Breathe in Light

Exhausting weekend.  One of my daughter's friends took her son to the babysitter's home and found the place littered with beer cans, and a guy on the couch, smoking a cigarette.  She called my daughter in a panic, and so we took her almost two-year old overnight.  Then we had my grandchildren overnight.  I loved seeing them, but I am tired!!!


Oh I know exactly what you mean about singing.  I have had the exact same sense of union, perhaps that was a communion, in both Catholic and Quaker settings. But it is always a gift, a surprise.  I never see it coming. And it can happen with just two, too, when the harmony is unexpectedly perfect.  I think it has to be unexpected, though - like it's a rule.

I know the tapes, too, that inner criticism that runs non-stop. I stop some of it, or I stop very temporarily, but then it's back.  I appreciated your exploration of the tapes in reference to the upcoming party.  I went to that well-known social media and asked, and I found out our youngest sib is coming Thursday, everyone else seems to be coming in on Friday.  They are almost all staying nearby, where Dad's party was.  We have been asked to get to the park at 10 a, to help set up.  Guests will come at 1 p.  And I guess we're supposed to bring barbecue foods - meats, I think...so there's the planning for you!!!

Two of my kids have to be at a wedding that Saturday, and they didn't realize everything was the same day until the last few days.  So they will probably go up on Friday evening and visit whoever, and kiss Mom.  I, on the other hand, am working on Friday.  I made sure I blocked most of my schedule, and so I will end up spending a little time there.  I show up, but if you look at the family photos, I'm not really there.  I hide, too.  And maybe I'm a bit more dishonest than you...And we're camping...no reservations, no more trying to synchronize schedules with my kids!  We will have three small children with us, and so distance from the partying is a plus.

Now, I have every right to attend. I am expected to attend. But I do not feel welcomed to attend...

I think you summed up what most of us feel.  We are separate.  We are not really much of a family, although I feel like you and S#3 are truly my sisters now.  But we all feel like we are on the outside.  We feel like everyone else is connected and - well, family.  But none of us are in there, really.  At Dad's party, I was talking to B#2's ex.  She thought we all spent a lot of time together, and only B#2 was on the outside.  Same story, over and over...

Have you decided if you are coming?

I spent a lot of time thinking about the three states of Light, thank you very much,  I think that particle is solid, wave is liquid, so I've been trying to find an image for the gaseous, or Spiritual aspect of Light.  The closest I can come is, "Breathe in Light..."  So I'm still working on it.  

Thoughts?

Enjoy your evening, loving thoughts from -

Clare