When you say Presence is the ultimate meaning of life, do you mean in a religious sense of bring in the Light or in that sense of being near/in/around something divine or otherworldly? Or do you mean developing a Presence, of being strong/solid, almost one with the above attempted description?
I would argue that in my life, when faced with Fate I have suffered because I have refused to step up and honor my soul commitments. I have a vested interest in staying in the background. Does it cause suffering to meet Fate and go forward? Or does one suffer while striving to meet the soul's commitments? This passage inspires many queries...
It sounded like you had a successful, relaxing Thanksgiving. It had its wedgied up and down moments, but I sensed joy. What usually happens at Christmas? What is the best Christmas memory ever? I know you used to love the Grinch? Is that still true?
I'm not very Christian in my approach to this holiday. I don't think it's an actual birthday. I think there is something innately human about celebrating the solstices. Every year we live through the darkening days, it feels more and more depressing. Then on the darkest day of all, we celebrate the Light. Every holiday in every culture in the northern hemisphere at this time of year involves candles or fires or lights. It is as if we pull out every single light, every form of light possible, to call back the light or to prove we believe in the light, to indicate we have not lost hope. Holding out the Light, holding onto hope...
Christmas.
Unfortunately, we race around too much, we turn on as many lights as possible to block out the darkness. We stay busy when we should be centering down, finding our center, our source, our Light. We try to avoid facing the dark by going to WalMart and trampling someone to death over an iPad or a new toaster.
What would a perfect Christmas include for you? What is most important? What would you like to feel?
Sending loving thoughts,
Clare
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
joy, love, peace, Presence…my morning meditation
It is interesting…
during the interview I was asked what type of client I would like to avoid…
I responded angry men…
they intimidate me.
I have trouble asserting myself in their presence and more importantly responding to their needs…
I jump into react/protect mode…
some things we may never shake.
I want to share several ideas from Frankl's book…
I think it speaks to our recurrent topic of suffering.
I cannot find the passage…
but it was Frankl's synthesis of his motivating principle of finding meaning in life…
he wrote that Freud believed that life and behavior was driven by pleasure…
Adler believed it to be motivated by acquisition of skills and/or achievements…
and Frankl came to believe that life and individual's behaviors are driven by a search for meaning…
I really like that…
it allows for many levels of achievement and maturation…
and validates each as a step to the next or as a place to rest, and live.
He writes, "Every man is confronted with fate, with the chance of achieving something through his own suffering."
This morning, I got up extra early- husband stepped in dog vomit- and had an extended period of meditation. I picked up Thomas Kelly's book, A Testament of Devotion, and randomly started to read. I read about the "fruits of the Spirit" which include: joy, love, peace, and Presence…
I think the Presence is Frankl's ultimate meaning of life…
that makes sense to me…
I will mentally work on this for some time to come.
He (Frankl) also speaks of love as the highest goal to aspire to, "The salvation of man is through love and in love."…I really like that thought…and it fits well with Kelly's message.
I am catching up with cleaning and laundry today. I had several days with no water pump so I am behind. I also had a sick dog at the same time. My big dog had 2 more seizures…which means incontinence…and she ate 6 sweet rolls which made her vomit for 36 hours…it has been a lot of fun trying to spot clean as I can. I think I am renting a carpet cleaner this afternoon to really get the areas clean.
I have no motivation to start Christmas shopping…I am even finding Christmas Carols to be tedious this year…I can't figure out if my spiritual center has shifted so much that I am letting go of the external holiday celebrations or if I am depressed…I am hoping for the former.
Love and Light,
Maggie
during the interview I was asked what type of client I would like to avoid…
I responded angry men…
they intimidate me.
I have trouble asserting myself in their presence and more importantly responding to their needs…
I jump into react/protect mode…
some things we may never shake.
I want to share several ideas from Frankl's book…
I think it speaks to our recurrent topic of suffering.
I cannot find the passage…
but it was Frankl's synthesis of his motivating principle of finding meaning in life…
he wrote that Freud believed that life and behavior was driven by pleasure…
Adler believed it to be motivated by acquisition of skills and/or achievements…
and Frankl came to believe that life and individual's behaviors are driven by a search for meaning…
I really like that…
it allows for many levels of achievement and maturation…
and validates each as a step to the next or as a place to rest, and live.
He writes, "Every man is confronted with fate, with the chance of achieving something through his own suffering."
