Clare,
That's where you begin the book...
or perhaps that is the ending...
but by writing all of that you have begun.
The universe invites you into this process...
it will alter your life...
and affect the life of many who read it.
Just start writing.
Make me a channel of your peace...
A channel...
a conduit...
without obstacles...
clear path...
way opens.
Be a channel for what is birthing in you.
It feels important...
Let it flow.
no judgements or preconceived notions about the purpose, product, or consequences...
let words flow onto the page and it will be magnificent.
Have you ever read Conversations With God...
it is intriguing.
Be a channel.
I support you...
let me know how.
Love and Light beautiful sister.
Maggie
Friday, June 30, 2017
Monday, June 26, 2017
middle-of-the-night chaos...and breakthrough?
Hi Maggie,
I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. Then the barrage happened. I don't know if I can remember it all, but I am going to share what I can. I actually sat up, took notes...then I never went back to sleep. Today was a long day of work.
I was awake, thinking about love...what is the opposite of love? Until now I would have said apathy. But in the middle of the night, I thought, the opposite of love is pain. Love is creating a safe place, a sanctuary for the beloved. It is a place where we are safe and protected, a place with little pain...we are human after all - can't expect perfection.
When we experience pain, we have a choice. We can harden ourselves, protect ourselves, and be prepared to lash back. Or we can soften ourselves and feel the pain. Feeling the pain then softens us, makes us wiser, makes us loving, makes it harder to hurt us...
That doesn't mean stand still and be abused. I am not sure what it means, but I know we are not supposed to feed their rage with our obedience...Or maybe it does. I am not sure.
But I think this is the message of the Christ, of Gandhi, of Mandela, of the women who fought for the right to vote, of the activists. And suddenly, those who cause the greatest pain are our best teachers.They are the ones who free us to love. It seemed that maybe the escalation of pain is the tool that will put us into our heart and force us to evolve.
Those who cause us the most pain are those who are in the most pain. They have accepted the role of being abused so they could join the pain-givers, to help lead us into humane-ity. Or else they teach us about endurance and loving-kindness. I am thinking about some of the abused dogs who remain so kind and forgiving and loving. I'm thinking about abused people, animals, veggies, planets...
And I was thinking about Papa and the pain he caused. I was thinking about the fact that I don't really miss him. I decided to feel the pain. I went back to that "dream", the one with the beautiful sleeping Anne Geddes baby curled up on the big hand, the one that made me scream in my sleep. The one where, even awake, I could not make my mind stop screaming. I went there and instead of screaming, I stepped into it.And there was pain. Every part of my body hurt. My feet hurt. And I was aware of three of my chakras shattering. It hurt. It hurt so much. I just let it roll through me.
And in the middle of the night, alone in the dark, I was shaking, and there were tears running down my cheeks. And I thought, this is why I eat sugar. This is what I don't want to feel.
And I went to my rape, and I felt. I felt like someone laid boards on my chest. I felt like I was being pressed alive. I could not breathe. It was a different pain. But it hurt. Again...my body hurt, my emotional self hurt, my psyche hurt. And I just felt the pain. I let it roll over me and through me. And I was surviving. I was softening. I was forgiving and releasing.
Again I thought, this is why I eat sugar. I don't want to feel this. Sugar, flour numb this. But this, it rolled away. I survived. I learned it does not last.
A few days ago I found a fledgling that had fallen out of a nest. I could not find the nest. The feathers looked weak, and not completely there. I posted on a birdwatchers board and found it was, as suspected, a mourning dove.
And I remembered the mourning dove from five years ago. Do you remember? My grandson and I found it in the garden. A predator, probably the neighbor's huge white cat, had removed all of it's flight feathers on one wing. We moved it inside and kept it safe for about six weeks, maybe, and let it go once the feathers grewback. It flew away.
I thought of my marriage, and the ways we hurt each other, grabbing at feathers and removing them. We were both damaged.
And those five weeks in a cage, seemed like my years here without a car. Healing time. Finding my feathers. Regrowing myself.
And Grandma came close and kissed my forehead, my third eye. And I sobbed.
I am crying again, as I write...
Because we have to feel the pain. We have to trust it and treasure it. That is how we become powerful and gentle...a powerhouse of love, a safe place...a walking sanctuary.
There was so much more...I am caught in this much...
Again, though, write the book. And again from me - I am so tired. I need to know I am supported. I need to not get up at 5 am and sit at a desk until mid or late afternoon. I am tired....
A small voice said, maybe I could start. But I am roiling. I don't even know where to start.
And by goddess, I am tired...
But I am thinking. And I am feeling...and I am grateful!
Love and hugs from Clare
I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. Then the barrage happened. I don't know if I can remember it all, but I am going to share what I can. I actually sat up, took notes...then I never went back to sleep. Today was a long day of work.
I was awake, thinking about love...what is the opposite of love? Until now I would have said apathy. But in the middle of the night, I thought, the opposite of love is pain. Love is creating a safe place, a sanctuary for the beloved. It is a place where we are safe and protected, a place with little pain...we are human after all - can't expect perfection.
When we experience pain, we have a choice. We can harden ourselves, protect ourselves, and be prepared to lash back. Or we can soften ourselves and feel the pain. Feeling the pain then softens us, makes us wiser, makes us loving, makes it harder to hurt us...
That doesn't mean stand still and be abused. I am not sure what it means, but I know we are not supposed to feed their rage with our obedience...Or maybe it does. I am not sure.
But I think this is the message of the Christ, of Gandhi, of Mandela, of the women who fought for the right to vote, of the activists. And suddenly, those who cause the greatest pain are our best teachers.They are the ones who free us to love. It seemed that maybe the escalation of pain is the tool that will put us into our heart and force us to evolve.
Those who cause us the most pain are those who are in the most pain. They have accepted the role of being abused so they could join the pain-givers, to help lead us into humane-ity. Or else they teach us about endurance and loving-kindness. I am thinking about some of the abused dogs who remain so kind and forgiving and loving. I'm thinking about abused people, animals, veggies, planets...
And I was thinking about Papa and the pain he caused. I was thinking about the fact that I don't really miss him. I decided to feel the pain. I went back to that "dream", the one with the beautiful sleeping Anne Geddes baby curled up on the big hand, the one that made me scream in my sleep. The one where, even awake, I could not make my mind stop screaming. I went there and instead of screaming, I stepped into it.And there was pain. Every part of my body hurt. My feet hurt. And I was aware of three of my chakras shattering. It hurt. It hurt so much. I just let it roll through me.
And in the middle of the night, alone in the dark, I was shaking, and there were tears running down my cheeks. And I thought, this is why I eat sugar. This is what I don't want to feel.
And I went to my rape, and I felt. I felt like someone laid boards on my chest. I felt like I was being pressed alive. I could not breathe. It was a different pain. But it hurt. Again...my body hurt, my emotional self hurt, my psyche hurt. And I just felt the pain. I let it roll over me and through me. And I was surviving. I was softening. I was forgiving and releasing.
Again I thought, this is why I eat sugar. I don't want to feel this. Sugar, flour numb this. But this, it rolled away. I survived. I learned it does not last.
A few days ago I found a fledgling that had fallen out of a nest. I could not find the nest. The feathers looked weak, and not completely there. I posted on a birdwatchers board and found it was, as suspected, a mourning dove.
And I remembered the mourning dove from five years ago. Do you remember? My grandson and I found it in the garden. A predator, probably the neighbor's huge white cat, had removed all of it's flight feathers on one wing. We moved it inside and kept it safe for about six weeks, maybe, and let it go once the feathers grewback. It flew away.
I thought of my marriage, and the ways we hurt each other, grabbing at feathers and removing them. We were both damaged.
And those five weeks in a cage, seemed like my years here without a car. Healing time. Finding my feathers. Regrowing myself.
And Grandma came close and kissed my forehead, my third eye. And I sobbed.
I am crying again, as I write...
Because we have to feel the pain. We have to trust it and treasure it. That is how we become powerful and gentle...a powerhouse of love, a safe place...a walking sanctuary.
There was so much more...I am caught in this much...
Again, though, write the book. And again from me - I am so tired. I need to know I am supported. I need to not get up at 5 am and sit at a desk until mid or late afternoon. I am tired....
A small voice said, maybe I could start. But I am roiling. I don't even know where to start.
And by goddess, I am tired...
But I am thinking. And I am feeling...and I am grateful!
Love and hugs from Clare
Sunday, June 25, 2017
deeper truths -- somewhere
Hi Maggie,
I was going to suggest you contact La Leche League or CEA, the Childbirth Education Association. I'm so glad you found an experienced mom to work with your program. I am proud that I am the role model. If you need me - to talk or for inspiration, let me know. But I think you are exactly on track.
If I came for six months, I would have to bring my chickens. Wouldn't that be a trip??
I was wondering about the swamp, the pus, the layers, too. I am still being niggled about the idea of a deeper truth. I wonder if I have to explore in a different direction or at a deeper latitude to find it.
The swamp is the crap that happened to us, the crap that happened to our ancestors and was then inflicted on us so we could damage our beloved children. The boils are maybe the points that fester, that draw us, that beg for healing, maybe. If we release, what will we find...what will we be releasing?
There is a deeper truth. That resounds in the Light for me. It is saying yes. It is calling me. I just don't know exactly what I am looking for.
I am looking at the teachers in my life right now.
What lessons am I being asked to learn?
I am being asked to think for myself, to trust myself, to not respond to gaslighting. I am trying to make sure I take two giant steps away from drama and check to see what part I am playing. I am being called to understand it is better to be alone than in pain. I learned that lesson in my marriage. But there is always a test or two to make sure!
I am being called to love deeply and gently even when in pain...to feel the pain, to acknowledge the pain, to welcome the pain, to love the pain. Pain is emotion, it is feeling, it means I am alive, I am growing, I am softening. It means we survive.
Feeling vulnerable...
Sending love and hugs,
Clare
I was going to suggest you contact La Leche League or CEA, the Childbirth Education Association. I'm so glad you found an experienced mom to work with your program. I am proud that I am the role model. If you need me - to talk or for inspiration, let me know. But I think you are exactly on track.
If I came for six months, I would have to bring my chickens. Wouldn't that be a trip??
I was wondering about the swamp, the pus, the layers, too. I am still being niggled about the idea of a deeper truth. I wonder if I have to explore in a different direction or at a deeper latitude to find it.
The swamp is the crap that happened to us, the crap that happened to our ancestors and was then inflicted on us so we could damage our beloved children. The boils are maybe the points that fester, that draw us, that beg for healing, maybe. If we release, what will we find...what will we be releasing?
There is a deeper truth. That resounds in the Light for me. It is saying yes. It is calling me. I just don't know exactly what I am looking for.
I am looking at the teachers in my life right now.
What lessons am I being asked to learn?
I am being asked to think for myself, to trust myself, to not respond to gaslighting. I am trying to make sure I take two giant steps away from drama and check to see what part I am playing. I am being called to understand it is better to be alone than in pain. I learned that lesson in my marriage. But there is always a test or two to make sure!
I am being called to love deeply and gently even when in pain...to feel the pain, to acknowledge the pain, to welcome the pain, to love the pain. Pain is emotion, it is feeling, it means I am alive, I am growing, I am softening. It means we survive.
Feeling vulnerable...
Sending love and hugs,
Clare
Friday, June 23, 2017
synchronicity
Clare,
Just a quick note...
I found a doula/lactation consultant/La Leche Leader who wants to work with this pilot program!!!
I am so excited!
The Universe is good and synchronicity is working right now!
<3
Maggie
Just a quick note...
I found a doula/lactation consultant/La Leche Leader who wants to work with this pilot program!!!
I am so excited!
The Universe is good and synchronicity is working right now!
<3
Maggie
Thursday, June 22, 2017
excited by the possibility
Clare,
I am coming to the end of my busiest month at this job yet. I have worked my ass off...
and ranted and raved because my boss and board took vacations and failed to physically help.
I lost it.
I lost it because the executive board forgot to show up at a meeting that I spent time preparing for...
time that should have been spent on this big project...
I felt invisible...
unworthy of their attention...
insignificant.
I refuse to be invisible.
I don't demand attention or kudos...
but I will be damned if I bust ass and no one else does.
I definitely need a little time off. I am working alone tomorrow...
that's almost time off...
and Monday I am working from home...
again, almost time off.
And then I hope my grant proposal for the pilot is written and I can get back to life (professional) as I have come to know it.
I think...
I hope that this inclusive classroom for pregnant and parenting teens becomes a reality. The one piece that is missing is a 'Clare'.
I need an educated, seasoned mom, who knows how to breastfeed, practices attachment parenting, who will work on the classroom 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. You are the model for that position...I wonder if I can find someone like you. If not, you could move down for 5.5 months and be my classroom facilitator! I'll give you free room and board.
The best part of this process is that during each interview that I do about the classroom the people at first glaze over...
another breastfeeding initiative...
and then we start talking about attachment, mirroring, neurodevelopment, potentials...
and the others get excited too.
They talk about breaking the cycle.
They are beginning to 'get it'.
I really want to emphasize how detrimental it is to separate moms and babies from a young age.
That is the message that is coming through these interviews.
today I spoke with 5 moms...
or moms to be...
3 out of the 5 said they would sign up for this classroom for several reasons...
flexibility...
respect...
the ability to stay with their babies...
and have support of a school.
I am very excited.
My youngest is at the beach. I have several quiet days at home. Next week we are puppy-sitting for our oldest's dog. That should be a lively week. God bless the poor cats!
I wonder about walking back through the swamp...
or pus...
I thought the clean source was the goal...
clean water source and the fertility of the swamp.
"Just keep swimming".
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
I am coming to the end of my busiest month at this job yet. I have worked my ass off...
and ranted and raved because my boss and board took vacations and failed to physically help.
I lost it.
I lost it because the executive board forgot to show up at a meeting that I spent time preparing for...
time that should have been spent on this big project...
I felt invisible...
unworthy of their attention...
insignificant.
I refuse to be invisible.
I don't demand attention or kudos...
but I will be damned if I bust ass and no one else does.
I definitely need a little time off. I am working alone tomorrow...
that's almost time off...
and Monday I am working from home...
again, almost time off.
And then I hope my grant proposal for the pilot is written and I can get back to life (professional) as I have come to know it.
I think...
I hope that this inclusive classroom for pregnant and parenting teens becomes a reality. The one piece that is missing is a 'Clare'.
I need an educated, seasoned mom, who knows how to breastfeed, practices attachment parenting, who will work on the classroom 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. You are the model for that position...I wonder if I can find someone like you. If not, you could move down for 5.5 months and be my classroom facilitator! I'll give you free room and board.
The best part of this process is that during each interview that I do about the classroom the people at first glaze over...
another breastfeeding initiative...
and then we start talking about attachment, mirroring, neurodevelopment, potentials...
and the others get excited too.
They talk about breaking the cycle.
They are beginning to 'get it'.
I really want to emphasize how detrimental it is to separate moms and babies from a young age.
That is the message that is coming through these interviews.
today I spoke with 5 moms...
or moms to be...
3 out of the 5 said they would sign up for this classroom for several reasons...
flexibility...
respect...
the ability to stay with their babies...
and have support of a school.
I am very excited.
My youngest is at the beach. I have several quiet days at home. Next week we are puppy-sitting for our oldest's dog. That should be a lively week. God bless the poor cats!
I wonder about walking back through the swamp...
or pus...
I thought the clean source was the goal...
clean water source and the fertility of the swamp.
"Just keep swimming".
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
who waits to see
By my calculations, it's time to peel
Hi Maggie,
I love Rob Brezsny. He writes crazy funny astute horoscopes...this is the message for my rising sign. I have been thinking about this for days.
The obvious secrets...abuse, shame, fat...not good enough...So what are the richer secrets beneath?
Suddenly wondered if we not only have to wade back through the swamp, to collect our secrets, but then jump through them...kind of like psychologically lancing the boil and then wading through the pus to see what we have there...
What is my authentic? I am so good at camouflaging that, I am not sure where to look, what to look for.
But if I am germinating, all I have to do is add Light and let it grow. I supposed there will be tendrils breaking through and then whatever it is will grow into sight.
I cross stitched a sampler once. I thought of it tonight as I finished my vegetable garden. It said: Who plants a seed beneath the sod, then waits to see believes in god.
If I believe there is something germinating, I will wait to see.
I believe, I guess...
It is all about faith, being in the heart, trusting the flow.
Hope all is well with you.
Love and hugs from clare
away the obvious secrets so you can penetrate to the richer secrets
buried beneath. It's time to dare a world-changing risk that is currently
obscured by easy risks. It's time to find your real life hidden inside the
pretend one, to expedite the evolution of the authentic self that's
germinating in the darkness. -Rob BrezsnyHi Maggie,
I love Rob Brezsny. He writes crazy funny astute horoscopes...this is the message for my rising sign. I have been thinking about this for days.
The obvious secrets...abuse, shame, fat...not good enough...So what are the richer secrets beneath?
Suddenly wondered if we not only have to wade back through the swamp, to collect our secrets, but then jump through them...kind of like psychologically lancing the boil and then wading through the pus to see what we have there...
What is my authentic? I am so good at camouflaging that, I am not sure where to look, what to look for.
But if I am germinating, all I have to do is add Light and let it grow. I supposed there will be tendrils breaking through and then whatever it is will grow into sight.
I cross stitched a sampler once. I thought of it tonight as I finished my vegetable garden. It said: Who plants a seed beneath the sod, then waits to see believes in god.
If I believe there is something germinating, I will wait to see.
I believe, I guess...
It is all about faith, being in the heart, trusting the flow.
Hope all is well with you.
Love and hugs from clare
Monday, June 19, 2017
listening to myself
Hi Maggie,
I was looking at my body today, and I flashed back to school. I worked in a beer garden one summer. The year before the waitresses had worn denim skirts and T-shirts with sandals. My year we had to wear soccer shorts, soccer socks and sneakers. The shorts were way short.
Every time I had a shift in the garden, I complained about my legs. I touched them and announced that my legs were really fat.
Today, asI was looking at my legs, I realized my body listened and obeyed.
So it was not only Dad's "fat, dumb and ugly", it was mine...my voice, my words...
Now I'm trying to figure out how to fall back in love with my body...wait...I am rying to figure out how to fall in love with my body. There is no "back in love" if I was never there in the first place...
Love and hugs from Clare
I was looking at my body today, and I flashed back to school. I worked in a beer garden one summer. The year before the waitresses had worn denim skirts and T-shirts with sandals. My year we had to wear soccer shorts, soccer socks and sneakers. The shorts were way short.
Every time I had a shift in the garden, I complained about my legs. I touched them and announced that my legs were really fat.
Today, asI was looking at my legs, I realized my body listened and obeyed.
So it was not only Dad's "fat, dumb and ugly", it was mine...my voice, my words...
Now I'm trying to figure out how to fall back in love with my body...wait...I am rying to figure out how to fall in love with my body. There is no "back in love" if I was never there in the first place...
Love and hugs from Clare
Sunday, June 18, 2017
father's day
Hi Maggie...
Wow. You went places I never have, thinking about dreams.
The houses looked sound, just uninhabited. Just like us, not quite being in our bodies. I think this is an ancestral gift - teaching us to survive by abandoning our bodies...I am not sure what the trees were, but they were strong and sound and healthy.
Wow. You went places I never have, thinking about dreams.
The houses looked sound, just uninhabited. Just like us, not quite being in our bodies. I think this is an ancestral gift - teaching us to survive by abandoning our bodies...I am not sure what the trees were, but they were strong and sound and healthy.
To see lush green
trees in your dream symbolize new hopes, growth, desires, knowledge, and life.
It also implies strength, protection and stability. You are concentrating on
your own self-development and individuation.
(http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/t4.htm)
Oh, maybe you are right. I am doing my own soul retrieval through dreams.
Making time...If I have to work enough time to support myself, there is simply not enough energy left to write a book. If way opens, I will write it. But now, I am tired. And I choose to plant my garden first.
And, I understand your frustration about being the only one to show up. I think it is because if someone sees you will show up, it relieves them of the responsibility of showing up. I think it a cultural change of ethics. And I think we are all tired...so tired.
I spent yesterday doing the first event of our meeting permaculture project. I was the only one from meeting who was there.
I am the spark. They have allowed me to follow my leading. But no one is there with me...I'm feeling rather tolerated...
We had three people there performing community service after being arrested for civil disobedience - blocking way to a site where a company will destroy our lake.
What cool people...
My oldest was there leading part of the permaculture project, and laughing about her Quaker-hippy childhood, but commenting that it couldn't get much better than that!
And...it is Father's Day. S#5 put several photos up of her with Papa. In one, her high school graduation, she is sitting on his lap with her arms around his neck, their heads together. Both are smiling.
I looked at that picture for a while. I don't know that man. I never knew that father. He complained about having to go to my graduations. I did not want to go to my college graduation, but Mama really wanted to attend the ceremony. Just she and Dad came up.
I really didn't want to go because I knew he would hate it.
And he walked out in the middle of the ceremony - too long, too boring. I took it personally- too much me.
I wished I hadn't gone...
I don't think I have any pictures of the two of us...
It's Father's Day, and I am still feeling an icy lump. I haven't really mourned his passing. I kind of don't know he is gone...I kind of don't miss him. I'm kind of noticing we are a more relaxed family now...
Did he relax and mellow with age, or with fewer kids in the house? Or was it me? Did he simply dislike me all of my life?
Yeah- Happy Father's Day...
dreams re-examined
Clare,
I am intrigued by your dreams...
The little girl in the first dream is most likely a part of you that you have now re-connected with. She adds to the tar-baby from previous dreams. You are gathering your lost parts...
a re-integration of your life.
I have heard of several traditions from world groups that those who die re-visit all of their homes on the way to the after-life to gather the parts of themselves they had left behind. You, are doing it in the living form-through dreams. I think that your journey is one of integrity and soul-building...
enlightenment perhaps.
The dream about the Finns is fascinating because of all of the non-used houses....
perhaps those are the lives of our ancestors...
perhaps they left behind empty, good looking shells to fill their place until they passed...
perhaps our ancestral trauma goes so far back that we inherit the empty houses.
I am the queen of making it all look good on the outside, despite being miserable inside.
I think we all wear plastic faces to hide our true self...our emptiness.
The other interesting detail is the trees that stand on the one side of the field. Spirits live within the trees. Perhaps those trees symbolize our guardians...
perhaps the ancestors who have passed and are watching over the living. Until we can re-integrate back into our bodies.
Message received in dream - must write a specific book. I messaged back - if I have the time and money...I will write the book.
You should make time to write a book- if you get a clear message then say yes...please.
The third dream- about the journey/ride through the ancestors is amazing.
You know more about the family than anyone...
of course you would be able to make that journey within a dream.
Perhaps this is the beginning of the book.
Perhaps it is a reflection of the generations of violence that has led us to the present world.
A world of extremism...
of 'us versus them' mentality with the kick of automatic weapons...
and the possibility of instant shame- gone viral...
a world of immediate connectedness that fails to make true human connections...
a world where families don't even begin together...
a world where we don't listen to our elders- we put them away in a convenient space.
a world where religion makes excuses for excluding the other...
or killing the other...
the world of profit at all costs...
self-centered, greedy, sloth-y...
a dying species on a dying planet...
with a long history of trauma that is not acknowledged.
It is also a world that has nurtured and taught us well...
the earth itself is trying to support life to her very last breath.
A beautiful mother.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
I am intrigued by your dreams...
The little girl in the first dream is most likely a part of you that you have now re-connected with. She adds to the tar-baby from previous dreams. You are gathering your lost parts...
a re-integration of your life.
I have heard of several traditions from world groups that those who die re-visit all of their homes on the way to the after-life to gather the parts of themselves they had left behind. You, are doing it in the living form-through dreams. I think that your journey is one of integrity and soul-building...
enlightenment perhaps.
The dream about the Finns is fascinating because of all of the non-used houses....
perhaps those are the lives of our ancestors...
perhaps they left behind empty, good looking shells to fill their place until they passed...
perhaps our ancestral trauma goes so far back that we inherit the empty houses.
I am the queen of making it all look good on the outside, despite being miserable inside.
I think we all wear plastic faces to hide our true self...our emptiness.
The other interesting detail is the trees that stand on the one side of the field. Spirits live within the trees. Perhaps those trees symbolize our guardians...
perhaps the ancestors who have passed and are watching over the living. Until we can re-integrate back into our bodies.
Message received in dream - must write a specific book. I messaged back - if I have the time and money...I will write the book.
You should make time to write a book- if you get a clear message then say yes...please.
The third dream- about the journey/ride through the ancestors is amazing.
You know more about the family than anyone...
of course you would be able to make that journey within a dream.
Perhaps this is the beginning of the book.
Perhaps it is a reflection of the generations of violence that has led us to the present world.
A world of extremism...
of 'us versus them' mentality with the kick of automatic weapons...
and the possibility of instant shame- gone viral...
a world of immediate connectedness that fails to make true human connections...
a world where families don't even begin together...
a world where we don't listen to our elders- we put them away in a convenient space.
a world where religion makes excuses for excluding the other...
or killing the other...
the world of profit at all costs...
self-centered, greedy, sloth-y...
a dying species on a dying planet...
with a long history of trauma that is not acknowledged.
It is also a world that has nurtured and taught us well...
the earth itself is trying to support life to her very last breath.
A beautiful mother.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Friday, June 16, 2017
Still tired
Clare,
The dreams are intriguing...
the house signifies your soul...
excavating within and under that symbol is quite deep.
I will think about them and share insights as they emerge.
I finally have had enough frustration at work that I'm speaking up. I told my boss that I am no longer working weekends and evenings. I will carefully choose if I work during off hours, or not.
I have worked every weekend since May 1...
and I am tired of it.
I love the job I have...
and I love my projects, but I cannot personally support all of them simultaneously.
My committees are not pulling their weight. I am physically doing the work...
I feel likeI am one of the only people who take responsibility seriously...
and I am tired.
Yesterday we were supposed to have an executive board meeting...
but only one persons showed up.
I was so frustrated that I 'said my peace'...
that poor guy got an earful.
He was trying to make me (and my boss) feel better.
The best thing that he did was to listen.
So today we sat down with the president of the board and let him hear all about the frustrations...
he too was taking it personally...
I kept asking him to hear that the frustration was not directed onto him...
it is the whole board that is lacking in engagement and motivation...
much like my committees.
So that leads me to ask "why?"
The groups that I lead tend to get complacent...
Am I too competent?
Am I too controlling?
Do I delegate work fairly and equally?
What am I doing that sends the message that I am handling everything?
How do I say, "I need help here!" before I get overwhelmed.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
The dreams are intriguing...
the house signifies your soul...
excavating within and under that symbol is quite deep.
I will think about them and share insights as they emerge.
I finally have had enough frustration at work that I'm speaking up. I told my boss that I am no longer working weekends and evenings. I will carefully choose if I work during off hours, or not.
I have worked every weekend since May 1...
and I am tired of it.
I love the job I have...
and I love my projects, but I cannot personally support all of them simultaneously.
My committees are not pulling their weight. I am physically doing the work...
I feel likeI am one of the only people who take responsibility seriously...
and I am tired.
Yesterday we were supposed to have an executive board meeting...
but only one persons showed up.
I was so frustrated that I 'said my peace'...
that poor guy got an earful.
He was trying to make me (and my boss) feel better.
The best thing that he did was to listen.
So today we sat down with the president of the board and let him hear all about the frustrations...
he too was taking it personally...
I kept asking him to hear that the frustration was not directed onto him...
it is the whole board that is lacking in engagement and motivation...
much like my committees.
So that leads me to ask "why?"
The groups that I lead tend to get complacent...
Am I too competent?
Am I too controlling?
Do I delegate work fairly and equally?
What am I doing that sends the message that I am handling everything?
How do I say, "I need help here!" before I get overwhelmed.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Monday, June 12, 2017
crazy..and dreams, too
Hi Maggie,
I'm here! Really!
Last week was crazy. Every day I thought I would get here, but life kept lobbing balls at me. I kept punting.
S#3 was supposed to come up on Wednesday. She was planning to arrive just as a committee meeting was finishing. I thought she was late, until after the meeting when I checked email, and she said she would be here on Friday evening.
And I had the baby a lot. And...lots of stuff...some I will think about here...
When I said shame is soft, pride is hard, I think I was talking about the two extremes of resiliency, or more correctly - lack of resiliency. At the pride end, life is so stiff that anything can shatter it. At the shame end, life is so amoebic that anything can enter...there are no barriers.
I didn't mean the open-hearted welcoming, loving kind of soft...
As for your youngest, I offer you my prayer. It worked for me, and I really don't think I need it any more. If I need it for a grand, I will get it back..."Oh Lord, please get this one to 25 when adult onset thinking begins...please!"
I am physically exhausted, as you are. An for the same reason...the garden. I am probably a third of the way through. With all the rain, I just could not get out there. And when the weather was nice, I had other stuff...
And we didn't have a double birthday, we had a quadruple. And when my oldest son and his family get home, which I believe in my heart of hearts will happen, it will be a quintuple birthday. We have five birthdays in 13 days. We went down to the lake and had a picnic. It was nice. I enjoyed having everyone there...except for missing the other-end-of-the-country kids. And we are all such creative cooks, that it adds to the fun.
So this weekend, my meeting had a retreat. We are facing dwindling numbers, dwindling energy, aging, fear of loss...We scheduled this retreat before my youngest had the shock of changing jobs. I was supposed to go alone, but instead I had my granddaughter with me. That was distracting, and I felt like it symbolized my current connection with meeting. Because of the car thing, I am only half there. And I usually feel guilty.
The retreat was great. We started out talking about times we felt truly spiritual in our meeting. We talked about what we think we bring to meeting. So the leaders got us into a really positive place regarding our meeting. I know I looked around and thought, I KNOW these people.
Then they did something hard. They asked us to name each other's gifts. It was easy to speak to others, but hard to listen to Friends talk about me. We made one Friend cry. The rest of us were embarrassedly glowing.
The first person to speak said they have never seen anyone as loving, accepting and connected with youth as I am. Someone said I am the spark. I was shocked. I am the one who not only has ideas, but knows how to follow through. I don't see that in myself. Someone said I don't speak often, but when I do I nail the truth. Someone said my spirit is very gentle, but very present. I don't remember it all. I was overwhelmed. But the last person said that I am one of the kindest people they ever met.
And I thought about all the times I have been cruel, and was grateful that I am not that any more..or as much that any more...
So that has been life...and on top of that I have three dreams to share...any insight would be welcome.
In the first I was in the house where many of my dreams have been taking place. As usual, there are many people in the house. I noticed a little girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old. I asked whose she was and someone told me - Nobody's. I said if she needed adopted, I would take her. So I picked her up and carried her with me. At bedtime, I took her to bed with me. She was in the bed, pushed up against the wall, and I reached over and put my hand on her chest. I thought - you are always gong to feel my touch, you are never going to feel alone again. Then as I drifted to sleep, I wondered if she was me...
The next night, or maybe the night after that, I was in a big square field. The grass was overgrown, but soft and not hard to walk in. The north side of the field was a row of mature trees, maybe maple or oak. There were more big old shade trees in the field. There were also two or three big Victorian house...blue-gray with white trim. No one was living in them, but they were in good shape. There were a group of people, various ages, in Victorian clothes - all light colors, again blues and grays. Someone wanted to build something new, but not destroy what was already there. And the people were Finns. Like from Finland. Young people started excavating under the houses to see if they were sound. Suddenly they were excavating in my body, under my skin...
Message received in dream - must write a specific book. I messaged back - if I have the time and money...I will write the book.
I work up, turned on the light and jotted down notes about the dream. Then I turned off the light and laid back down...as I drifted to sleep, I was back on that land.
So the next dream...I was back on the land, but I noticed it was on top of a mesa. When I looked over the edge, there were lights way down below. I wasn't sure if it was a drop or a steep road. I was starting to panic, but then I thought - "this is a dream, don't worry." Then I was down below, attending a psychology lecture, being led by one of the Finns who had been up on the land, and who looked like an older Quaker I knew from my first meeting. I thought he was an ancestor, but Finn? And what are they excavating for under the houses? And there was a shack in the corner of the land...was that me? Under neath --- something about closing Gitmo...Asked our grandmothers and they were both there...I asked them to stimulate my memory...where are we in the line? I saw a storm in the far distance. Then I was thinking about our family line...I was in the person in Ireland who was displaced by Cromwell...and I became that person...as I came through our history, I became each person in turn. I was all of our ancestors...I felt it all. It was like riding a bullet...
All of the stories are just mine.
Crazy!!!
Love and hugs from Clare
I'm here! Really!
Last week was crazy. Every day I thought I would get here, but life kept lobbing balls at me. I kept punting.
S#3 was supposed to come up on Wednesday. She was planning to arrive just as a committee meeting was finishing. I thought she was late, until after the meeting when I checked email, and she said she would be here on Friday evening.
And I had the baby a lot. And...lots of stuff...some I will think about here...
When I said shame is soft, pride is hard, I think I was talking about the two extremes of resiliency, or more correctly - lack of resiliency. At the pride end, life is so stiff that anything can shatter it. At the shame end, life is so amoebic that anything can enter...there are no barriers.
I didn't mean the open-hearted welcoming, loving kind of soft...
As for your youngest, I offer you my prayer. It worked for me, and I really don't think I need it any more. If I need it for a grand, I will get it back..."Oh Lord, please get this one to 25 when adult onset thinking begins...please!"
I am physically exhausted, as you are. An for the same reason...the garden. I am probably a third of the way through. With all the rain, I just could not get out there. And when the weather was nice, I had other stuff...
And we didn't have a double birthday, we had a quadruple. And when my oldest son and his family get home, which I believe in my heart of hearts will happen, it will be a quintuple birthday. We have five birthdays in 13 days. We went down to the lake and had a picnic. It was nice. I enjoyed having everyone there...except for missing the other-end-of-the-country kids. And we are all such creative cooks, that it adds to the fun.
So this weekend, my meeting had a retreat. We are facing dwindling numbers, dwindling energy, aging, fear of loss...We scheduled this retreat before my youngest had the shock of changing jobs. I was supposed to go alone, but instead I had my granddaughter with me. That was distracting, and I felt like it symbolized my current connection with meeting. Because of the car thing, I am only half there. And I usually feel guilty.
The retreat was great. We started out talking about times we felt truly spiritual in our meeting. We talked about what we think we bring to meeting. So the leaders got us into a really positive place regarding our meeting. I know I looked around and thought, I KNOW these people.
Then they did something hard. They asked us to name each other's gifts. It was easy to speak to others, but hard to listen to Friends talk about me. We made one Friend cry. The rest of us were embarrassedly glowing.
The first person to speak said they have never seen anyone as loving, accepting and connected with youth as I am. Someone said I am the spark. I was shocked. I am the one who not only has ideas, but knows how to follow through. I don't see that in myself. Someone said I don't speak often, but when I do I nail the truth. Someone said my spirit is very gentle, but very present. I don't remember it all. I was overwhelmed. But the last person said that I am one of the kindest people they ever met.
And I thought about all the times I have been cruel, and was grateful that I am not that any more..or as much that any more...
So that has been life...and on top of that I have three dreams to share...any insight would be welcome.
In the first I was in the house where many of my dreams have been taking place. As usual, there are many people in the house. I noticed a little girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old. I asked whose she was and someone told me - Nobody's. I said if she needed adopted, I would take her. So I picked her up and carried her with me. At bedtime, I took her to bed with me. She was in the bed, pushed up against the wall, and I reached over and put my hand on her chest. I thought - you are always gong to feel my touch, you are never going to feel alone again. Then as I drifted to sleep, I wondered if she was me...
The next night, or maybe the night after that, I was in a big square field. The grass was overgrown, but soft and not hard to walk in. The north side of the field was a row of mature trees, maybe maple or oak. There were more big old shade trees in the field. There were also two or three big Victorian house...blue-gray with white trim. No one was living in them, but they were in good shape. There were a group of people, various ages, in Victorian clothes - all light colors, again blues and grays. Someone wanted to build something new, but not destroy what was already there. And the people were Finns. Like from Finland. Young people started excavating under the houses to see if they were sound. Suddenly they were excavating in my body, under my skin...
Message received in dream - must write a specific book. I messaged back - if I have the time and money...I will write the book.
I work up, turned on the light and jotted down notes about the dream. Then I turned off the light and laid back down...as I drifted to sleep, I was back on that land.
So the next dream...I was back on the land, but I noticed it was on top of a mesa. When I looked over the edge, there were lights way down below. I wasn't sure if it was a drop or a steep road. I was starting to panic, but then I thought - "this is a dream, don't worry." Then I was down below, attending a psychology lecture, being led by one of the Finns who had been up on the land, and who looked like an older Quaker I knew from my first meeting. I thought he was an ancestor, but Finn? And what are they excavating for under the houses? And there was a shack in the corner of the land...was that me? Under neath --- something about closing Gitmo...Asked our grandmothers and they were both there...I asked them to stimulate my memory...where are we in the line? I saw a storm in the far distance. Then I was thinking about our family line...I was in the person in Ireland who was displaced by Cromwell...and I became that person...as I came through our history, I became each person in turn. I was all of our ancestors...I felt it all. It was like riding a bullet...
All of the stories are just mine.
Crazy!!!
Love and hugs from Clare
Sunday, June 11, 2017
settling into a new norm
Clare,
I am physically tired...
the good tired that comes from physical exertion. A group, in a small coal town nearby, built a community garden today. Of course I helped to build it. I was there from 8 - 2:30 physically building the raised beds. Thanks to your youngest son's suggestion, we used concrete block. This made the actual construction quite easy. We laid out 280 blocks into 14 beds. I thought that was hard. Then we had 13 cubic yards of topsoil delivered. Each bed took about 5 wheel barrows full of soil...and a few buckets. That was tough. We only had one wheelbarrow...and by the end only my youngest son, another woman, and I were still working. The other woman looked at me when we were nearly done and said,"We ran out of energy about and hour ago. Didn't we?". It's funny that she and I, the Moms, knew we just had to push through and finish this thing. The others were talking about coming back tomorrow, but she and I knew the pile of topsoil had to be put into the beds- or it would still be on the parking area 3 weeks from now.
