reiki session

Clare,

Listen to the wisdom of the earth…
it's ancient and unbiased…
and listen to the wisdom of your own heart…
don't drown it out with ice cream or bread.

I saw my Reiki friend yesterday…
it was an amazing session…
lots came forth that I was not expecting.

My body is trying to tell me to stop stressing…
Irritable bowel…
wheezing…
fatigue…
neck/shoulder pain…
it's pretty much screaming at me at this point.
I am trying to listen to the wisdom of my body.
One thing that came forth was my need to grieve the loss of my breasts and accept the new ones…
I secretly don't like them.
I realized that I never see my face when I see them in the mirror…
they are not part of me.
So I am toying with the idea of beautifying them with a white, lace tattoo to hide the scars and make them more acceptable.
I realized that my lack of libido is also centered around the new breasts…
when husband tries to touch them I am repelled…
I am disgusted…
Doesn't he know they're fake?
They are numb for God's sake!
I realized that in those moments of discomfort I am transported back to waking up with B#1 trying to rub my pre-pubescent breasts (age 10) to wake and stimulate me. It's repulsive. but, it is not husband's fault. He is trying got be nice and loving. I hate that feeling- it's so confusing.
I may need toy do some more work to come to terms with this.
We are seeing a hypno-therapist in May for another issue we are having, maybe I'll ask her about it and how to reframe it.

I had the strangest sensation last evening while on the table. I had a very strong sense that the young men's mother was trying to connect with me. It felt safe, so I wasn't afraid. I felt like she couldn't speak to me, despite trying. So I invited her to "show me". Still nothing happened. I tried to remain present to that sense for the remainder of the session and then I asked my healer about it. She confirmed that the deceased woman was there, trying to figure me out. She had never experienced genuine kindness in her lifetime and cannot understand why I would want to help her sons. She didn't know what to say, so she remained silent. I was told that she smiled and approves of the arrangement. I felt 'held' in that energy for a while. It was a good feeling.

I am going to a murder mystery dinner theater tonight to see my daughter perform. It should be fun, but part of me would love to put on PJs and just lay around tonight.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie