Clare,
We moved the youngest into his dorm today. He seems so mature, and yet he's only 15…
wanting to be on his own…
in a safe way.
He was so nervous these past few days, today prolonged leaving the house for almost an hour…
But, once we got there and unloaded he sent us to Kmart for a few things and he stayed behind. When we returned he was playing pool with another boy/young man. He was pretty comfortable and sent us on our way…no tears…no big good bye…just an big hug and I love you.
My oldest will be home until Wednesday and then she returns to school. The older boy returns the weekend after labor day…so we will have some quiet time together…we had a night alone last night.
I actually drank a glass of wine in the hot tub…I'm not supposed to drink with the tamoxifen…but I had my wine and it was nice.
The letters from my older son are really showing growth and change. He is seeing how the drugs and the darkness had changed him…he is writing about the high that he achieves from a sense of accomplishment being greater than any high from a drug in the past. He wants a different school environment so now I am doing some work trying to find options that fit his needs. I am so happy with the changes that I feel are happening in him.
Husband and I go to pick him up the week following labor day. We are going out onto the desert for 3 days, camping…sleeping on the ground without a tent…hiking…eating trail food…seeing him with fresh eyes. I am so looking forward to it.
One of my biggest realizations is the alliances that we have formed within our family. I am closer with the girls than husband is. Son#1 comes to me when he needs something. The youngest goes to his dad. The girls heard my tales about the boys and took my side- becoming very tough with their brothers. We were definitely a family divided- I think that started when we were separated actually, but it's gotten worse. One of my resolutions is to maintain honesty, but to work towards a full family alliance in place of the factions. I think of our family of origin and see the pattern so clearly- and I replicated that within my own family subconsciously. Shining the Light on yet another inherited pattern of dysfunction.
I hope that all is going well out west. I look forward to hearing from you,
Love and Light,
Maggie
No comments:
Post a Comment