It was gratifying to see it finished.
In 2 weeks the Conservation Corps is coming to put up a fence.
Then Phase 1 of the Community Garden will be complete.
I still have to secure funding for the second phase and fencing.
That will begin in July.
I am tired from the puppy...
he is either fully on or fully off...
harassing everything that moves- desperately trying to play...
or sound asleep.
We have been up at 5 every day this week. But at least he sleeps through the night until then. He rally is a wonderful dog. I forget how time consuming it is to house train a dog. He loves to play outside, and we have been doing a lot of work in the yard and gardens. He doesn't have to think about relieving himself. But, when we come back inside he frequently pees almost immediately. I've got to figure this one out. It is a labor of love.
I've had to exchange my morning meditation and journaling for walking meditation with Henry. It helps to tire him out before I go to work. Luckily my youngest is home until 11 (he usually works 11 - 5) and so he isn't alone for very long.
My older dog is having trouble with the puppy. She cannot seem to relax. He sniffs her and follows her everywhere...
occasionally he tries to bite her tail or backside to play...
she snarls and snaps at him.
She hasn't connected yet...
but she is trying to teach him boundaries.
So we are settling into a new norm. I am going to full time next month. Greg has more time off with the merger of the hospitals. My youngest is finished with the dreaded school...and soon off to a new chapter in his life. Henry is with us and we are all adjusting to his needs. Everything has to adapt and evolve...it is the way of the world and life. Those who evolve live the best- survive and thrive in this world.
How was the double birthday?
I hope you all celebrated together and made some memories.
I see that S#3 and her daughter came up to visit. That is great.
I hope that you have a wonderful day.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
I am physically tired...
the good tired that comes from physical exertion. A group, in a small coal town nearby, built a community garden today. Of course I helped to build it. I was there from 8 - 2:30 physically building the raised beds. Thanks to your youngest son's suggestion, we used concrete block. This made the actual construction quite easy. We laid out 280 blocks into 14 beds. I thought that was hard. Then we had 13 cubic yards of topsoil delivered. Each bed took about 5 wheel barrows full of soil...and a few buckets. That was tough. We only had one wheelbarrow...and by the end only my youngest son, another woman, and I were still working. The other woman looked at me when we were nearly done and said,"We ran out of energy about and hour ago. Didn't we?". It's funny that she and I, the Moms, knew we just had to push through and finish this thing. The others were talking about coming back tomorrow, but she and I knew the pile of topsoil had to be put into the beds- or it would still be on the parking area 3 weeks from now.
It was gratifying to see it finished.
In 2 weeks the Conservation Corps is coming to put up a fence.
Then Phase 1 of the Community Garden will be complete.
I still have to secure funding for the second phase and fencing.
That will begin in July.
I am tired from the puppy...
he is either fully on or fully off...
harassing everything that moves- desperately trying to play...
or sound asleep.
We have been up at 5 every day this week. But at least he sleeps through the night until then. He rally is a wonderful dog. I forget how time consuming it is to house train a dog. He loves to play outside, and we have been doing a lot of work in the yard and gardens. He doesn't have to think about relieving himself. But, when we come back inside he frequently pees almost immediately. I've got to figure this one out. It is a labor of love.
I've had to exchange my morning meditation and journaling for walking meditation with Henry. It helps to tire him out before I go to work. Luckily my youngest is home until 11 (he usually works 11 - 5) and so he isn't alone for very long.
My older dog is having trouble with the puppy. She cannot seem to relax. He sniffs her and follows her everywhere...
occasionally he tries to bite her tail or backside to play...
she snarls and snaps at him.
She hasn't connected yet...
but she is trying to teach him boundaries.
So we are settling into a new norm. I am going to full time next month. Greg has more time off with the merger of the hospitals. My youngest is finished with the dreaded school...and soon off to a new chapter in his life. Henry is with us and we are all adjusting to his needs. Everything has to adapt and evolve...it is the way of the world and life. Those who evolve live the best- survive and thrive in this world.
How was the double birthday?
I hope you all celebrated together and made some memories.
I see that S#3 and her daughter came up to visit. That is great.
I hope that you have a wonderful day.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
opposite but equal
Clare,
Reading that shame is soft sounds wrong to me...
Pride is hard resonates better.
I think if I were to describe it I would say that shame tries to be invisible...
like isolated, shrinking, quiet, fear-filled.
I think pride is a similar defense mode, but one that is boisterous and bullying...
it tries to out-do others so that they are left speechless and therefore will not counter...
or question.
I think they are each equal, but opposite, expressions of the same phenomenon. Both want to avoid revealing too much.
It makes me think of eating disorders...
anorexics stop eating- trying to fade away...
total control.
Binge eating/obesity is trying to hide behind many excess pounds of fat.
The puppy is very sweet, but he is demanding some play time...
I've got to go or I'll be eating alive by him.
I'm back...I ran him outside for about 20 minutes...
so a little peaceful time now.
So the youngest graduated...
it is official. I was truly not sure how it was going to turn out. He was so anxious towards the end that he made some crappy decisions.
Saturday night he called me asking me to come get him. He wasn't sure where he was.He had taken a substance that made him hallucinate and then drove. It turned out he was about an hour east of us. He has some powerful guardian angels surrounding him. I was terrified. He was full of remorse. He is not able to explain why he took something and then drove. I'm not sure if he is unwilling or unable.
I am afraid that I will lose this kid...
he tests life and mortality too often.
I am afraid for him...
but cannot imprison him. He has to live life on his terms. All I can do is advise and pray.
Holding him in the Light...a full time job.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Reading that shame is soft sounds wrong to me...
Pride is hard resonates better.
I think if I were to describe it I would say that shame tries to be invisible...
like isolated, shrinking, quiet, fear-filled.
I think pride is a similar defense mode, but one that is boisterous and bullying...
it tries to out-do others so that they are left speechless and therefore will not counter...
or question.
I think they are each equal, but opposite, expressions of the same phenomenon. Both want to avoid revealing too much.
It makes me think of eating disorders...
anorexics stop eating- trying to fade away...
total control.
