inside the comfort zone

Hi Maggs,

How was the public yoga?

I spent my weekend Quakering. We had a regional gathering. A couple who led youth work when mine were teenagers were there working with my grandkids.

I have been involved with Friends for 30 years. I look around at us, and I see we have aged.  We are looking older...I knew almost everyone, was able to talk to almost everyone.  The topic of the weekend was sanctuary, belonging, the other.

My original meeting is being merged with another.  Many of the old books from the library were laid out on a table - with a sign that said Free. My youngest and I went through the books, opening the front covers and finding signatures of the first dear Friends who lit our way.  Most are gone now.

We chose books for her sibs. We took some to my middle kid when we dropped his kids off. He recognized the Friends.

I told him what someone said to his son.

I introduced his son to the  man who was leading the youth. I told my grandson that this man knew his dad when Daddy was young.

The youth worker replied to my grandson,  "Your dad was never young. He was born an old, old soul, and has been getting young ever since."

So back to the topic - belonging.  During worship someone said something about stepping outside your comfort zone.   And it came to me that being outside the comfort zone is my comfort zone. Wary, unattached, feeling on the outside...that is my place.

This weekend, realizing I have been part of this group for 30 years, and am considered one of them,  being in a comfort zone...well, that is stepping outside my comfort zone.

I still don't feel equal. I don't feel real. I feel like an imposter Friend who is not as good as the others. I guess if I call them the others, I am identify myself as their other.

I thought I dealt with it. I thought I was calm with belonging.  But I came home and ate way too much chocolate. I am numbing something...

Enjoying the quiet, and sending love and hugs...

Clare