arms out...

Hi Maggie,

It sounds as if things are serene in your home, right now.  How are you healing?

I like some things about Mennonite - they are one of the three major peace churches.  But I have one problem.  A bit of history - when it became apparent that I had to walk away from the Catholic church, and after six months with no spiritual community, I began researching churches.  My ex suggested we explore Mennonite. So I went to a few services.  I couldn't get past their belief that this world is a punishment, and we just need to get through this pain and sorrow to meet our reward.  And then I realized that my ex's "we" was me and the kids.  He wasn't planning to attend.  So, I wonder how much they share this belief in school.  I hate to strip away the joy of living - even in the midst of such pain and anguish - this is still a beautiful planet and it is a gift to be here.

So S#3 was here overnight.  I apologized for being controlling, about worrying about kids and dogs during lessons. She didn't know what I was talking about. When I explained, she said she sends kids to the third floor when she has to talk to a client.

Perhaps I judge myself too harshly...(please stop rolling your eyes at me)...

I know my words, the way I lash out at myself, can be harsh, but I'm truly trying to understand who I am and how I am in the world.  I'm trying to figure out how I control things, and if it's healthy.  My own vision of myself is of being spontaneous.  I remember Mom once told me I was, back when I was a teen.  I know age has mellowed that, but I wonder if it is true, or comparatively true, or if I have a need to control...

I was thinking about your discipline pyramid, thinking that our pyramid is perilously perched on our parents' pyramid - and they are poking us right in our self view and relationship with the world.  They either give us balance, or deny it to us.  When denied, we spend too  much of our lives with our arms extended, seeking either balance or something to hang onto.

How is your husband doing with this self searching?

Hope you having a relaxing weekend!!

Love from Clare