let you know. If I make it a week or two then I'm golden...if not, then it's back to eating poorly.

My youngest vomited again this morning. I think he has such acute anxiety about school he makes himself sick. One more week. He has to make it one more week. Send him some Light and Strength...
please. He went to visit an former girlfriend on Sunday. They have remained friends for 2.5 years. She is an exchange student from the Ukraine. She will be graduating and returning to her parent's home next week. He came home and was really light-hearted, giggling...he wasn't drunk or high. He said, "I'm gonna marry that girl some day." I do believe him. She hopes to return to the US for college/university.

Thanks for being here...meeting me here. I love seeing your words and how you are doing.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie