Wow. You went places I never have, thinking about dreams.
The houses looked sound, just uninhabited. Just like us, not quite being in our bodies. I think this is an ancestral gift - teaching us to survive by abandoning our bodies...I am not sure what the trees were, but they were strong and sound and healthy.
To see lush green
trees in your dream symbolize new hopes, growth, desires, knowledge, and life.
It also implies strength, protection and stability. You are concentrating on
your own self-development and individuation.
(http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/t4.htm)
Oh, maybe you are right. I am doing my own soul retrieval through dreams.
Making time...If I have to work enough time to support myself, there is simply not enough energy left to write a book. If way opens, I will write it. But now, I am tired. And I choose to plant my garden first.
And, I understand your frustration about being the only one to show up. I think it is because if someone sees you will show up, it relieves them of the responsibility of showing up. I think it a cultural change of ethics. And I think we are all tired...so tired.
I spent yesterday doing the first event of our meeting permaculture project. I was the only one from meeting who was there.
I am the spark. They have allowed me to follow my leading. But no one is there with me...I'm feeling rather tolerated...
We had three people there performing community service after being arrested for civil disobedience - blocking way to a site where a company will destroy our lake.
What cool people...
My oldest was there leading part of the permaculture project, and laughing about her Quaker-hippy childhood, but commenting that it couldn't get much better than that!
And...it is Father's Day. S#5 put several photos up of her with Papa. In one, her high school graduation, she is sitting on his lap with her arms around his neck, their heads together. Both are smiling.
I looked at that picture for a while. I don't know that man. I never knew that father. He complained about having to go to my graduations. I did not want to go to my college graduation, but Mama really wanted to attend the ceremony. Just she and Dad came up.
I really didn't want to go because I knew he would hate it.
And he walked out in the middle of the ceremony - too long, too boring. I took it personally- too much me.
I wished I hadn't gone...
I don't think I have any pictures of the two of us...
It's Father's Day, and I am still feeling an icy lump. I haven't really mourned his passing. I kind of don't know he is gone...I kind of don't miss him. I'm kind of noticing we are a more relaxed family now...
Did he relax and mellow with age, or with fewer kids in the house? Or was it me? Did he simply dislike me all of my life?
Yeah- Happy Father's Day...
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