drama...crisis...drama

Hi Sister,

It is both amazing and heartbreaking when a mama gets a child launched. I have often joked that parenthood is the only profession where, if you do a good job - in the end, you don't have a job.  They don't need you any more.

In truth, it seems they will always need us, but it changes.  We move out of the central part of their lives.

I have been ripping my house apart, in order to put it back together. I think I'm getting ready for winter.  I have been taking all the books off the shelves and wiping everyhting down. I really should be winnowing out some of them, but I don't have a way to get them to the library for the annual sale.  So, they are going back - on different shelves.

I think it all started when my youngest asked if she could have the small dresser in which all my knitting supplies and excess of yarn reside.  She needs something compact for the baby's clothes.  So, I started reorganizing.

When I do this, spring clean, and maybe this is an autumn clean, or a prewinter clean, it feels like I am making space for something new.

I like that feeling.

I did a spiritual check-in before a Friend's committee meeting, and told the story of the dread-locked angel.  Since then, I realized, I have been spiritually curious, waiting. I guess it's that Friendly silent expectation!

Before winter, I have to get cleaned out/cleaned up, I have to buy and stack at least two cords of firewood,  and at this time of year, I make and can foods. I love the process.  The baby and I picked crab apples yesterday, and made a juice, which is currently straining. I will make jelly in the next few days.  I love the look of crab apple jelly.  It is golden pink.  And the flavor is usually delicate.  But mostly, it reminds me of my mother-in-law's mother, Nana. I loved Nana so much, and still miss her sometimes. Crab apple jelly and potato soup were among her favorites.

I notice that as I get older, as I move through the year, I am reminded of certain people who are gone. Lilacs mean Grammy.  I think the feverfew I have is a piece that survived from Grandma's rock garden outside her back door up on the hill.

I wonder what people will remember of me.

I really appreciated your thoughts about crisis.  It does take a crisis to push us onto a healing path - no matter what level - physical, spiritual, emotional, psychic.  Some very healthy people seem to know how to evolve, to maintain awareness everyday. But mostly we need a crisis.

I find myself rethinking drama.  People raised in chaos often create drama when life is quiet.  I think calm and loving and safe feel very unsafe, and so drama destroys all that and takes us to a safe, known place.  I definitely understand the dynamic. But after reading your insights on crisis, I wonder if sometimes people create a drama in order to simulate crisis, hoping for that moment of evolution...

Nephew has gone home for a few days.  It will be quiet up on the hill - although, honestly it usually is since he tends to be very quiet.  It'll be just me and the critters...

Love and hugs from Clare