In general, I am always very troubled by religious language - God, Lord, Hallelujah. I think there is more power in words than we are aware of, and there is an immense amount of power in these words. I have an older Friend who calls it Cosmic Love. I can handle that!
So instead of walk in the fear of the Lord, this grandma/crone wants all children and grandchildren to go dance in the Cosmic Love! But Peace and Love - go for it!!!
What is the point of the Environmental Concerns meeting...or, what exactly are you opening?
I remember being a part of an ongoing study group, years ago. We were searching the Bible for directions about our stewardship of the Earth. We really couldn't find anything. That led to some interesting discussions. That may possibly be the only Bible study course I ever took.
I am trying to convene an RE Committee Meeting - yep, I'm back on! And it's like herding cats! Of the 28 years I have been a Quaker, I have been on RE for 23 years, within the two different meetings I have belonged to...I know I belong there, and...I can't complain too much. This is only my second consecutive year. We are struggling with finding ways to create community and be open to families and to children.
Assuming you won't read this until after midnight...Let me be the first to wish you a Happy Birthday! NyaaahhNyaaahhhNyaaaahhh - I'm first!!
I remember you when you were a baby. You were the only Delana born with dark hair. So we used to sing about your hair...Do you remember?
I've been thinking about Dante's rings of hell. I am thinking that when we get into a rut of bickering or of addictive behavior or of our preferred source of pain, and we don't see any way out - that's hell. And so many of us are in hell.
So we have to climb into Satan's bellybutton and start working our way up through Purgatory...Suddenly that sounds like walking back through the swamp! Cool!!!
I'm still in the clutches of the virus...I should try to sleep it off...
Happy Birthday my Sexy, Generous, Happy, Beautiful, Wise, Young Sister. My 2014 be the year you walked through the navel and may it all be up hill into the Light for this year and the rest of your life!!
Love forever...I'm glad you are my sister!
Clare
Monday, January 5, 2015
Back to life, back to reality
Clare,
I love the quotes…
the fear of the Lord sentiment is based on the assumptions of her time…
Holy Fear has been replaced by admiration and respect…
I used to argue with our parish nun about Holy Fear and how no one can be coerced into love…
It was my belief that the Creator is love and seeks only love…
so fear is not a part of the equation.
She was a woman who I feared at first, but came to respect and care for.
I am being tapped to do several things at Meeting that seem small…
but have the potential to snowball.
I have to maintain my boundaries and remember to say no at times.
I have been asked to deliver opening exercises next week…
on behalf of the Environmental Concerns committee.
I have no idea what I'm going to bring…
any inspiration?
It was unseasonably warm yesterday and through the night there was strong wind that has brought more seasonable temperatures…
and snow flurries.
I love to watch it snow.
Back to life, back to reality…
today is the first day back to school for my boys. It is good to get back into a routine. We all respond better to structured schedules in this house. My youngest is still virtual schooling unit 1/20 when he will enroll at the local parochial high school. They are allowing him to attend, fully aware of why he was suspended from the previous HS. He has to sign a contract of behavioral expectations and consequences for breaking the agreements. He is really motivated to get back into a real school setting I believe he will abide by this contract. He started a job at a friend's restaurant, washing dishes, this past weekend. He was exhausted but loved making his own money. I've insisted that my older son have a job by the end of January to repay a debt he owes us. I've tried suggesting, cajoling, even pushing him to work. Now I've given him a deadline. I hope this works.
My daughter#2 is at a theater festival for college students. She is performing and interviewing for internships and jobs for after graduation. She is a very highly motivated actress. My oldest is looking at internship/masters programs for nutrition. She is frustrated that none have the focus that she really wants, health and wellness. It's amazing that the world is obsessed with health and wellness and the dietetic internships are still focused on illness and clinical experience.
I have to work on a presentation I'm giving Wednesday on ethical considerations in genetics. I will check in tomorrow.
Love and Light,
Maggie
I love the quotes…
the fear of the Lord sentiment is based on the assumptions of her time…
Holy Fear has been replaced by admiration and respect…
I used to argue with our parish nun about Holy Fear and how no one can be coerced into love…
It was my belief that the Creator is love and seeks only love…
so fear is not a part of the equation.
She was a woman who I feared at first, but came to respect and care for.
I am being tapped to do several things at Meeting that seem small…
but have the potential to snowball.
I have to maintain my boundaries and remember to say no at times.
I have been asked to deliver opening exercises next week…
on behalf of the Environmental Concerns committee.
I have no idea what I'm going to bring…
any inspiration?
It was unseasonably warm yesterday and through the night there was strong wind that has brought more seasonable temperatures…
and snow flurries.
I love to watch it snow.
Back to life, back to reality…
today is the first day back to school for my boys. It is good to get back into a routine. We all respond better to structured schedules in this house. My youngest is still virtual schooling unit 1/20 when he will enroll at the local parochial high school. They are allowing him to attend, fully aware of why he was suspended from the previous HS. He has to sign a contract of behavioral expectations and consequences for breaking the agreements. He is really motivated to get back into a real school setting I believe he will abide by this contract. He started a job at a friend's restaurant, washing dishes, this past weekend. He was exhausted but loved making his own money. I've insisted that my older son have a job by the end of January to repay a debt he owes us. I've tried suggesting, cajoling, even pushing him to work. Now I've given him a deadline. I hope this works.
My daughter#2 is at a theater festival for college students. She is performing and interviewing for internships and jobs for after graduation. She is a very highly motivated actress. My oldest is looking at internship/masters programs for nutrition. She is frustrated that none have the focus that she really wants, health and wellness. It's amazing that the world is obsessed with health and wellness and the dietetic internships are still focused on illness and clinical experience.
I have to work on a presentation I'm giving Wednesday on ethical considerations in genetics. I will check in tomorrow.
Love and Light,
Maggie
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Quoth
Oh Maggie,
It got me. The bug that's been flitting around - it got me. My muscles ache, my throat burns. I am exhausted... Oh well...
Today is my friend's funeral. We have been debating who will go. The problem is that my granddaughter's sperm donor will possibly be there. And we have to be so careful, not to set him off. And so we avoid places he will be. So I will stay home with the baby. My daughter will go with her towering cousin!
Addiction causes so many problems - so many of them unexpected because the logic of someone overusing pharmaceutical pain killers comes from nowhere.
And so we have to be alert, maybe hypervigilant, all the time.
I found a beautiful quote. If I can make sense of it, it may become my resolution for 2015.
Love yourself for the blessing to this world that you are...
Love others as much as you, yourself, want to be loved...
And magnificent bridges will begin to appear in the most unexpected places
-Oren Lyon, Faith Keeper of the Turtle Clan of the Seneca Nation
This has everything to do with getting into the heart chakra and making that be the center of ourself. But as always, I struggle with the "love myself" - which is the first part, the first step. If I can't get that, none of the other matters.
I am wondering if, by loving others the way I want to be loved, if it will soften me and allow me to love myself...or is that the codependent inside of me using twisted logic to bypass the hard part???
And as a final thought, I found the last words of one of our ancestresses, as written on her gravestone...
It is my will and charge to all my Children that they walk in ye Fear of ye Lord, and in Love and Peace towards each other.
The fear of the Lord stuff I can overlook to get to the Love and Peace part. Grandma says we hafta,so wehafta.
I love you, my sister!
Clare
It got me. The bug that's been flitting around - it got me. My muscles ache, my throat burns. I am exhausted... Oh well...
Today is my friend's funeral. We have been debating who will go. The problem is that my granddaughter's sperm donor will possibly be there. And we have to be so careful, not to set him off. And so we avoid places he will be. So I will stay home with the baby. My daughter will go with her towering cousin!
Addiction causes so many problems - so many of them unexpected because the logic of someone overusing pharmaceutical pain killers comes from nowhere.
And so we have to be alert, maybe hypervigilant, all the time.
I found a beautiful quote. If I can make sense of it, it may become my resolution for 2015.
Love yourself for the blessing to this world that you are...
Love others as much as you, yourself, want to be loved...
And magnificent bridges will begin to appear in the most unexpected places
-Oren Lyon, Faith Keeper of the Turtle Clan of the Seneca Nation
This has everything to do with getting into the heart chakra and making that be the center of ourself. But as always, I struggle with the "love myself" - which is the first part, the first step. If I can't get that, none of the other matters.
I am wondering if, by loving others the way I want to be loved, if it will soften me and allow me to love myself...or is that the codependent inside of me using twisted logic to bypass the hard part???
And as a final thought, I found the last words of one of our ancestresses, as written on her gravestone...
It is my will and charge to all my Children that they walk in ye Fear of ye Lord, and in Love and Peace towards each other.
The fear of the Lord stuff I can overlook to get to the Love and Peace part. Grandma says we hafta,so wehafta.
I love you, my sister!
Clare
Friday, January 2, 2015
resolution?
Hi Maggie,
Apparently Anna and her husband set off for Nebraska to try homesteading, because several of their children already lived there, including Pop's grandfather. When Anna came home, this son and his family came back with her. Makes you wonder about the what-ifs! If her husband had not died, that branch would have stayed midwest, and we definitely would not be who we are!
