Hi Maggie,
I'm glad you had such a nice time. I actually felt a little lonely seeing all the photos come up on the book of face...But I also realized I had never met Nephew until Dad's birthday party last October. I am basically a stranger who shares some genetics.
And I've said it before...it doesn't matter if time to heal fits into your schedule or not. If you are not taking care of yourself, Mother Nature intervenes and makes sure you get some downtime.
How was B#1 about the non-Christian ceremony?
We had a birthday dinner here today. I am not sure if everyone is exhausted because of gardens and finals, but I felt like I was on the outside.
This is common for me. But it troubles me. I pokes my issues - I'm not good enough. Nobody really likes me.
But after family left my closest friend, who is like family, stayed for a few more hours and we caught up. It is so healthy to spend time with someone who simply knows you and accepts you. I am grateful for this!
And I have been checking out my body regularly. Today, with the gravity challenged parts...especially after five pregnancies and almost 14 years of breastfeeding...I had the impression my body looked sad.
There is not much joy in me.
So I played a lot of music. I danced around a little while I cleaned my house. I have been walking more, but I think it has to be a lot more.
Somehow I need to integrate myself. Even if I am getting old, I need to do this!
Let me know what happens when you get your ankle checked...
Love and hugs from Clare
Sunday, April 30, 2017
POPPED
Clare,
We are back from the southern excursion...
It was a fun weekend...
but not without some pain.
I was able to have dinner with a friend who recently moved to NC from my Meeting. We walked around the Sarah Duke Gardens and caught up. I last saw her when we were visiting while SIL was ill. We had such a nice time walking and talking. We went out for dinner...
it was very light and fun.
Saturday morning we 'surprised' B#1 with a birthday brunch. He had been accidentally tipped off by his daughter...
she didn't know it was a surprise.
S#5 was in charge of food...
she ordered it from a grocery store chain...
and made the online order for a store that was not close to B#1's home.
We had to make a quick pick up...
but it all worked out.
We gifted him with products to help with aging...
memory serum, wrinkle resist vitamins, cod liver oil, fiber...
that kind of stuff.
We had fun.
Saturday during the day, husband and I hiked along the river nearby...
a state park.
It was beautiful...
much cooler along the river bank than at the hotel.
Saturday evening was the wedding. It was a beautiful service...
non-traditional vows...
they did a Celtic Hand Binding ceremony which was very interesting.
The reception was fun. Everyone was dancing...
even Fred, Jeff, and Momma.
We had fun...
until the song "You make me wanna SHOUT!"...
I was jumping like a 20 year old and something popped in my left ankle.
It POPPED!
I haven't been able to put weight on it since. It's really swollen under the medial malleolus (bump on the inner surface). Husband thinks it's probably a posterior tibial tendon tear...
possibly needing surgery to repair...
I will call tomorrow to be seen and then proceed from there.
I don't have time for an injury right now!
The dancing was so much fun...
It is a great way to involve old, middle, and young...
So today we drove back home...
9 hours in the car.
I sat in the backseat with my leg elevated and ice on the ankle...
correcting my students' final papers.
I hate sitting still...
this is just not in my comfort zone!
You being alone at home sounds like heaven to me. Setting up a space that is just yours is a sacred undertaking. I wish you well in the process.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
We are back from the southern excursion...
It was a fun weekend...
but not without some pain.
I was able to have dinner with a friend who recently moved to NC from my Meeting. We walked around the Sarah Duke Gardens and caught up. I last saw her when we were visiting while SIL was ill. We had such a nice time walking and talking. We went out for dinner...
it was very light and fun.
Saturday morning we 'surprised' B#1 with a birthday brunch. He had been accidentally tipped off by his daughter...
she didn't know it was a surprise.
S#5 was in charge of food...
she ordered it from a grocery store chain...
and made the online order for a store that was not close to B#1's home.
We had to make a quick pick up...
but it all worked out.
We gifted him with products to help with aging...
memory serum, wrinkle resist vitamins, cod liver oil, fiber...
that kind of stuff.
We had fun.
Saturday during the day, husband and I hiked along the river nearby...
a state park.
It was beautiful...
much cooler along the river bank than at the hotel.
Saturday evening was the wedding. It was a beautiful service...
non-traditional vows...
they did a Celtic Hand Binding ceremony which was very interesting.
The reception was fun. Everyone was dancing...
even Fred, Jeff, and Momma.
We had fun...
until the song "You make me wanna SHOUT!"...
I was jumping like a 20 year old and something popped in my left ankle.
It POPPED!
I haven't been able to put weight on it since. It's really swollen under the medial malleolus (bump on the inner surface). Husband thinks it's probably a posterior tibial tendon tear...
possibly needing surgery to repair...
I will call tomorrow to be seen and then proceed from there.
I don't have time for an injury right now!
The dancing was so much fun...
It is a great way to involve old, middle, and young...
So today we drove back home...
9 hours in the car.
I sat in the backseat with my leg elevated and ice on the ankle...
correcting my students' final papers.
I hate sitting still...
this is just not in my comfort zone!
You being alone at home sounds like heaven to me. Setting up a space that is just yours is a sacred undertaking. I wish you well in the process.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Saturday, April 29, 2017
home alone
Yay Maggie!!
Yes!!! I am so pleased.
This isn't going to slow you down a bit. Although it may be the moment when you think about balance...
Today is my youngest granddaughter's fourth birthday. Four years ago I had just broken my wrist, and two days post-break I was in the ER witnessing an emergency Cesarean delivery. As they delivered her and wipes her down, they put her in my arm. I was the first to have her. I bent low and put her in front of her mama's face, and my daughter stroked her for a moment. hen I got sent out. My older daughter was waiting just outside the doors, with a camera. She took a few photos and then took the babe...
It is amazing when I stop to consider the adventures I have had.
Today's adventure will be cleaning the house and mowing the lawn.
I have this urge to move furniture and make the upstairs more usable. When my daughter came home pregnant, I moved out of the big room upstairs into the little room downstairs. Then Nephew moved in. He took over the guest room for a few months. When Daughter left to move in with boyfriend, Nephew took the big room.
Now Nephew is here about once a week, and really less. He is always with Girlfriend.
I gave up the upstairs, and rarely even go up. Now I want it back.
I wonder if this ties to taking back my life. I have successfully launched Daughter, and now Nephew. Maybe the house is mine again. Jungians would have a field day with this symbolism...But it probably applies.
I may have my grandson here later this afternoon, and then overnight. But since his sister is sick - maybe not. But what I have is my first Saturday home alone for weeks, and the only until Memorial Day.
Sigh of relief...
Love and hugs from Clare
Yes!!! I am so pleased.
This isn't going to slow you down a bit. Although it may be the moment when you think about balance...
Today is my youngest granddaughter's fourth birthday. Four years ago I had just broken my wrist, and two days post-break I was in the ER witnessing an emergency Cesarean delivery. As they delivered her and wipes her down, they put her in my arm. I was the first to have her. I bent low and put her in front of her mama's face, and my daughter stroked her for a moment. hen I got sent out. My older daughter was waiting just outside the doors, with a camera. She took a few photos and then took the babe...
It is amazing when I stop to consider the adventures I have had.
Today's adventure will be cleaning the house and mowing the lawn.
I have this urge to move furniture and make the upstairs more usable. When my daughter came home pregnant, I moved out of the big room upstairs into the little room downstairs. Then Nephew moved in. He took over the guest room for a few months. When Daughter left to move in with boyfriend, Nephew took the big room.
Now Nephew is here about once a week, and really less. He is always with Girlfriend.
I gave up the upstairs, and rarely even go up. Now I want it back.
I wonder if this ties to taking back my life. I have successfully launched Daughter, and now Nephew. Maybe the house is mine again. Jungians would have a field day with this symbolism...But it probably applies.
I may have my grandson here later this afternoon, and then overnight. But since his sister is sick - maybe not. But what I have is my first Saturday home alone for weeks, and the only until Memorial Day.
Sigh of relief...
Love and hugs from Clare
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Clean
Clare,
my MRI is clean...
no tumor...
no scar tissue...
no leaking silicone.
I feel better.
Still pulling...
but now I can work through it...
not against it.
Thank you for the support and Love.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
my MRI is clean...
no tumor...
no scar tissue...
no leaking silicone.
I feel better.
Still pulling...
but now I can work through it...
not against it.
Thank you for the support and Love.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
4444444444444444444444
Hi Maggie,
It's time to breathe in sunshine and bless every day you are healthy and have faith. Which I know is a load of BS coming from me, because I am not waiting to hear, and I have not faced what you have faced. Just wishing you Light. I love you so much...
My late mother-in-law used to tell me not to pray for patience. It was, in effect, praying for tribulations. She was probably right...Although I am not sure. Sometimes I thinking praying for patience is praying for peace, and for faith. Patience is having the faith to believe it is all going to be all right. Maybe...
Do your Quaker memes bring anyone into the meeting? (Maybe attach QuakerFinder to it.)Just wondering...I am thinking we could each take one social media and keep up with it...just to let people know we are here and we are active. I think Friends have been pulling together, focused on meeting and meetinghouse - a necessity when there is an old meetinghouse that needs upkeep...it is kind of like the meetinghouse reflects the state of the meeting. We are not doing anything to shine outwardly, and so others don't see our Light.
I am beginning to believe that Sunday church is becoming passe. We need spiritual community, but I think the face of that community is about to change drastically. We can change or we can become extinct and something new will replace us. Either is okay.
I wish you lived closer. I would love to be your doulah! That sounds like such a fun job. I would be the crone-doulah!
Arguing with the lunch-ladies sounds incredibly classist. That might be something your youngest might want to consider...
So the spring has arrived. I actually have tulips and daffodils and hyacinths and grape hyacinths...and the lilacs are full of tight buds. I think this will be a year of bounty...I think it will be a year that nature rejoices! Of course, that abundance seems to mean a shitload of ticks...so we have to be vigilant. Also a gift, I suppose.
The alarm jerked me out of a dream this morning. As I woke I saw a screen covered in rowsof 4's. I played the lottery with a 44 in the mix. I am going to research the orange chakra , which vibrates to 4.
Any other ideas?
Love and hugs from Clare
It's time to breathe in sunshine and bless every day you are healthy and have faith. Which I know is a load of BS coming from me, because I am not waiting to hear, and I have not faced what you have faced. Just wishing you Light. I love you so much...
My late mother-in-law used to tell me not to pray for patience. It was, in effect, praying for tribulations. She was probably right...Although I am not sure. Sometimes I thinking praying for patience is praying for peace, and for faith. Patience is having the faith to believe it is all going to be all right. Maybe...
Do your Quaker memes bring anyone into the meeting? (Maybe attach QuakerFinder to it.)Just wondering...I am thinking we could each take one social media and keep up with it...just to let people know we are here and we are active. I think Friends have been pulling together, focused on meeting and meetinghouse - a necessity when there is an old meetinghouse that needs upkeep...it is kind of like the meetinghouse reflects the state of the meeting. We are not doing anything to shine outwardly, and so others don't see our Light.
I am beginning to believe that Sunday church is becoming passe. We need spiritual community, but I think the face of that community is about to change drastically. We can change or we can become extinct and something new will replace us. Either is okay.
I wish you lived closer. I would love to be your doulah! That sounds like such a fun job. I would be the crone-doulah!
Arguing with the lunch-ladies sounds incredibly classist. That might be something your youngest might want to consider...
So the spring has arrived. I actually have tulips and daffodils and hyacinths and grape hyacinths...and the lilacs are full of tight buds. I think this will be a year of bounty...I think it will be a year that nature rejoices! Of course, that abundance seems to mean a shitload of ticks...so we have to be vigilant. Also a gift, I suppose.
The alarm jerked me out of a dream this morning. As I woke I saw a screen covered in rowsof 4's. I played the lottery with a 44 in the mix. I am going to research the orange chakra , which vibrates to 4.
Any other ideas?
Love and hugs from Clare
waiting
Clare,
I still have not heard from my doctor...
I called today to ask for results...
they did not get back to me...
my imagination is trying to take off into a dark place...
I'm trying to breathe.
I had an argument with my youngest...
his disrespect is embarrassing...
he fought with the lunch ladies yesterday over taco fixings...
enough to get an in-school-suspension...
but it's all their fault.
I cannot take it right now.
Holding the Light...Love you beautiful sister,
Maggie
I still have not heard from my doctor...
I called today to ask for results...
they did not get back to me...
my imagination is trying to take off into a dark place...
I'm trying to breathe.
I had an argument with my youngest...
his disrespect is embarrassing...
he fought with the lunch ladies yesterday over taco fixings...
enough to get an in-school-suspension...
but it's all their fault.
I cannot take it right now.
Holding the Light...Love you beautiful sister,
Maggie
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
catching up
Clare,
It is a long, and strange ride. There are times that I am not sure what my purpose is...
Why am I here?
I have spoken the phrase, "This life is about patience for me."...
so many times...
so many instances...
I wonder what kind of irrational bitch I was in the past.
As far as my reiki healer has seen I have been the tortured and tormented...
but I also helped young men who were in trouble...
and I used physical discipline...
perhaps I was not very patient in that lifetime...
perhaps this is my mea culpa trip.
My Meeting is also aging. I was pleading for assistance on a planning committee two weeks ago...
no one was stepping forward...
one of the elderly members asked for younger members to step up...
I asked him to define 'younger'...
at 56 I am one of the youngest.
I do use social media for outreach...
I use Pinterest...
I have hundreds of Quaker quotes and memes gathered...
I have almost 200 followers...
That's not meant to be a 'yeah me!'...
but to agree that the message is being heard and carried.Try to find a social media outlet that connects with people of the ages that you attract...
Pinterest and Facebook are good for middle-aged and older.
I tried to call my doctor twice today...
neither call connected...
the universe didn't want me to talk with them today.
I will try again tomorrow.
If I have to predict...
there will be something in the right lateral aspect...
and I'll need another biopsy.
I'll let you know.
I spoke with my breastfeeding connection at the department of health today...
We are moving ahead with the planning of the inclusive- mother and baby- classroom...
cyber school- educational support and a postpartum doula or lactation consultant.
I have until June 30 to plan it...
then the pilot will run January- June 2018...
if the state passes the budget...
that's not a given in this state.
If you want to come down and live for 6 months you could be my doula...
teaching about attending and responding to the baby...
helping dads figure out how to handle the baby- soothing, etc- without putting a bottle into its mouth...
Singing and swaying...
creating stronger bonds...
attachment is key for resilience.
I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to plan this pilot...
and hopefully bring it to reality.
I am consulting with my University mentor to plan data collection so that I can possibly write this up for publication...
I'm getting way ahead of myself...
but prior planning is important.
I have only one more class this semester. It has gone by so fast.
I will miss this group of students.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
It is a long, and strange ride. There are times that I am not sure what my purpose is...
Why am I here?
I have spoken the phrase, "This life is about patience for me."...
so many times...
so many instances...
I wonder what kind of irrational bitch I was in the past.
As far as my reiki healer has seen I have been the tortured and tormented...
but I also helped young men who were in trouble...
and I used physical discipline...
perhaps I was not very patient in that lifetime...
perhaps this is my mea culpa trip.
My Meeting is also aging. I was pleading for assistance on a planning committee two weeks ago...
no one was stepping forward...
one of the elderly members asked for younger members to step up...
I asked him to define 'younger'...
at 56 I am one of the youngest.
I do use social media for outreach...
I use Pinterest...
I have hundreds of Quaker quotes and memes gathered...
I have almost 200 followers...
That's not meant to be a 'yeah me!'...
but to agree that the message is being heard and carried.Try to find a social media outlet that connects with people of the ages that you attract...
Pinterest and Facebook are good for middle-aged and older.