This morning, I got up extra early- husband stepped in dog vomit- and had an extended period of meditation. I picked up Thomas Kelly's book, A Testament of Devotion, and randomly started to read. I read about the "fruits of the Spirit" which include: joy, love, peace, and Presence…
I think the Presence is Frankl's ultimate meaning of life…
that makes sense to me…
I will mentally work on this for some time to come.
He (Frankl) also speaks of love as the highest goal to aspire to, "The salvation of man is through love and in love."…I really like that thought…and it fits well with Kelly's message.
I am catching up with cleaning and laundry today. I had several days with no water pump so I am behind. I also had a sick dog at the same time. My big dog had 2 more seizures…which means incontinence…and she ate 6 sweet rolls which made her vomit for 36 hours…it has been a lot of fun trying to spot clean as I can. I think I am renting a carpet cleaner this afternoon to really get the areas clean.
I have no motivation to start Christmas shopping…I am even finding Christmas Carols to be tedious this year…I can't figure out if my spiritual center has shifted so much that I am letting go of the external holiday celebrations or if I am depressed…I am hoping for the former.
Love and Light,
Maggie
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
LOVE
I like your description of your new workplace. Will you be counseling people one-on-one? Your schedule already has me confused! But it sounds exhilarating.
Thank you for your comments on my parenting. I read books about tribal peoples and attachment parenting, extended nursing, the family bed...I read Mothering magazine. It all helped me to follow my instincts. My pediatrician convinced me to let me two-year old cry it out in order to train her to sleep without me before her brother was born. It broke my heart. I sat on the floor outside of her room and cried, too. She didn't know that though. She only knew she was alone. I gave in and decided to do it my way, the humane way, but not until the next night, I think. I still don't understand why I was being obedient to someone who wasn't even part of our family, who did not passionately love my baby. I regret that night so much, but maybe that was when I gained the strength to say no to authority.
We need to stop and think about what tears mean. I know of a little one who was taken to day care for the first time as a toddler. The first day he was curious, and patiently waiting for his parent. When he went back the second day, he broke down and sobbed. They couldn't understand why he was so good one day, but not the next. I knew immediately. The first day was a novelty. The second day he understood that they his parents had given him to the institution, that life would never be the same again. But when young parents are forced by this inhumane system to work, we can't talk about it. The already feel guilty. And there is so little choice.
I wonder, too, about this inner drive we have to survive. I have seen animals as well as humans in terrible pain, or crippled, or being abused, and yet we survive. Why do we want to be here so very much? It is beautiful here, if we are left alone by the pathologically greedy and competitive to enjoy - but we're not left alone. We suffer. Yet we don't want to leave. Or we want to leave, but are too cowardly to do ourselves in...I don't know...Or maybe there's and endless source of hopefulness in our souls - maybe somebody will see me, maybe somebody will love me. Maybe that is why we stay...
I wanted to share an Emmy note. Our new Emily has become our Emmy-Emmy. She has become sleek and comfortable. This weekend when we had so much company arriving, she started barking at someone. I asked her to stop, I told her to stop, then I bent over, quickly, to let her know I was serious. She immediately dropped to her knees and cringed, eyes closed. It shocked me. She was waiting to be hit. My mind worked quickly, and I knew I had to stay bent over her, very close and scold her, so that she would learn that I will not hit her. But it broke my heart to see her cringe.
Yet she wants to live. She wants to be loved and accepted.
Love is the answer...now we have to figure out all of the questions!
Who do I love?
Lots of people, and you are one of the dearest to my heart!!
Clare
PS - In our mutual admiration society, here, I always noticed how for beyond you went to figure out what your kids needed and to get it for them...
Thank you for your comments on my parenting. I read books about tribal peoples and attachment parenting, extended nursing, the family bed...I read Mothering magazine. It all helped me to follow my instincts. My pediatrician convinced me to let me two-year old cry it out in order to train her to sleep without me before her brother was born. It broke my heart. I sat on the floor outside of her room and cried, too. She didn't know that though. She only knew she was alone. I gave in and decided to do it my way, the humane way, but not until the next night, I think. I still don't understand why I was being obedient to someone who wasn't even part of our family, who did not passionately love my baby. I regret that night so much, but maybe that was when I gained the strength to say no to authority.
We need to stop and think about what tears mean. I know of a little one who was taken to day care for the first time as a toddler. The first day he was curious, and patiently waiting for his parent. When he went back the second day, he broke down and sobbed. They couldn't understand why he was so good one day, but not the next. I knew immediately. The first day was a novelty. The second day he understood that they his parents had given him to the institution, that life would never be the same again. But when young parents are forced by this inhumane system to work, we can't talk about it. The already feel guilty. And there is so little choice.
I wonder, too, about this inner drive we have to survive. I have seen animals as well as humans in terrible pain, or crippled, or being abused, and yet we survive. Why do we want to be here so very much? It is beautiful here, if we are left alone by the pathologically greedy and competitive to enjoy - but we're not left alone. We suffer. Yet we don't want to leave. Or we want to leave, but are too cowardly to do ourselves in...I don't know...Or maybe there's and endless source of hopefulness in our souls - maybe somebody will see me, maybe somebody will love me. Maybe that is why we stay...
I wanted to share an Emmy note. Our new Emily has become our Emmy-Emmy. She has become sleek and comfortable. This weekend when we had so much company arriving, she started barking at someone. I asked her to stop, I told her to stop, then I bent over, quickly, to let her know I was serious. She immediately dropped to her knees and cringed, eyes closed. It shocked me. She was waiting to be hit. My mind worked quickly, and I knew I had to stay bent over her, very close and scold her, so that she would learn that I will not hit her. But it broke my heart to see her cringe.
Yet she wants to live. She wants to be loved and accepted.
Love is the answer...now we have to figure out all of the questions!
Who do I love?
Lots of people, and you are one of the dearest to my heart!!
Clare
PS - In our mutual admiration society, here, I always noticed how for beyond you went to figure out what your kids needed and to get it for them...
"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."
You make an excellent point…we (as a society) don't respect the young…we (society) treat them as property until they are old enough to make their presence felt….and even then we (society) tries to silence them.
There are exceptions though…pockets where people love and cherish their young…I believe that you understood the magnificence of your children…I learned by watching others….your responsiveness, other siblings weren't as responsive to the true needs…but had lots of stuff around. I remember being told many times over to 'let them cry it out'…and laughed at the person…sometimes overtly laughing at them…They don't cry to manipulate you, they are telling you something…pay attention…instill the sense of security and attachment, even if the umbilical cord is no longer connected…so many of our problems stem from crappy parenting…and yet wounded people are having babies every day.
I had an interview yesterday…at a local counseling center. I need to gather some preliminary paperwork and then I can start. It felt like home to be there. The lead counselor was a gentle man, who asked questions that felt like he wanted to understand me, rather than test me…I felt respected and free to share my ideas…my experiences…and my lack of direct counseling experience. I am looking forward to it. It is only 5 minutes from home, which is closer than I have ever worked before. Also I am starting at 20 hours per week which allows me to continue to teach and write for NASW. I am excited. It took 6 months, but I think I found my next step.
I began reading Viktor Frankl's The Meaning of Life last evening, what powerful book. He is a psychiatrist who survived the concentration camps of WWII. He repeated a quote by Nietzsche, "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."
How do we survive years of abuse and neglect…or torture…or imprisonment? Do children intuitively know that there is more to life…a purpose…that allows them to endure, and hope for a better future?
I am off and running…2 appointments this morning and then a service man is coming to fix my water pump.
I will check in tomorrow.
Love and Light,
Maggie
There are exceptions though…pockets where people love and cherish their young…I believe that you understood the magnificence of your children…I learned by watching others….your responsiveness, other siblings weren't as responsive to the true needs…but had lots of stuff around. I remember being told many times over to 'let them cry it out'…and laughed at the person…sometimes overtly laughing at them…They don't cry to manipulate you, they are telling you something…pay attention…instill the sense of security and attachment, even if the umbilical cord is no longer connected…so many of our problems stem from crappy parenting…and yet wounded people are having babies every day.
I had an interview yesterday…at a local counseling center. I need to gather some preliminary paperwork and then I can start. It felt like home to be there. The lead counselor was a gentle man, who asked questions that felt like he wanted to understand me, rather than test me…I felt respected and free to share my ideas…my experiences…and my lack of direct counseling experience. I am looking forward to it. It is only 5 minutes from home, which is closer than I have ever worked before. Also I am starting at 20 hours per week which allows me to continue to teach and write for NASW. I am excited. It took 6 months, but I think I found my next step.
I began reading Viktor Frankl's The Meaning of Life last evening, what powerful book. He is a psychiatrist who survived the concentration camps of WWII. He repeated a quote by Nietzsche, "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."
How do we survive years of abuse and neglect…or torture…or imprisonment? Do children intuitively know that there is more to life…a purpose…that allows them to endure, and hope for a better future?
I am off and running…2 appointments this morning and then a service man is coming to fix my water pump.
I will check in tomorrow.
Love and Light,
Maggie
Monday, December 2, 2013
It's only words...
Hi little sister,
I read an article today asking why we don't talk to adults the way we talk to kids. It built right on my observations about the way the baby gets treated. The article quoted some overheard remarks made to children by teachers and parents, then some other adults. It made a point that we expect the worst from kids, and we take out our frustrations on the little guys. Of course, that is the essence of bullying. Someone bigger and with more power making those perceived as weaker, or forced into a weaker role, to feel ashamed, weak, bad, undeserving. And of course, it comes from the messages chanting unceasingly in the bully's head.
I wondered why we don't talk to adults that way. And of course, we do. But, still we talk to people we perceive as weaker - those who serve us. Again - the bully.
I had one of those overwhelming moments, awareness of the violence even in our day-to-day interactions. People being rude to the waitress. Others acting like a grocery bagger is stupid. And I wondered if we could ever be okay.
There so much pain streaming through our species.
But then the baby made me laugh. And I know there is hope and Light.
I hope you had some spot of joy in your day.
I love you,
Clarfe
I read an article today asking why we don't talk to adults the way we talk to kids. It built right on my observations about the way the baby gets treated. The article quoted some overheard remarks made to children by teachers and parents, then some other adults. It made a point that we expect the worst from kids, and we take out our frustrations on the little guys. Of course, that is the essence of bullying. Someone bigger and with more power making those perceived as weaker, or forced into a weaker role, to feel ashamed, weak, bad, undeserving. And of course, it comes from the messages chanting unceasingly in the bully's head.
I wondered why we don't talk to adults that way. And of course, we do. But, still we talk to people we perceive as weaker - those who serve us. Again - the bully.
I had one of those overwhelming moments, awareness of the violence even in our day-to-day interactions. People being rude to the waitress. Others acting like a grocery bagger is stupid. And I wondered if we could ever be okay.
There so much pain streaming through our species.
But then the baby made me laugh. And I know there is hope and Light.
I hope you had some spot of joy in your day.
I love you,
Clarfe
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Post-holiday analysis...
Your holiday sounded nice. Nice sounds so wimpy and unimaginative...but it's also - nice. Mine had it's ups and downs, but mostly ups, which was also nice.
Thanksgiving was small. And so we had a chance to really talk. I think there were 6 of us. The next day, early, a friend of my daughter's came for the weekend along with her two-year-old, and then S#3 arrived in the late afternoon with her oldest, and her 3 grandchildren. Two more of my kids arrived, along with their dad. I wasn't expecting them for dinner and so the rush was on for me to produce something - basically rework some leftovers. It worked. The next morning my two local grandkids arrived, along with another friend of my daughter's. And did I mention that I was dog-sitting 3 dogs? It was controlled chaos, it was loud. It was lovely. My oldest stood in the middle of all the activity and declared, "This is what Thanksgiving should be like - all this family!!"
We're going to do it again next year. On Saturday, we made ornaments. On Sunday we decorated cookies.
I was thinking about isolation, and realized, my situation isn't quite changing, but it actually is as more and more people are coming to me. It's different...
After the friend with the toddler, then S#3 left and it got quieter with just me and 3 grandchildren. One of my closest friends stopped in. I realized she is less 'friend' and more 'family'. Life is changing...
One thing I noticed, and thought about in the middle of the night, and wanted to share with you here, is about the baby. My granddaughter is 7 months old now. She has met her grandfather about three times, for a short time each time. To her - he is a stranger. He insisted on holding her. She didn't know him and was in a lot of distress. He didn't seem to notice - well he noticed that she was screaming - but he didn't seem to notice that she was choosing - No! Don't touch me.
The baby uses gestures, postures, tension, then voice to convey her wishes. When we know a child, it is easy to see the language. But we ignore it. We just do what we wand and expect the baby to accept. I was thinking about this being the root of dysfunction - not "listening" to infants. Not respecting their personhood.
Long weekend. I'm tired...
Love to you, Clare
(Still chuckling about the wedgie...)
Thanksgiving was small. And so we had a chance to really talk. I think there were 6 of us. The next day, early, a friend of my daughter's came for the weekend along with her two-year-old, and then S#3 arrived in the late afternoon with her oldest, and her 3 grandchildren. Two more of my kids arrived, along with their dad. I wasn't expecting them for dinner and so the rush was on for me to produce something - basically rework some leftovers. It worked. The next morning my two local grandkids arrived, along with another friend of my daughter's. And did I mention that I was dog-sitting 3 dogs? It was controlled chaos, it was loud. It was lovely. My oldest stood in the middle of all the activity and declared, "This is what Thanksgiving should be like - all this family!!"
We're going to do it again next year. On Saturday, we made ornaments. On Sunday we decorated cookies.
I was thinking about isolation, and realized, my situation isn't quite changing, but it actually is as more and more people are coming to me. It's different...
After the friend with the toddler, then S#3 left and it got quieter with just me and 3 grandchildren. One of my closest friends stopped in. I realized she is less 'friend' and more 'family'. Life is changing...
One thing I noticed, and thought about in the middle of the night, and wanted to share with you here, is about the baby. My granddaughter is 7 months old now. She has met her grandfather about three times, for a short time each time. To her - he is a stranger. He insisted on holding her. She didn't know him and was in a lot of distress. He didn't seem to notice - well he noticed that she was screaming - but he didn't seem to notice that she was choosing - No! Don't touch me.
The baby uses gestures, postures, tension, then voice to convey her wishes. When we know a child, it is easy to see the language. But we ignore it. We just do what we wand and expect the baby to accept. I was thinking about this being the root of dysfunction - not "listening" to infants. Not respecting their personhood.
Long weekend. I'm tired...
Love to you, Clare
(Still chuckling about the wedgie...)
Back to work
Clare,
I hope that you have survived this hectic holiday week. I left the island at 12:30 yesterday and arrived home just after midnight. It was a long day…but I had 3 of my kids and they got along…for the most part. My younger daughter doesn't do well when confined with many people. She melted down a few times…but chocolate usually calms her down.
I had a good week. I found myself getting really caught up in the preparations and making things perfect…to my own detriment. I found that my head was spinning and running at top speed again…I hadn't felt that in a long…I took a good, long time to meditate and walk on Friday to clear and calm myself down. It certainly felt better.
We forgot to launch the paper lanterns…we were taking a Christmas card picture on the beach…and then Son#1 gave Daughter #2 a wedgie…and then it kind of fell apart…so, we will launch them on New Years Eve.
It was good to spend time with my brother-in-law and his wife and kids…our families mesh pretty well. One of their twins and my youngest took a golf cart out at night and got a ticket for running a stop sign…it gave us something to laugh about the rest of the weekend. They have a son who is brilliant…he loves playing scrabble…so we played scrabble…and other board games…it was just fun…no schedules…people doing what made them happy at that moment. We saw dolphins 2 days in front of our house…and a lot of pelicans. On Wednesday the ocean was really rough…big waves crashing continuously…and then Thursday it was calm and clear…that's when the dolphins and pelicans came out to play.
My dog had another seizure last night…she was so excited that we were home…I think that's what triggered it…she hadn't had one since that first time.
I have to get myself back into my daily routine now…2 more weeks of classes…then finals. I have an interview tomorrow at a counseling center…If they hire me, I hope to start there in December, during the semester break so that I can get acclimated before the spring term starts.
Back to work…
Love and Light,
Maggie
I hope that you have survived this hectic holiday week. I left the island at 12:30 yesterday and arrived home just after midnight. It was a long day…but I had 3 of my kids and they got along…for the most part. My younger daughter doesn't do well when confined with many people. She melted down a few times…but chocolate usually calms her down.
I had a good week. I found myself getting really caught up in the preparations and making things perfect…to my own detriment. I found that my head was spinning and running at top speed again…I hadn't felt that in a long…I took a good, long time to meditate and walk on Friday to clear and calm myself down. It certainly felt better.
We forgot to launch the paper lanterns…we were taking a Christmas card picture on the beach…and then Son#1 gave Daughter #2 a wedgie…and then it kind of fell apart…so, we will launch them on New Years Eve.
It was good to spend time with my brother-in-law and his wife and kids…our families mesh pretty well. One of their twins and my youngest took a golf cart out at night and got a ticket for running a stop sign…it gave us something to laugh about the rest of the weekend. They have a son who is brilliant…he loves playing scrabble…so we played scrabble…and other board games…it was just fun…no schedules…people doing what made them happy at that moment. We saw dolphins 2 days in front of our house…and a lot of pelicans. On Wednesday the ocean was really rough…big waves crashing continuously…and then Thursday it was calm and clear…that's when the dolphins and pelicans came out to play.
My dog had another seizure last night…she was so excited that we were home…I think that's what triggered it…she hadn't had one since that first time.
I have to get myself back into my daily routine now…2 more weeks of classes…then finals. I have an interview tomorrow at a counseling center…If they hire me, I hope to start there in December, during the semester break so that I can get acclimated before the spring term starts.
Back to work…
Love and Light,
Maggie
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