glimpses

Hi Sister,

I was thinking about your past with Dad, wondering about mine.  I never felt terribly connected to him as we were growing up.  I always felt so much more like Mom's kid.

I have noticed it with my own. Some seem to be more attached to one part of the family than another part.

I remember, from an early, early age, being so relieved when he was sent away - when the army stationed him  somewhere we could not go.  I felt safe when he was gone. I felt safe with Mom.  I felt welcome with Mom.

While we were watching the old family videos, I was talking to B#4 about the scenes in the swimming hole. I thought maybe we were on our way to visit Grandma.  B#4 said, no - we had gone to Fox Dam to swim, but he remembered that I used to walk to Grandma's.  He said someone had commented earlier on her connection to me.  I was kind of surprised.

But now I acknowledge, accept, and treasure it.





Three people - my closest friend, my best friend from school, and someone from meeting each told me that the death of a parent has a big impact.  Either I am being ignorant, or I am soon to be slammed up along side the head, as Dad would have put it!


I went to a widow's support group for the paper once. I was asked to write a piece about the group. Someone said, no matter what a son-of-a-gun he was when he was alive, he becomes a saint when he dies.  And I remembered a friend's death and ceremony.  Her daughter spoke and said she promised herself she would never be one of those people who hated her mother while alive, then loved her and honored her after death.  But she had helped birth her Mom to the other side and it was magic and mysterious and beautiful.

I am beginning to believe that when the physical dies and is dropped away, the connections change. We all feel it.  We all change.  We see the person who left differently.

I can see I'm trying to be all logical and spiritual, and not at all emotional.  I think I'm gonna have to crash somewhere along the way!

I don't know...Dad didn't talk to me for five years.  That felt more like a death than this does...

About Dad's behavior in school...he was abused. It was pathology.  It was created. If he had been raised in a different family he would have been a different person.  I have thought that same thought about the nine of us...

I did have a glimpse of Dad as pure Light.  I got the message - sometimes we have to play the villain in the show.

My oldest son is with us for a few more days.  The kids are bonding.  I hope we are in the process of change.

Did you march today?  I had three grandkids, and no transportation, so I watched, and held everyone in the Light...

How are you???

Love and hugs from Clare