I was more caught in the two recent stories of our matriarchs marry older men while still fairly young teenagers. I wonder how much different 14 was two hundred years ago. I also wonder about allowing a 14 year old girl to marry a man within three days of meeting him. I wonder if the family was that anxious to palm her off on someone else. I remember some of Dad's attitudes toward his daughters - same family.
I will continue thinking about this...
As for your son's friend and the potential reaction, it is so important to remember that violence is never the way to peace. If he need to do something, it needs to be nonviolent...
It could always be our child. Every accident, every war, every fight- it could be our child. That's why we have to stop it all.
Last summer I talked about being in the bus station in Portland, Oregon at 5 am discussing Dante's Inferno with a fellow traveler and a security guard. For Christmas, our nephew gave me Dan Brown's novel, Inferno, which relies heavily on the symbols and codes of Dante's work. I have been holed up as much as possible with this book. I love hiding out with a book and forgetting the world.
But I was thinking about the layers of hell, each reserved for a specific sinner. If one commits those sins, one exists in the excess of the sin forever. That is hell. The church used our fear of this hell to control us. If we are obedient and ignore our weakness, we can be freed from all desire and avoid hell.
Then I was thinking about my friend who just died, who will be buried on Sunday. He lived in a hell of his father's making. He lived in pain and shame leading to addiction and violence and disconnection. It was not him, his mistakes. It was from the pain inflicted by his father. So, does the church expect us to be passive and of no emotion while being abused in order to be worthy of heaven?
It almost takes me to that Mennonite tenet that we are here to suffer. By surviving this pain, we earn heaven.
But I reject this. Over and over I come back to the joy of this Earth, of our lives, of the beings that are here with us - our family - the trees,the lakes, the fish, the other mammals, as well as our sisters and our babies. The Haudenosaunee people said the duty of the human was to celebrate. I want to. But I am so lost and alone and afraid. I am so afraid. Have the church and their hell won????
It is not enough to say I am enough. Somehow we have to believe it. And so far I have not found the wick to light to fire myself up to I AM ENOUGH.
I think I am tiptoeing around a resolution I have no idea how to make or keep...More thinking for me...
Love and hugs and warm thoughts and as much support and Light as you need!
Clare
That is sick. Psychologically sick.
Apparently Anna and her husband set off for Nebraska to try homesteading, because several of their children already lived there, including Pop's grandfather. When Anna came home, this son and his family came back with her. Makes you wonder about the what-ifs! If her husband had not died, that branch would have stayed midwest, and we definitely would not be who we are!
I was more caught in the two recent stories of our matriarchs marry older men while still fairly young teenagers. I wonder how much different 14 was two hundred years ago. I also wonder about allowing a 14 year old girl to marry a man within three days of meeting him. I wonder if the family was that anxious to palm her off on someone else. I remember some of Dad's attitudes toward his daughters - same family.
I will continue thinking about this...
As for your son's friend and the potential reaction, it is so important to remember that violence is never the way to peace. If he need to do something, it needs to be nonviolent...
It could always be our child. Every accident, every war, every fight- it could be our child. That's why we have to stop it all.
Last summer I talked about being in the bus station in Portland, Oregon at 5 am discussing Dante's Inferno with a fellow traveler and a security guard. For Christmas, our nephew gave me Dan Brown's novel, Inferno, which relies heavily on the symbols and codes of Dante's work. I have been holed up as much as possible with this book. I love hiding out with a book and forgetting the world.
But I was thinking about the layers of hell, each reserved for a specific sinner. If one commits those sins, one exists in the excess of the sin forever. That is hell. The church used our fear of this hell to control us. If we are obedient and ignore our weakness, we can be freed from all desire and avoid hell.
Then I was thinking about my friend who just died, who will be buried on Sunday. He lived in a hell of his father's making. He lived in pain and shame leading to addiction and violence and disconnection. It was not him, his mistakes. It was from the pain inflicted by his father. So, does the church expect us to be passive and of no emotion while being abused in order to be worthy of heaven?
It almost takes me to that Mennonite tenet that we are here to suffer. By surviving this pain, we earn heaven.
But I reject this. Over and over I come back to the joy of this Earth, of our lives, of the beings that are here with us - our family - the trees,the lakes, the fish, the other mammals, as well as our sisters and our babies. The Haudenosaunee people said the duty of the human was to celebrate. I want to. But I am so lost and alone and afraid. I am so afraid. Have the church and their hell won????
It is not enough to say I am enough. Somehow we have to believe it. And so far I have not found the wick to light to fire myself up to I AM ENOUGH.
I think I am tiptoeing around a resolution I have no idea how to make or keep...More thinking for me...
Love and hugs and warm thoughts and as much support and Light as you need!
Clare
That is sick. Psychologically sick.
Violence annihilated through love
Clare,
Thanks for the Anna information. She feels closer now. I'm always glad to hear there are other singers in the family. It is curious that they would set off for Nebraska at such an advanced age. But I like the spirit of that. I wonder what inspired her and her husband.
My older son has a friend who was beaten on New Years Eve. He went to a party and was being harassed because he was a "dope head". 6 young men attacked him. He has a fractured orbit and facial lacerations. I'm not sure if there is further internal injury, but I saw the picture of his face.
I pray for him and for all of the men involved.
Why does violence have to erupt…everywhere?
Why do we have to take out our aggression…or fear…on those who are different?
I've asked my son to stay clear of the situation…to not take one side over the other…is that wrong?
Should he stand up for his friend?
I've asked him not to retaliate…the young man's brothers are reportedly "taking care of this".
This could have easily been my son. It frightens me.
I am reading Les Miserables. There is a quote that has stayed with me for days now.
The sacred law of Jesus Christ governs our civilization, but it does not, as yet, permeate it; it is said that slavery has disappeared from European civilization. This is a mistake. It still exists; but it weighs only upon the woman, and it is called prostitution. - Victor Hugo
The violence can be annihilated through love…
Love as lived by Jesus of Nazareth.
How do we create a kinder, gentler civilization?
I have tried to love my children in a respectful, kind manner.
I have tried to keep my children from viewing violence, especially senseless violence.
And yet they still see it, talk about it, glorify it.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
That's where my power lies…
Be the change…
It is simple but not easy.
I am sorry for the death of your friend. Despite not seeing him for years, he obviously still remains within your heart. Remember the stories and the way he touched yours and your children's lives. Then he will live on. Who is the third? we will have to wait and see.
I love you Clare. Thanks for being here.
Love and Light,
Maggie
Thanks for the Anna information. She feels closer now. I'm always glad to hear there are other singers in the family. It is curious that they would set off for Nebraska at such an advanced age. But I like the spirit of that. I wonder what inspired her and her husband.
My older son has a friend who was beaten on New Years Eve. He went to a party and was being harassed because he was a "dope head". 6 young men attacked him. He has a fractured orbit and facial lacerations. I'm not sure if there is further internal injury, but I saw the picture of his face.
I pray for him and for all of the men involved.
Why does violence have to erupt…everywhere?
Why do we have to take out our aggression…or fear…on those who are different?
I've asked my son to stay clear of the situation…to not take one side over the other…is that wrong?
Should he stand up for his friend?
I've asked him not to retaliate…the young man's brothers are reportedly "taking care of this".
This could have easily been my son. It frightens me.
I am reading Les Miserables. There is a quote that has stayed with me for days now.
The sacred law of Jesus Christ governs our civilization, but it does not, as yet, permeate it; it is said that slavery has disappeared from European civilization. This is a mistake. It still exists; but it weighs only upon the woman, and it is called prostitution. - Victor Hugo
The violence can be annihilated through love…
Love as lived by Jesus of Nazareth.
How do we create a kinder, gentler civilization?
I have tried to love my children in a respectful, kind manner.
I have tried to keep my children from viewing violence, especially senseless violence.
And yet they still see it, talk about it, glorify it.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
That's where my power lies…
Be the change…
It is simple but not easy.
I am sorry for the death of your friend. Despite not seeing him for years, he obviously still remains within your heart. Remember the stories and the way he touched yours and your children's lives. Then he will live on. Who is the third? we will have to wait and see.
I love you Clare. Thanks for being here.
Love and Light,
Maggie
Thursday, January 1, 2015
stories
Hi Maggie,
Meet Anna! I found more information. But first I studied her face. She has the same lack of bilateral symmetry that I have. One of my eyebrows has always been higher then the other. I remember the comment when I first got glasses. I remember Mom doing a lousy job of cutting my bangs because of it.
A macrobiotic friend explained that in that modality, it shows a disconnect between my male and female selves. I am out of balance, and relating more to Dad, or perhaps fearing to be like Mom. I've thought about that a lot, and have not come to peace with that yet.
So Anna was born of English colonists, in 1798, near Lake George, New York. At age 14 she was traveling with her family, and they met another group of travelers, our great-great-great-grandfather and his two brothers were going to Ohio to homestead. Our g-g-g-grandpa was 21. After three days they got married and moved into northwestern Pennsylvania, bought land with some coal on it. They had lots of kids, I think there were 13 bio-kids and one adopted.