Binge eating/obesity is trying to hide behind many excess pounds of fat.
The puppy is very sweet, but he is demanding some play time...
I've got to go or I'll be eating alive by him.
I'm back...I ran him outside for about 20 minutes...
so a little peaceful time now.
So the youngest graduated...
it is official. I was truly not sure how it was going to turn out. He was so anxious towards the end that he made some crappy decisions.
Saturday night he called me asking me to come get him. He wasn't sure where he was.He had taken a substance that made him hallucinate and then drove. It turned out he was about an hour east of us. He has some powerful guardian angels surrounding him. I was terrified. He was full of remorse. He is not able to explain why he took something and then drove. I'm not sure if he is unwilling or unable.
I am afraid that I will lose this kid...
he tests life and mortality too often.
I am afraid for him...
but cannot imprison him. He has to live life on his terms. All I can do is advise and pray.
Holding him in the Light...a full time job.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Sunday, June 4, 2017
just thinking
Hi Maggie,
Happy Puppy Day!
I was musing about shame and power...and in balance, they are healthy. But in excess, they block us.
And what I was thinking was that shame is soft. It doesn't protect. It accepts it all, takes it all.
Pride is hard. It accepts nothing. It is completely protected at all times.
And so I am back to wondering why some of us, after being subjected to a tough childhood, some of us stay soft. We are sort of directionless. We don't know how to speak up for ourselves. We feel like we deserve whatever happens. We drift, and are the mercy of any commotions.
Others learn to control. We have to control every part of every situation, or we are extremely uncomfortable. Nothing moves us.
Why does this happen? Is it innate personality?
Just thinking.....
Love and hugs from Clare
Happy Puppy Day!
I was musing about shame and power...and in balance, they are healthy. But in excess, they block us.
And what I was thinking was that shame is soft. It doesn't protect. It accepts it all, takes it all.
Pride is hard. It accepts nothing. It is completely protected at all times.
And so I am back to wondering why some of us, after being subjected to a tough childhood, some of us stay soft. We are sort of directionless. We don't know how to speak up for ourselves. We feel like we deserve whatever happens. We drift, and are the mercy of any commotions.
Others learn to control. We have to control every part of every situation, or we are extremely uncomfortable. Nothing moves us.
Why does this happen? Is it innate personality?
Just thinking.....
Love and hugs from Clare
Thursday, June 1, 2017
haunted
Hi Maggie...
That was our second successful dog reunion of the week. When my youngest and I were driving to meeting, we saw a large animal in the road. I almost wondered if it was a deer, but it was stocky. We got up to the stop sign and saw a huge dog run in front of a car. The car stopped and the dog wanted to get in. Then we noticed he was trailing a leash.
My daughter looked at me and asked if we should get him. I said, "Of course." As soon as she began to open the door, he was flying toward our car. He leaped in and sat on me for a minute, then climbed in the back and licked the kid in the car seat.
It never dawned on me to wonder if he was safe until much later...
We took a ride, looking for someone looking for a dog. Luckily, my daughter knows a dog rescuer. She called for advice...and within hours the boy was home. He was an American bull dog. I had no idea they were so big!
Building some good dog karma I hope!!
That house was haunted, or something. I used to have to go to bed at night...either by walking up the front stairs, which I never did. Or by coming up the back stairs and walking through everyone's rooms. I used to stand in the room where the ceiling collapsed...I know you were in there for a while...in the doorway, facing the hall, and prepare myself to race to my room. There was something cold and terrifying in that corner at the top of the front stairs.
I used to read myself to sleep every night. Sometimes I would read all night. Partly reading was an escape, partly it was so I wouldn't have to turn off the lights.
In my dream, no one else seems to notice the door except me. And there are things like address books and newspaper clippings oozing out. I don't think the man ran away. I think I got distracted and lost track of him!
I showed SuperSize Me to a group of eighth graders when I was subbing. I was fascinated with the school in Wisconsin, I think, where behavior changed simply because foods changed.
So after we watched the movie, we discussed it. They picked up all kinds of details, and gave savvy answers to discussion questions. They talked about the importance of lunch, of eating well.
Then I had lunch duty, and I went down to monitor the cafeteria. They all bought shit and tossed a lot of it. They knew the answers, but did not relate what they learned to their lives. And that is the state of public education!! It is not experiential. And the kids are taught to mimic the right answer for rewards.
That impacted me so strongly!
Sunny day...let's see if I can get anything done outside!
Love and hugs from Clare
That was our second successful dog reunion of the week. When my youngest and I were driving to meeting, we saw a large animal in the road. I almost wondered if it was a deer, but it was stocky. We got up to the stop sign and saw a huge dog run in front of a car. The car stopped and the dog wanted to get in. Then we noticed he was trailing a leash.
My daughter looked at me and asked if we should get him. I said, "Of course." As soon as she began to open the door, he was flying toward our car. He leaped in and sat on me for a minute, then climbed in the back and licked the kid in the car seat.
It never dawned on me to wonder if he was safe until much later...
We took a ride, looking for someone looking for a dog. Luckily, my daughter knows a dog rescuer. She called for advice...and within hours the boy was home. He was an American bull dog. I had no idea they were so big!
Building some good dog karma I hope!!
That house was haunted, or something. I used to have to go to bed at night...either by walking up the front stairs, which I never did. Or by coming up the back stairs and walking through everyone's rooms. I used to stand in the room where the ceiling collapsed...I know you were in there for a while...in the doorway, facing the hall, and prepare myself to race to my room. There was something cold and terrifying in that corner at the top of the front stairs.
I used to read myself to sleep every night. Sometimes I would read all night. Partly reading was an escape, partly it was so I wouldn't have to turn off the lights.
In my dream, no one else seems to notice the door except me. And there are things like address books and newspaper clippings oozing out. I don't think the man ran away. I think I got distracted and lost track of him!
I showed SuperSize Me to a group of eighth graders when I was subbing. I was fascinated with the school in Wisconsin, I think, where behavior changed simply because foods changed.
So after we watched the movie, we discussed it. They picked up all kinds of details, and gave savvy answers to discussion questions. They talked about the importance of lunch, of eating well.
Then I had lunch duty, and I went down to monitor the cafeteria. They all bought shit and tossed a lot of it. They knew the answers, but did not relate what they learned to their lives. And that is the state of public education!! It is not experiential. And the kids are taught to mimic the right answer for rewards.
That impacted me so strongly!
Sunny day...let's see if I can get anything done outside!
Love and hugs from Clare
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