Love is here

Clare,

I am surprisingly calm and light/Light. I drove almost immediately to S#5's home...
to be with mama.
When I entered, with husband, she looked old and small...
barely taking up any space on the couch.
I sat next to her...
touched her hand...
kissed her forehead and just listened to her tale. She relaxed into the space between us.
I felt connected...
she felt comfortable.
B#4 came about an hour later...
quickly followed by S#5's arrival. The peace settled in and it was OK. We were all in shock...
but we were sharing that shock. I actually felt something.

We had to visit the funeral home the following day...
confirm/alter arrangements made by Papa in the early summer. Mama decided to move the vent to a church...
S#5's church...
It will be free form and very personal.
We began gathering ideas. We started telling stories...
Mama came alive...
a little at first...
then laughing at the stories...
then telling the stories herself...
I've learned a lot in the past 3 days.

We arranged simple flowers...
a catered meal...
the basics of a gathering.

We went back to S#5's house to gather photos...
more stories...
more laughter...
S#3 arrived late.
I slept better after that.

Today we had to identify the body before cremation...
B#3&4, S#3&5, myself, and a great-grandson went to the funeral home.
We walked into the room...
he was in a simps wooden box...
he had a gentle, but big smile on his face.
I've been dealing with death for years and never before have I seen a smiling corpse.Mom walked closer, tentatively...
until she saw the smile...
she walked right up next and said,"I know he made us promise to never say this but, he looks so good."
Well that made everyone laugh and then more stories flowed.
It was hard to walk out that door...
knowing we would never see that earthly form again.
We went from the funeral home to the church and sat with S#5's pastor...
he asked us to tell him about Papa....
More stories...
more laughter...
a few tears.
I learned many things today.
We told stories...
made arrangements...
left as a family.
It felt good.

We went back to S#5's house had home made soup and bread...
Some of B#4's homemade wine...
and again just sat and shared.

I miss my children so much...
I wish they were here to experience this...
I wish you were here to experience this...
Tomorrow more of us will gather...
know that you are coming to a good space.
Love is here.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie