spiraling

Clare,

I agree we need that levity everyday…
maybe that's a resolution to make.

This morning, as I meditated, I was moved to pull out my journals and read the February and March entries. I read back through 3 years and it is much the same…
sons are acting out…
I'm reactive…
feels like chaos…
something sets us right.
I'm spiraling…
this issue is probably SAD- seasonal affective disorder…
and I'm recognizing the pattern…
finally.
I actually pointed this out to my youngest yesterday during a talk…
and had to verify by re-reading the journals.
The spiral is at a different level of understanding, perception…
I'm not as lost…
or convinced that we are all going down…
it's livable…
and we are learning.
My youngest is on a 2 day out of school suspension…
for a multitude of minor infractions.
I am frustrated with his school…
but they must be really frustrated with my son to go to this extreme.
This will stay on his record…
he may have to explain his choices when enrolling in a college.
He broke up with his girlfriend yesterday…
things have been snowballing for him…
and he finally cracked.
I was terrified last night.
He went to the local mountain/migratory path- his favorite local place.
He said he was going to stay until well after dark.
Then his phone died before I could ask him to come back while it was light.
No battery=no flashlight…
the footing is difficult in many spots up there.
I was on my way to yoga.
I called husband and asked him to go up and find him…
and should I come back to help.
He assured me he would be ok alone and went up and found our son and several friends walking…
having a great time…
not understanding what the fuss was about.
I thought he was alone and in the dark…
he took friends and they had Light.
There is a message in this for me!
I think there's a bit of Grandma Delana in me.

The spiral is continuous.
I can't stop it.
I just have to keep moving forward on it.
I pray that I can recognize the growth and celebrate that, rather than lament that we are back at the same problem again.
Last night I heard myself think, "Stop this merry-go-round, I want to get off."
But, I really don't want off. I want peace in the circling.

I'd love a Reiki party. I will keep practicing and opening my channel.
Make me a channel of your peace…

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie