porcupine

Hi Maggie,

Keep sending energy, please.  The physical therapist gave me exercises to do, which I haven't been perfect about, but I am doing them and they are helping. She said she thought my wrist could regain the same flexibility and strength I had before the initial break.  I have hope, but appreciate the support!

Your class sounded like fun.  I wonder what the time flows like when one is a tree. Also, it would explain why I have the sense that trees are our elders.  One of the first lessons I received about sentience came from a tree.  When we lived on the farm, my ex decided to cut down a beautiful, mature choke cherry that provided such good shade. It's growth was pushing the dilapidated garage off center.  When he cut it, I was overwhelmed with sadness.  I was overcome.  I could not understand where the waves of emotion were coming from. Then all of a sudden, I knew it was the tree.

I learned then that cutting down a tree is really a huge decision. It is taking a life.  We don't have the right to just take any life we feel like.

He ended up ripping down the garage, years later. I felt such sadness again. That life was wasted for no reason. And we lost the shade that had made the back of the house so welcoming.

It's funny that you asked me what I think about my party now that I have had time to process.  My friend, the one who was with me and S#3, asked the exact same question today.  I went to a party given by someone else who was there, and some of the guests apologized for not being able to come. I commented that I was truly surprised.  And then the question was raised again.

I'm not sure what I think.  I did notice, though, that I am treating myself better. It's stupid little things. Like, I really don't like peanut butter, but it is inexpensive and a good source of protein, and so I buy it.  This week, I bought almond butter. I really love almond butter. I noticed that there are little ways in which I am treating myself more lovingly. I think that is because of the party. Because so many people demonstrated that I am worth the efforts to celebrate.

I also noticed that I was looking at some pictures of myself and was feeling much less self-critical...more accepting.  I think this is coming from the same place.

Another dream last night...I wonder if it is because we are on full moon...I dreamed I was hanging out with a porcupine. It was like she was my pet, yet she was my advisor. I wanted to do something that she was against, and she caught the skin of my hand with just two quills of her tail.  She did not hurt me, though...

Then today, I sat and watched a pileated woodpecker perched on a sumach branch for at least 3 minutes, eating bugs out of last years berries. It was amazing. And I had a close encounter with a peace eagle.

Nature seems to be shouting at me.

And I am smiling!

Love and hugs from Clare