write

Hi Maggie,

I have a wise older friend who says we not only have family, we have chosen family.  Sometimes the damage we manage to survive with our family of origin divides us forever. We develop these superficial relationships that look good for pictures.

I have been friends with the woman who came into my birthday party last year with S#3 and me for about 13 years. About 10 years ago, we exchanged house keys. I remember laughing and joking about going steady, but actually she became a sister-friend.  She is like part of the family. She joins us for holidays and no one bats an eye.

Chosen family.

She knows me better than anyone in the family, because I have had the practice of hiding from you all. I was certain I was being judged. Certain something hurtful would happen.  And so I kept my head down and my mouth shut.

Good lessons from the war zone!

Until a few years ago, when I reconnected with S#3 and then you. Now it is different. Now life is fuller. And I am glad...only partly because my friend is in LOVE with a wonderful man.She is happy and in pink cloudland, and not as available as she has been in the past!

And let's be honest. Our kids complain about B#1. He was mean to them when they were young. We have kept our distance.  It was also a little self-centered, but I don't know if I would or could change it. I tried to talk to him and he has no idea what I am talking about.

And so my children come first.

And so I am not surprised that B#1 has found chosen family to trust. Why in the world would he trust us?  We are not part of his anything.

But...how do we change? Do we want to change?  Realizing how much I did not know SIL has made me uncomfortable.  Do I live with that? or do we want something else?

I have not talked to B#1 yet this week. I am going to write him a letter.When I was at school and he was in the Navy, we used to write each other letters.  And if I am going to write him a letter, I think I will write one to B#2, also. Can't hang upon a letter.

I don't really have any other ideas...

Do you?

Love and hugs from Clare