Hey Sister!
Enjoying the sun? And the surf? And the ocean breezes?
I saw your family portrait at the house, and was surprised your foster son was not there...
I saw two quotes that set my mind into overdrive. So I decided to share them with you, since you are in a place where you can relax and think, and play.
There is a rule, either you do spiritual practices, or the unconscious will force you to act them out in pseudo-ritual ways. I really believe that a lot of addictions and compulsive behaviors are unconscious ritual. -Robert Moore
And so I have been thinking about addiction and compulsion. My brain was comparing sharing a bowl with someone to a Japanese tea ceremony.
Addiction in community - drinking together, smoking together, whatever together always seems to have protocols. The rules create community. You are in if you know how to do whatever it is they everyone is doing.
But on the other hand, we don't seem to have rituals that celebrate anything authentic anymore. We don't celebrate manhood or womanhood - there are no ceremonies for first menses anymore. We just become adult woman by learning to hide it and to not change our behavior in the least.
High school graduation - maybe. Release from the institution! The prom - big stretch. I don't know.
Maybe the lack of authentic celebrations leads to isolation and therefore to addiction, to numbing...
And compulsion - so many of them seem to be rooted in, "I forgot to do something!" I forgot to develop a spiritual practice, maybe!?
The other quote is:
For what is to die but stand naked in the Wind and melt into the Sun? And what is to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless Tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of Silence, shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the Earth shall claim your limbs, then you shall truly Dance. -Kahlil Gibran
To drink from the River of Silence...wow...to drink from the River of Silence. Is this what we do in meeting? Is worship just a little death, we meet - expanded and freed, naked and melting, singing and dancing...for just a short while.
And it described the process Dad is going through - whether now or in 5 years from now - we are all in process of leaving - beautifully. It doesn't seem frightening. We are all trying to figure out how to get naked in the wind and melt into the sun. But some of us, ahem, are sort of bouncing around on one foot with our other foot stuck in our jeans, hoping we won't fall on the others and start a domino topple.
I had an odd dream about an old friend. People used to mistake us for each other. We met at Meeting, then discovered our sons were pen-pals through their kindergarten classes.
I dreamed she moved to this area. I dreamed she moved into the house I lived in after I lost the land. I went home with her, and was shocked to slowly realize this was my former home. She repainted a few of the walls, but all of the furniture was exactly the way I had it. I was looking around, and I realize this was not my former physical home, this was a part of the dream house with the scary thing in it. I started being drawn back a hallway, and realized I was going to be terrified, so I just sort of said, "No, I'm not doing that." and I left.
I woke up surprised that there was still the scary thing, and that I was almost tricked into going back there. But when I woke up, I was breathing normally, and my heart was not racing.
I'm not sure what it means. Does my old friend stand for me?
As I was writing this, it sort of came to me that the scary thing is probably something that happened to me. And suddenly I wondered what the wind-naked, sun-melted, expanded, climbing, singing, dancing Clare will say when looking at what happened. And this Clare was so loving, compassionate, warm and mothering with the wounded self hiding in the scary place.
Changes are happening!
Any dolphins yet?
Love and hugs from Clare
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