Long day…
many twists and turns…
I will write about it tomorrow.
Love and Light,
Maggie
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Sending love
When the kid tells you what he will do - that's not negotiating. That's a kid who wants to be in charge. Negotiating involves recognizing and respecting each other's limits.
What is your older son doing? Where is he getting it?
It seems like a game almost, of outwit Mom, and then you have to outwit them. You have to go looking for the missing duffel bag. You have to call the party and threaten to call the enlisting sergeant.
Sounds kind of like a war - and we know war only escalates.
We never went through this as teenagers because Mom and Dad rarely cared where we were and what we did. So you are venturing into new terrain. I was a bit clueless about what was going on when mine were younger. My kids were raiding their Dad's stash...not kidding. I had gotten in his face when our first was a toddler and made sure he never had it in the house, and made him agree not to have it around the kids.
My oldest son has an early memory of Dad smoking in the car, and telling him not to tell Mom. Yeah - teach them to lie early, divide the family...
Somewhere along the way, the kids asked about Dad's pipe. I said he didn't smoke a pipe, and several said - Oh yes he does.
I got really upset.
So he lied and hid it deeper. Sometimes he would rail at me about not watching the kids and they were getting into things. I asked if they were destroying anything or getting into trouble. He said no. I was alone with the kids all week. He was only home on weekend. I was busy. I didn't have time to police his private area of the barn if nothing bad was happening. He didn't want to tell me they were getting into his stash.
After he left, we went for a long time with no problems...A lot of that was due to peer group. Peer group is so important.
But we have had our struggles. And sometimes I didn't know what to do. Sometimes I sat and cried because I didn't have anyone to talk to. No one was a passionate about them as I was.
Remember, you have me...I am here.
Follow your heart. Is there any way to restart them with a new peer group? Like, send one to the Quaker boarding school my youngest attended out west?
But, no matter where you go, the culture is alive and well, and they will find it. Something needs to be healed in them.
I know you should follow your intuition. I know you need to do something. What does their father think? Does he have any insight? What about the girls? They may have generational insights or experiences shared by friends which could give a leading.
Keep me posted.
Sending love and hugs and Light...I care.
Clare
P.S. - You dump the beer!
What is your older son doing? Where is he getting it?
It seems like a game almost, of outwit Mom, and then you have to outwit them. You have to go looking for the missing duffel bag. You have to call the party and threaten to call the enlisting sergeant.
Sounds kind of like a war - and we know war only escalates.
We never went through this as teenagers because Mom and Dad rarely cared where we were and what we did. So you are venturing into new terrain. I was a bit clueless about what was going on when mine were younger. My kids were raiding their Dad's stash...not kidding. I had gotten in his face when our first was a toddler and made sure he never had it in the house, and made him agree not to have it around the kids.
My oldest son has an early memory of Dad smoking in the car, and telling him not to tell Mom. Yeah - teach them to lie early, divide the family...
Somewhere along the way, the kids asked about Dad's pipe. I said he didn't smoke a pipe, and several said - Oh yes he does.
I got really upset.
So he lied and hid it deeper. Sometimes he would rail at me about not watching the kids and they were getting into things. I asked if they were destroying anything or getting into trouble. He said no. I was alone with the kids all week. He was only home on weekend. I was busy. I didn't have time to police his private area of the barn if nothing bad was happening. He didn't want to tell me they were getting into his stash.
After he left, we went for a long time with no problems...A lot of that was due to peer group. Peer group is so important.
But we have had our struggles. And sometimes I didn't know what to do. Sometimes I sat and cried because I didn't have anyone to talk to. No one was a passionate about them as I was.
Remember, you have me...I am here.
Follow your heart. Is there any way to restart them with a new peer group? Like, send one to the Quaker boarding school my youngest attended out west?
But, no matter where you go, the culture is alive and well, and they will find it. Something needs to be healed in them.
I know you should follow your intuition. I know you need to do something. What does their father think? Does he have any insight? What about the girls? They may have generational insights or experiences shared by friends which could give a leading.
