breaking the curse

Hi Maggie,

I wish I could do or say something incredibly helpful. I wish S#3 knew she could talk to me.  I wish bad things didn't happen...

Even so, here we are facing pain and mortality, and the pain of mortality.  We are plunged into change, and we don't like change - especially when we have no control.  I no longer feel like I am next to the veil.  I have moved far enough away not to fear it. But I still know it is there...

So, as I write to B#1, I am also going to write to B#2.  I talked to his ex.  He has alienated his daughter with his alcoholism.  He was one of the most caring and attentive fathers I have ever seen.  And after he left the west coast, he still talked to her every day.  It seems he waited until after he talked to her to start drinking. But then he started answering the phone while drunk, and began driving her away.

So now he has proven that no one loves him.  He is alone.

So we write. We send notes. Could we invite others and let everyone have a week?  Is it possible to prove to him that he is lovable, even though he is sure he is not? Can we over-ride the family conditioning with nightly prayers and weekly notes?...and maybe a shower of some sort...?

If he is lovable, so are the rest of us. It could be a way to restore all of us...

And, I am confused...your friend's sister committed suicide, or B#3's friend's sister committed suicide?

Do you know, with the way I parented, I would suggest gently, but firmly pointing out to your youngest that he wasn't asked if he wanted to go.  He was told that he is going. You are the parent...why stress yourself out. You know what will happen, unless he has had an eye-opening experience which matured him in the past few months.

Mom gave me a box of old letters, many from Dad.  I have been reading some of those.  But I found one today from Mary, who talked about Teresa and why she could not have kids. It has to be one of Mom's cousins.She was asking for the family stories.She talked about abuse and violence in her family of origin, being put in the children's home...I remember kids from the home in my class when I was young and we lived in Mom's hometown for part of a year. The letter talked about being in the home, separated from a sister who was with younger kids in the same home. When she was 13, the home contacted her mom and said she should probably come get them. They had been there long enough...9 years.  So their mom, who lived nearby, took them home and remarried.

Stories about her dad - drunk, one brother shot and killed another during an argument, they both went to the west coast where her dad died of Tb.

Horrible stories permeated in alcohol and violence.

We are breaking this curse. I swear we are breaking this curse...

Love and ugs from Clare