overwhelmed

Clare,

I feel overwhelmed.
I am sinking into an emotional lake.

I heard the call to action on Friday...
we need you...
we make it happen.
In my mind B#3 was exaggerating...
"What does he know about terminal?" I kept asking myself. But I knew we needed to get Mama there to allow her to be present. So I made arrangements.
S#3 and I talked a lot along the drive...
it is good to spend time with her.
We picked up Mama and S#5 Saturday morning and hit the road. It was a pleasant trip, touched by expectations and fear of what we would find once we got to the house...
but I kept telling myself that B#3 doesn't know about death and the stages people go through...
he's over reacting.
Unfortunately, he was right on the mark with his call to action.
SIL was lethargic, barely conscious, recognized us, but faded out more than in...
the most prominent thing was her labored breathing...
her whole body was working to breathe...
her color was poor, especially in her extremities...
but she was surrounded by her husband and children, and a good friend...
and then us.

B#1 said she was looking forward to hearing us talk and play scrabble. When we first got there she was on the couch, but by evening they had delivered a hospital bed, she was more comfortable in there. Safer in there too...she was so floppy I was afraid she was going to slide onto the floor from the couch. She did not seem to be in much pain...and denied pain almost every time she was asked. When she expressed pain she got a minimal amount of morphine and it helped within a minute...
besides the labored breathing she was not uncomfortable.
I flowed reiki over her on Sunday...
she relaxed with the reiki to the point that her breathing was almost normal...
I was so afraid that she was dying...
can you imagine if I was doing reiki when she died...
I'd never  escape that one.
Anyway, as she relaxed I began to softly sing amazing grace to her...
she smiled...
it was a beautiful sight.
As the others heard me softly singing they came into the room and we sang old fashioned hymns...
SIL woke up, looked me in the eyes and said, "What is going on?"...
I told her we were pouring love all over her...
she went back to her semi-coma.
I'm not sure if our singing was so good she thought it was angels...
or so bad she wanted it to stop!
That gave us all a laugh...

We cooked and helped as we could and then left about 15 minutes before her brother was scheduled to arrive.

The girls were so strong and loving. B#1 was amazing...admitting he had to control everything to remain in control of himself...but he was patient and gentle and kind and expressing his love for SIL whenever she woke. We helped him clean her up before we left...he was right there helping us.
What an amazing weekend.

On a side note...
I called my elderly friend, the one I take to meeting each week, on my way to B#1's home. Her daughter in law answered and told me she died that morning...peacefully in her home. Just the way she wanted to die. It was her late husband's birthday. I loved and admired her so much. Poor Mama and S#3 an 5...they had to sit with my sobbing and phone calls trying to help the family contact the appropriate people. I will miss her so very much. I looked forward to hearing her stories and asking her advice. Her burial is Wednesday. I hope to be able to attend that and then drive south for SIL's services.
One of my Quaker friends moved to Durham in December...luckily she was able to meet with me while I was there and we plan on seeing each other again when I return. She dearly loved the elderly friend as well. it was good to comfort each other.

What a time... my youngest says that with all of this negativity there has to be good stuff coming. I love him...in spite of him!

Love and Light beautiful sister. I hope to see you later this week.
It will be good to hug you.
Maggie