Keep me posted.
Sending love and hugs and Light...I care.
Clare
P.S. - You dump the beer!
negotiate??
My youngest wants to negotiate…
allow them free access/use of pot and he won't get involved in anything harder.
I told him that I draw the line at legality…
so, no pot is not OK.
I also found out that the older one is using harder drugs now too.
I have to look at professional options…
I can't lose them to drugs.
I am sick, tired and overwhelmed…
trying to keep my perspective, but desperately wanting them to just be straight.
I need sleep and time to think.
Maggie
So I forgot that I hadn't told you what happened yesterday. The youngest came back after husband came home…without the duffle bag he left with. He was evasive when asked what happened to it…so I went looking.
Out in the rain and mud…across a field and then up a dirt road I found it…not very far from the house.
Inside was a homemade pipe, bong and 12 beers.
He got angry…went out and drank 3 - 4 beers and then came back home.
seriously???
allow them free access/use of pot and he won't get involved in anything harder.
I told him that I draw the line at legality…
so, no pot is not OK.
I also found out that the older one is using harder drugs now too.
I have to look at professional options…
I can't lose them to drugs.
I am sick, tired and overwhelmed…
trying to keep my perspective, but desperately wanting them to just be straight.
I need sleep and time to think.
Maggie
So I forgot that I hadn't told you what happened yesterday. The youngest came back after husband came home…without the duffle bag he left with. He was evasive when asked what happened to it…so I went looking.
Out in the rain and mud…across a field and then up a dirt road I found it…not very far from the house.
Inside was a homemade pipe, bong and 12 beers.
He got angry…went out and drank 3 - 4 beers and then came back home.
seriously???
Monday, April 7, 2014
negotiate
Ireland is on my list. And I would love to see Istanbul.
Your comment about your ear infection is interesting. Everyone seems to have some similar ailments . And everyone I have talked to is having a hard time sleeping, is very emotional, is off center...I think everyone is ripe for change. I am not surprised your Reiki practitioner noticed. I think everyone is up for something big.
My neighbor, the older psychic woman, had a dream that she was in a glass room, absolutely transparent, with water flowing freely and cleanly down the walls. Since then she is having visions - clear visions. I think heightened sensitivity is also part of what is happening to all of us. And you have noticed it! You are part of it!
We're changing.
I wonder if you could find the right words when talking to your sons. I don't know if I have advice. What I think you are doing right and best is offering consistency. What I did when mine were young was negotiate. We negotiated everything. That does not mean they never did anything stupid. That does not mean they did not het in trouble. But what I noticed was that when we negotiated, they abided by our agreement. We talked it all out, sometimes at great length.
I remember thinking, more than once - "Damn, why can't you all just do what I say!" It took a lot of work, but it was worth it in the end.
Interesting question - are you being too strict to keep them from being like our brothers? How much freedom do they have compared to their peers? Not their friends, but to the average student in their class? You parent differently than we were parented. Our brothers had completely different problems...
What I hear from the outside is that you are always calm and friendly in the way you talk to them. I don't understand why they think it is okay to call their mom a bitch. That is abusive. Their father allows them to speak to any woman, especially his wife, that way?
Only you know what is going on inside your home. As soon as someone from outside the immediate family enters, the dynamics change.
What do you think? What do you want? How do you get there? And you're right - this age sucks...really sucks. Even the notoriously good kids do stupid things!
Don't give up. Keep smiling, and don't let anyone call you a bitch or doubt your sanity.
Still feeling exhausted and congested and achey. I'll be back tomorrow.
I love you,
Clare
Your comment about your ear infection is interesting. Everyone seems to have some similar ailments . And everyone I have talked to is having a hard time sleeping, is very emotional, is off center...I think everyone is ripe for change. I am not surprised your Reiki practitioner noticed. I think everyone is up for something big.
My neighbor, the older psychic woman, had a dream that she was in a glass room, absolutely transparent, with water flowing freely and cleanly down the walls. Since then she is having visions - clear visions. I think heightened sensitivity is also part of what is happening to all of us. And you have noticed it! You are part of it!
