sabotage

Clare,

I'm back from the island.
Before I left, I completed the 5 K that I organized for my work...
I had some great support on the day of the race...
but carried much of the organizational responsibilities myself.
I became ill the day of the race.
I slept 3.5 of the 6 days I was on the island.
I decided at one point that I needed to see a doctor...
but the clinic on the island closed- so I gutted it out.
I am fine...at least healing.

I am confused about your summer visitor.
Did he come over with expectations of becoming a couple?
What were his expectations?
What were yours?
Is he so cruel because you didn't reciprocate?
Humans are kind until they are hurt...
then they strike out at you.

I am trading water at work. I cannot keep up the pace that I've been maintaining since the spring. Part of me wants to go back to part-time...
I need time for me.
I miss walking, yoga, meditation, crafting, reading, playing.
I have a meeting with my board chair soon, I am trying to decide what I want from all of this.
My co-worker, former boss, makes the office very "prickly" when I get attention she used to receive. I hate walking on egg shells when her nose gets bent out of shape. I hate dramatics.
I also have not yet figured out how to assert myself as the "executive director" because she maintains the role- minus the administrative bull that goes along with it. I am her secretary as well as my own, do the office bills and banking, I am a 'wife'.
I need a wife.
Part of me wants to just quit...
I think that's a direct sabotage of some potentially good work...
but it is honest.

I am going to try to be more disciplined with my habits...
yoga, meditation, journaling, blogging...
most have gone by the wayside because of my puppy.
He has needed a lot of time and attention, particularly in the morning...
but he's getting less needed...
and it's getting darker and cold in the morning.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie