whose memory is it?

Clare,
I'm sorry. I intended to sit down yesterday and then the day got ahead of me. I've been working every day in my gardens, preparing them for their winter rest. I love doing this chore. It gives me time to reflect on the past year. I harvest goodies from my garden through out the summer, but cutting down perennials and clearing/mulching leaves just makes me contemplative.

We will have our last football game this Thursday evening. My youngest will be lost without his time being structured around football. He has been mostly settled during this activity.

This past week has been very difficult for my older son. He is sensing the upcoming transition to college in January. He is not comfortable with change. He is uncomfortable with his friends at this point because they are content with no forward motion.
Last evening he lost it…
Cursing, screaming, crying…
lashing out to hurt his brother who was the easiest target…
finally I asked him to take a drive with me…
at 11:30 pm…
we drove in silence for a short time…
and then he unloaded his fears, negative expectations, worries, anxiety…
he let it all out and calmed with each sentence.
It was great to connect with him like that.
Today he is calmer…
more gathered…
he is back on track.

Whose memory is it?
What a great question…
Is it a leftover from previous lives?
Is it a DNA stamp from ancestors?
Is it a chimeric DNA stamp from our kids?
Is it cellular memory from preverbal life?
Fascinating…

My youngest has such a warrior's archetype…
his past lives showed a leadership role…
marrying a queen, I believe, and taking over a small country…
but ruling through fear and domination.

When he was in Arizona last year I wrote to him about the warrior archetype…
but how it can be an advocate or activist…
not simply a violent, aggressive sort of existence…
he seemed to buy in.
Ever since he could walk and talk he had night terrors…
always screaming and defending himself against an unseen foe…
it was heart wrenching to walk with him…
making sure he didn't injure himself in the "battle" of the dream.
I've always wondered what past life experience was reliving itself during those terrors.

My older son was the mortal enemy of my younger in a past life…
and they are still battling it out.
last evening my older son said that his life would have been better if the younger were not born…
that hurts to hear that as a mother.
but, I do wonder how his life would be different if the youngest was not here…
or how the others would be if each of them were not here…
it's an impossible question because those that are meant to be present are present.

I'm glad that our shared past lives have been supportive of each other…
not enemies.

The dream is interesting…
I've been told that car dreams signify change…
moving into a new direction.
Losing the first half of the car…
perhaps it's time to let go of the first half of life and those painful lessons that leave us isolated…
moving with courage into the next part of life.
What does the tree/stump symbolize…
that is an interesting question.
What do you think it will take to allow you to remove those memories/experiences that have set your previous course and move into a new one?
This is going to sound morbid…but I'll share it.
I have had fleeting thoughts of Dad's brother dying…
and at the funeral a catharsis opening a dialogue of the burden of abuse that this family carries…
in my mind it is a healing and freeing experience.

My body is exhausted…
a good tired.
I believe that S#3 is visiting with you this weekend. Give her my love.
Enjoy your time together…
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie