not profound today

Maggie,

I was the queen of drama.  When I was actively married, and he was late, I was sure there was a bloody accident somewhere. I created my drama internally by imagining the worst that could happen.

If I was late, he would come looking for me.  But when he was late, I had to trust him, and just know he was okay.

I think I'm a lot less dramatic now, a lot more serene and at peace with myself and my world.

I am here alone, I have time to get things done.  I have the house ripped apart as I clean and reorganize, but I can't seem to light a fire under my butt!  I am trying to honor myself, and be okay with just sitting or moving slowly.  But inside my head, again, I am berating myself - just a bit. I am frustrating myself.

Maybe this is the serene version of drama!

I have also turned my back on opportunities I really wanted to take.  That has allowed me to wallow in regret and luxuriate in a nice long-term drama replay, followed by a serious round of  "what if...??"

I helped my youngest write a resume today. Then we sent it to S#3 and she professionalized it up.  My child is tired of the management where she works.  They keep losing staff, and not hiring replacements.  Then, those who are loyal to the company get to work nine days straight, and struggle with child care through erratic shift changes until they are burned out.

So she's off to find a new adventure.

I wish I had something profound to add, but that's not where I am at.  Instead, I am making lists of everything I need to do, and then doing a bit in slow motion...

Maybe I'll be profound tomorrow...

Love and hugs from Clare