We're changing.
I wonder if you could find the right words when talking to your sons. I don't know if I have advice. What I think you are doing right and best is offering consistency. What I did when mine were young was negotiate. We negotiated everything. That does not mean they never did anything stupid. That does not mean they did not het in trouble. But what I noticed was that when we negotiated, they abided by our agreement. We talked it all out, sometimes at great length.
I remember thinking, more than once - "Damn, why can't you all just do what I say!" It took a lot of work, but it was worth it in the end.
Interesting question - are you being too strict to keep them from being like our brothers? How much freedom do they have compared to their peers? Not their friends, but to the average student in their class? You parent differently than we were parented. Our brothers had completely different problems...
What I hear from the outside is that you are always calm and friendly in the way you talk to them. I don't understand why they think it is okay to call their mom a bitch. That is abusive. Their father allows them to speak to any woman, especially his wife, that way?
Only you know what is going on inside your home. As soon as someone from outside the immediate family enters, the dynamics change.
What do you think? What do you want? How do you get there? And you're right - this age sucks...really sucks. Even the notoriously good kids do stupid things!
Don't give up. Keep smiling, and don't let anyone call you a bitch or doubt your sanity.
Still feeling exhausted and congested and achey. I'll be back tomorrow.
I love you,
Clare
In need of wisdom
So, all day long my sons have been texting me, from school, asking to go out after school…
one has detention for cursing…
I told them to come home and then we could discuss it…
they continue to text…
the younger one sent 12 text messages and 2 phone calls…
all the same answer…come home and we will figure it out.
Well, I got home and he - once again- blew up about what a b#*^h I am and how he makes me hate this house. He asked me what I have done to make him feel loved and welcomed here…
I pointed out the obvious, last weeks 4 day sickness…
He wanted to know another example.
Do men ever remember anything????
It's like the man who just had sex and wants it again…
hello, we just did that!
Yeah but that was so yesterday!
Sorry, I am so TIRED of male energy right now…
I want to "get me to a nunnery".
Everything I do is short lived and forgotten…
my first married song was "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole…
and yet no one remembers what I do an hour or a day later.
I just arrived home from the reiki healer…
she told me that transitions are coming my way…
and decisions that will require me to consider my needs first…
that's a lot to ask of me…
but I am willing to do that…
I am willing to consider my needs, because I believe that will serve the greater good.
So, help me to remain consistent with these boys…
part of me wants to cave and take the road of least resistance…
but then that song, "I Hope You Dance" plays in my head and I don't want to settle…
I want to be strong and consistent, but remain flexible.
This stage sucks! It REALLY sucks!
AM I being to strict- to avoid them turning out like our brothers?
I wonder if some of my reactions are based on subconscious memories.
Am I responding or am I reacting?
I can't tell.
I need some distance to see the big picture.
I need some insight and advice.
Any wisdom?
Maggie
one has detention for cursing…
I told them to come home and then we could discuss it…
they continue to text…
the younger one sent 12 text messages and 2 phone calls…
all the same answer…come home and we will figure it out.
Well, I got home and he - once again- blew up about what a b#*^h I am and how he makes me hate this house. He asked me what I have done to make him feel loved and welcomed here…
I pointed out the obvious, last weeks 4 day sickness…
He wanted to know another example.
Do men ever remember anything????
It's like the man who just had sex and wants it again…
hello, we just did that!
Yeah but that was so yesterday!
Sorry, I am so TIRED of male energy right now…
I want to "get me to a nunnery".
Everything I do is short lived and forgotten…
my first married song was "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole…
and yet no one remembers what I do an hour or a day later.
I just arrived home from the reiki healer…
she told me that transitions are coming my way…
and decisions that will require me to consider my needs first…
that's a lot to ask of me…
but I am willing to do that…
I am willing to consider my needs, because I believe that will serve the greater good.
So, help me to remain consistent with these boys…
part of me wants to cave and take the road of least resistance…
but then that song, "I Hope You Dance" plays in my head and I don't want to settle…
I want to be strong and consistent, but remain flexible.
This stage sucks! It REALLY sucks!
AM I being to strict- to avoid them turning out like our brothers?
I wonder if some of my reactions are based on subconscious memories.
Am I responding or am I reacting?
I can't tell.
I need some distance to see the big picture.
I need some insight and advice.
Any wisdom?
Maggie
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Tuning in
Clare,
So what other I destinations are you going to visit: Ireland, Iraq, Iran, Istanbul? It might be fun to see how far you can go.
I've had a weekend of not feeling well. I don't think I've ever had an earache before, but Friday evening I developed one and it is still here. It's not as painful as it is pressure- sensation, but every once in a while it really hurts. Now I understand all of that crying when my kids were little. I can pop it at times which sounds terrible- a high pitched squeaky noise in my head- but the relief is very limited.
We went to a Jazz concert on Friday evening, A french-american woman who sang like Billy Holiday. It was really wonderful. SHe did not have much of a stage presence, but her voice was magnifique.
I have been working overtime on this costuming project. I have all of the pieces done for 4 of the 5 female leads. The final one's skirt is finished, but he (he's cross-dressing) had bariatric surgery, so I am giving him a week or so more to lose weight. I had the fun of trying some of the pieces on S#3 last week…she's a good sport…they actually worked really well.
I am looking forward to a crazy, crazy month. I have work, in addition to the usual responsibilities I have an advocacy day in Harrisburg this week. Next week I have 2 evening presentations for my SW job and then another evening presentation the following week. It is crunch time for my class- an exam this week and then 3 weeks until the final. I still have aprons to make for all 5 actresses. And 2 actors need outfits- they haven't been cast yet, so I have no idea what size to make. I have to plan an Earth Day display. The counseling is going really well, but I am getting busier each week.
The past 2 weeks counseling has been really amazing. I find myself with insights that really help the clients. I think that something is guiding me. I listen and then something from my past lessons comes up…I get to share these hard-earned lessons. For example, I have a young woman- terrible childhood, Mom with mental illness, Dad remarried and step-mother hated her. She left home at 10 to live with grandma- that was better, but Grandma didn't give up her schedule to accommodate this woman. She left home at 17 to marry a man she met on the internet- abusive relationship after abusive relationship has brought her to 7 kids by multiple men, no education (left school in 8th grade). She broke down this week and cried that she has wasted her life, that she has nothing. All she wants to do is to return home, to the mid-west. I thought of the Wizard of Oz- my favorite movie. She said she loved that movie. I told her that she was Dorothy, setting out on the yellow brick road…she's got a lot of trials and triumphs ahead of her…but eventually she will come to see that everything she really needs is already inside of her. It felt as if we really connected over that. It felt right and she "got it".
Other things, like that have happened…it amazes me when the right words are there for them. I know it's bigger than me…I'm not directing this…I feel as if I am a channel for the words. I think I am where I am supposed to be. So, despite my distracted state, or over burdened state- I am "tuning in" at times.
I hope that you had a wonderful weekend. I am looking forward to the week ahead. I have a reiki appointment tomorrow- that's always interesting.
Until tomorrow,
Love and Light,
Maggie
So what other I destinations are you going to visit: Ireland, Iraq, Iran, Istanbul? It might be fun to see how far you can go.
I've had a weekend of not feeling well. I don't think I've ever had an earache before, but Friday evening I developed one and it is still here. It's not as painful as it is pressure- sensation, but every once in a while it really hurts. Now I understand all of that crying when my kids were little. I can pop it at times which sounds terrible- a high pitched squeaky noise in my head- but the relief is very limited.
We went to a Jazz concert on Friday evening, A french-american woman who sang like Billy Holiday. It was really wonderful. SHe did not have much of a stage presence, but her voice was magnifique.
I have been working overtime on this costuming project. I have all of the pieces done for 4 of the 5 female leads. The final one's skirt is finished, but he (he's cross-dressing) had bariatric surgery, so I am giving him a week or so more to lose weight. I had the fun of trying some of the pieces on S#3 last week…she's a good sport…they actually worked really well.
I am looking forward to a crazy, crazy month. I have work, in addition to the usual responsibilities I have an advocacy day in Harrisburg this week. Next week I have 2 evening presentations for my SW job and then another evening presentation the following week. It is crunch time for my class- an exam this week and then 3 weeks until the final. I still have aprons to make for all 5 actresses. And 2 actors need outfits- they haven't been cast yet, so I have no idea what size to make. I have to plan an Earth Day display. The counseling is going really well, but I am getting busier each week.
The past 2 weeks counseling has been really amazing. I find myself with insights that really help the clients. I think that something is guiding me. I listen and then something from my past lessons comes up…I get to share these hard-earned lessons. For example, I have a young woman- terrible childhood, Mom with mental illness, Dad remarried and step-mother hated her. She left home at 10 to live with grandma- that was better, but Grandma didn't give up her schedule to accommodate this woman. She left home at 17 to marry a man she met on the internet- abusive relationship after abusive relationship has brought her to 7 kids by multiple men, no education (left school in 8th grade). She broke down this week and cried that she has wasted her life, that she has nothing. All she wants to do is to return home, to the mid-west. I thought of the Wizard of Oz- my favorite movie. She said she loved that movie. I told her that she was Dorothy, setting out on the yellow brick road…she's got a lot of trials and triumphs ahead of her…but eventually she will come to see that everything she really needs is already inside of her. It felt as if we really connected over that. It felt right and she "got it".
Other things, like that have happened…it amazes me when the right words are there for them. I know it's bigger than me…I'm not directing this…I feel as if I am a channel for the words. I think I am where I am supposed to be. So, despite my distracted state, or over burdened state- I am "tuning in" at times.
I hope that you had a wonderful weekend. I am looking forward to the week ahead. I have a reiki appointment tomorrow- that's always interesting.
Until tomorrow,
Love and Light,
Maggie
I's
Dreamed last night, of getting a passport. Then I visited India, sort of accidentally. It seemed like my impression of the US in the 40s or 50s. Wherever I was, there were a lot of hills and deciduous trees. And houses close together...Then I visited Italy.
Stuck me that I was visiting I's.
Thinking about being poor, probably because of my impressions of India. The poor are separated from the Earth. The rich own everything, even things that can not be owned, and displace the rest of us rendering us detached. The rich separate themselves from the Earth and from the poor, who are bad and wicked and dirty, with their possessions.
When the catastrophes happen, when the planet takes us all for a wild ride, those who are not attached are flung off. Those who are connected, they know how to hang on, and maybe even enjoy the ride.
This week, with people's emotions, with dreams, with the news, I have the strong sensation that we are on a roller coaster that has been slowly climbing up, up, up. Now we are almost at that balance point at the very top. We are in for a ride we can't possibly stop.
And - I'm off for my day - which started with the dog gagging on the couch. I pulled him down so he wouldn't vomit on the upholstery. So he went running for the other couch. Really????? I got him out the door before he retched!
Hope you have an interesting day!
Love,
Clare
Stuck me that I was visiting I's.
Thinking about being poor, probably because of my impressions of India. The poor are separated from the Earth. The rich own everything, even things that can not be owned, and displace the rest of us rendering us detached. The rich separate themselves from the Earth and from the poor, who are bad and wicked and dirty, with their possessions.
When the catastrophes happen, when the planet takes us all for a wild ride, those who are not attached are flung off. Those who are connected, they know how to hang on, and maybe even enjoy the ride.
This week, with people's emotions, with dreams, with the news, I have the strong sensation that we are on a roller coaster that has been slowly climbing up, up, up. Now we are almost at that balance point at the very top. We are in for a ride we can't possibly stop.
And - I'm off for my day - which started with the dog gagging on the couch. I pulled him down so he wouldn't vomit on the upholstery. So he went running for the other couch. Really????? I got him out the door before he retched!
Hope you have an interesting day!
Love,
Clare
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