Connection, or not?

Good question - about abortion based on gender.  The horrific part of that is that there are not enough girls in China, there are not enough wives. I have read that younger women are being stolen and sold as brides, forced into marriage.  Instead of realizing these is a problem - it is being made worse.

Our species is too short-sighted, and we don't seem to learn from experience.

I have not read 50 Shades of Gray either, and am not interested, although supporters have told me that the main character does heal - becomes less abusive, I suppose.  Maybe that's the lesson.

But I think it all goes back to connection and violation.  To really be sexual with someone, we have to be absolutely vulnerable, naked on every level.  We are not connected.  We are terrified of connection - because we do live in a rape culture.  Our water, our air, our relationships are toxic, violent - but we adjust. We're all sick, but surviving.  And on some level we are looking for health.  We want connection, we will do anything for connection, so we use sex to  simulate connection.  But we are terrified of exposing ourselves, risking rejection, and diving into a true connective relationship with sex as one important part of the glue.

Sex without connection gets boring quickly. So instead of getting naked, we look for novelty. And entertainment tells us what everyone else is doing, and so we try it. And we're cool, and we're accepted - so it's a kind of connection.  I saw it happen with 3-ways.  No one was terribly interested until media told us it was the thing to do. Suddenly all the lemmings are having 3-ways.  When the novelty wore off, the bored were told to move onto anal.  No one wants to actually connect.  You know?

And so the novel was a look into someone else's failure to connect.  And it's popular because we understand. We are not connected.

When I was angry and depressed as an adolescent, I remember thinking - I didn't ask to be born. There were those moments when I wished Mom had not had me...It's a real part of emotion, of our make up.

Just to be fair, I found later that the quote I shared last time was made about 20 years ago. Perhaps this man has become wiser or kinder. Perhaps he has daughters...But the quote is still being pulled out and shown to us.  It is still important.

Hugs and kisses,

Clare