Doing a Clare

Hi Love,

I am sorry life continues to be so frustrating for you. And I hope my last post wasn't too harsh. In my family, that was known as ...ahem...doing a "Clare."

I would emotionally and verbally get in my kids', and occasionally their friends', faces and really talk about the repercussions and deeper meanings of some of their actions and decisions. Once my youngest and his best friend, who wanted to be part of our family at that time, pulled a series of mean-spirited practical jokes on my youngest daughter. She was really hurt, and they thought they were really funny.

We sat down and had a talk about taking away my daughter's home. She was no longer safe here, and this was the one place in the world that she was supposed to be welcomed and accepted and loved. We talked about how they were putting her on the outside of the community by making her the butt of every joke. We talked about humor, and who all might think this was funny. We talked about the kind of men they wanted to be when they grew up, and was this the way they wanted to behave??

This may have been the time when the phrase "Doing a Clare" was coined.

At one point, they asked me to just hit them or punish them. This was too hard.  But I never beat the children...too bad for them!! 

It must not have been too unbearable, because I had a string of teens who wanted to live with me, and who basically moved in.  I was happy to offer that. Dear friends did the same for my oldest, when my ex and I were separating, and I value them so much.

But every behavior has repercussions. Everything we do determines who we are and it influences the way the world is...

So, I'm not sure if I was appropriate, but I was trying to be authentic.

My youngest has a compressed nerve and is in some pain. I will be taking the baby overnight.   I will spend the afternoon preparing for the contra dance, but I won't be attending.  I have been getting a sense of how small my life is lately. Do I drown in it? Or do I come up, and maybe even climb out...???

The ruffed grouse continues to call me...I hope I am getting the message...

Love and hugs from Clare