It felt slimy

Clare,

I had an interesting day.
I visited my Reiki healer/friend, she asked about you and S#3…she sends her best.

We talked for almost 2 hours today. It was amazing.
We broached the subject of the abuse…
and the previous generations of abuse…

So she looked at Dad and his brothers, parents and grandparents…
she said it was horribly violent for at least 3 generations before him…
and, believe it or not got slightly better with each one.
She told me that our grandfather abused grandma…
to the point that she had scars that she never showed, and treated her like a servant.
She agreed that he regularly hit his kids, many times without provocation or explanation.
I asked her if he ever abused me and she avoided that answer…
I told her about the way he would stroke my palm and call me "his chickadee"…
making me uncomfortable…
but she didn't answer the question.

I told her our theory on the abuse being male perpetrated on male…
she asked Dad's brother's names…
When I said the oldest uncle's name…
she physically wretched…
I was hit with an incredible wave of nausea and tears…
all she could say was "yuck".
She looked me in the eye and said that he used objects to penetrate…and that the victim was Dad.
She didn't have much about the other brother…
but felt he was involved in the perpetration but maybe had  both roles.

She would not confirm that our theory about our older brothers' victimization…
leading to my/our victimization…
but she conveyed a sense that it is true.

She responded very strongly to both our grandfather's name and the oldest uncle's name…
very negatively…
YUCK.
It felt slimy
It felt dirty
I felt ill

But I feel as if we understand and can stop the violence and start the long process of forgiveness.
That's our role in this lifetime…to forgive.

I want to respond to your post 2 days ago…it was powerful…but I've been caught up in my own drama…
tomorrow.
Love and Light,
Maggie