broken

Hi Maggie,

I am so happy you and Mom and the sisters were able to be there.  Maybe we should play "Sisters of Mercy" for you all. I talked to S#3 today. There were tears and laughter and too many grandchildren making too much noise...Life!!

We agreed, we are angry.  SIL was too young. My heart melted as I heard stories of grace...especially the way B#1 cared for his dying wife.

I got the message this morning during my breakfast break. I didn't want to open it.  I didn't want to read it. It was the first time I have been afraid of a message from a sib.  And I shocked myself. It was like the old Irish ancestors poured through me, and I started keening. I was rocking and making a sound I didn't know I could make. Someone was ripped away from us, and it hurt.

I am lost again in not knowing her well despite knowing her for 35 years.

We need to be a different family. We need to be connected. And my heart goes to B#2.  An old favorite poem comes to mind:

“He drew a circle that shut me out -
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle and took him In !

            -Edwin Markham

We need him back. He is part of us. How do we woo him? How do we love him?  This letting him live across the street from B#4 and them not speaking to each other is not who we are.

I need a plan.

Maybe we need to do showers for everyone.

 So now it is time to take stock. How are the rest of us? Well? Whole? Relatively together?  Is anyone hanging on loosely?

So, sink into the emotional lake, my love. It is not the swamp. It is clear and healing waters. You will be okay.  I am so sorry for the loss of your elderly Friend. All of this, it is the gifts of love. The gift of the broken heart...that is how the Light gets in.

I envy you the freedom to be able to go to minister to family, to celebrate with family. I need to change my life.Still not sure how. I hope, when way opens, my heart and eyes are open.

Sending love and Light and many hugs,

Clare