Anna was noted to be a talented singer..
I noticed that Anna's birthday is the same as Mom's, and her husband's birthday is two days before Dad's.
Apparently, they set out to homestead in Nebraska after their kids were grown, and g-g-g-grandpa was 78 years old. Strange decision. I wonder why...but he contracted a lung infection while traveling and died there and so Anna, who must have been about 70 came back east and lived with her children.
They had two sons who served in the Civil War. One was killed in Gettysburg.
So who is Anna and why was she in my dream?
As far as the lack of facial symmetry - I attended a class on facial diagnosis once, and the teacher speculated that it could have happened at birth. She recommended I go to a cranial-sacral practitioner to see if my face can be brought back to balance.
A former friend died today. We were very close for years, but as often happens in divorce, when a couple separates, they sort of divide up the friends. I went with the former wife. I saw the former husband occasionally, and we became friendly again, but we never hung out as we had in the past. But for those years when we were close, he was marvelous with my kids. My ex did not spend much time with the kids, and so this man really took over - almost like a beloved uncle.
He is another of those who I wonder - what would his life have been like if he had been raised by healthy parents. His dad was harsh and violent and controlling. And so of course my friend had problems with addiction and with maintaining a marriage.
But, man, he was a star. He shown so bright. When he was on, he was loving and generous and wise and funny and absolutely intelligent. We adored this man. Then there was the dark side that suffered in constant pain of the crap laid on him by his dad.
I think I mentioned in the past few weeks that I just found out a friend from high school died. He didn't just die, but I just found out and so it feels that way. I was Facebook stalking his family - a huge, Catholic family - lots of siblings. I saw early deaths and fundamentalist religions...signs of a violent upbringing to me --- signs of addictions.
My heart breaks for all of us who are raised in violence. My heart breaks for the ones who did it to us, knowing they are endlessly replaying the violence inflicted on them. My heart bleeds for our children whom we helplessly abuse - never meaning to hurt them.
My thoughts go to the movie Groundhog Day, a story about a day that repeats itself over and over and over. We are trapped in a timewarp of violence.
The way out is always love...
And...the superstitious side of me wonders - who is next. So often, deaths come in threes. I am nervous...
I don't work tomorrow. I think I am going to spend a little time digging around in the family history.
Last thought - my friend who just died was a first-rate storyteller. Someone videotaped him telling as tory and posted. His ex-wife sent it to me. I watched him twice tonight, so I could cry. The gift oof tears, one last gift...
Love and hugs from Clare
Happy 2015
Clare,
The house is usually your soul…
so Anna is coming through your soul with a lesson I guess.
I don't think I've ever heard of her before. Tell me what you know besides the traveling piece.
I had a quiet day yesterday. I cleaned and took care of mundane things. I read for a while. Husband and I went out to dinner, daughter#2's plans fell through so she came along too. It was fun. We told her stories from our first New Years Eve and how we came to be. I had 2 glasses of wine…one too many for me. I just cannot drink any more than one glass without getting silly and then waking with a wicked headache. Oh well, it was fun.
I went to the barn today. I had time with my horses, grooming the geldings. I cannot handle the mares on my own because they sometimes pull away and I'm afraid of getting hurt. It is really nice to have quiet time with animals. I gave them some ginger snaps and they were so happy. My ThunderBay nuzzled me with the sweetest smelling breath. It was great.
Your pictures look as if you all had a great time last night. I hope that you can find time to relax today.
Blessing for 2015.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
The house is usually your soul…
so Anna is coming through your soul with a lesson I guess.
I don't think I've ever heard of her before. Tell me what you know besides the traveling piece.
I had a quiet day yesterday. I cleaned and took care of mundane things. I read for a while. Husband and I went out to dinner, daughter#2's plans fell through so she came along too. It was fun. We told her stories from our first New Years Eve and how we came to be. I had 2 glasses of wine…one too many for me. I just cannot drink any more than one glass without getting silly and then waking with a wicked headache. Oh well, it was fun.
I went to the barn today. I had time with my horses, grooming the geldings. I cannot handle the mares on my own because they sometimes pull away and I'm afraid of getting hurt. It is really nice to have quiet time with animals. I gave them some ginger snaps and they were so happy. My ThunderBay nuzzled me with the sweetest smelling breath. It was great.
Your pictures look as if you all had a great time last night. I hope that you can find time to relax today.
Blessing for 2015.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
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