I tried to call my doctor twice today...
neither call connected...
the universe didn't want me to talk with them today.
I will try again tomorrow.
If I have to predict...
there will be something in the right lateral aspect...
and I'll need another biopsy.
I'll let you know.
I spoke with my breastfeeding connection at the department of health today...
We are moving ahead with the planning of the inclusive- mother and baby- classroom...
cyber school- educational support and a postpartum doula or lactation consultant.
I have until June 30 to plan it...
then the pilot will run January- June 2018...
if the state passes the budget...
that's not a given in this state.
If you want to come down and live for 6 months you could be my doula...
teaching about attending and responding to the baby...
helping dads figure out how to handle the baby- soothing, etc- without putting a bottle into its mouth...
Singing and swaying...
creating stronger bonds...
attachment is key for resilience.
I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to plan this pilot...
and hopefully bring it to reality.
I am consulting with my University mentor to plan data collection so that I can possibly write this up for publication...
I'm getting way ahead of myself...
but prior planning is important.
I have only one more class this semester. It has gone by so fast.
I will miss this group of students.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Saturday, April 22, 2017
rambling
Hey Sister,
I am impressed that your son could identify the source of his anxiety. That takes a lot of awareness.
And I am praying for your boobs!!
I've had two trains of thoughts...I will try to follow them here.
So, I spent all day at meetinghouse. We have contra dances and we pay the band and the caller in fresh baked bread. Then we sell the excess. I had my youngest granddaughter with me.
Our meeting is aging and dwindling. This is happening throughout the region. I am on regional ministry and counsel, and so I see it. I see it in the State of the Meeting reports and in the communication we have with individual meetings.
One of our most active members just learned that she and her sister have apartments at a Quaker retirement home near where Mama lives. The Friend who told me believes this is the end of our meeting.
We are down to about 6 members. The youngest is probably in her 50s. We are going to have a retreat in June to try to explore this issue together.
My granddaughter started to melt down, and took a nap on my lap, meaning I had meeting for worship all by myself. I sat for an hour in silence.
I started thinking about the earliest Friends. There was a huge change at that time - the Protestant Reformation. People began to think for themselves, rather than allowing the church to speak for them. Quakerism arose from George Fox's realization that we each had a connection with Spirit or God or the Light. We didn't need a priest to intervene.
The Light shines in everyone.
Right now, a Friend from my meeting has inspired a minute about industrial farms. I have a leading about using our nature preserve - the six acres that surrounds meetinghouse - to explore, learn, and share permaculture. There is a oneness in this...
I think we are in another huge change. I think we are opening to understand that not only does the Light shine in everyone, the Light truly shines in all creation.
I think if we follow this, Friends will be drawn...
But I also think the way we join with our spiritual community is changing. I have no idea what we are changing into, but we are changing...
Earlier this month, at our regional retreat, someone pointed out that each age group uses a different social media. And so I think we need to use them, to let people see what meeting is doing...
Maybe the time for organized religion is passing, one meetinghouse will morph into something other.
All I know is change means giving up as much as gaining...and it is uncomfortable!
The other train of thought, let's see if I can follow this...I have been thinking about my health, about my weight. I decided to look at myself naked. I don't do this. I glance to make sure I'm presentable. I look at my face. But part of being separated from self means I don't "see" me.
I don't look like I thought I did. I was surprised. I have continued the practiced, and am trying to love my body, to see - if not beauty, at least something acceptable.
I started trying to remember what my body felt like before...when did I gain weight?...what was going on? I gained weight with my first pregnancy, and just continued.
I was thinking about being married. Would we have chosen each other if I had not gotten pregnant? I remembered how lost and unseen, unloved I felt. But then suddenly, for the first time, I had a sense of how hard it must have been for my ex. He was already escaping into alcohol when we met and when we got together...but it all had to be as confusing for him as it was for me.
And it took me this many years to develop that bit of empathy.
I feel selfish and self-centered admitting that!
A lot of our problems was simply each of us trying to control the situation...which neither of us ever did.
But now, I am feeling myself, and trying to love myself back into health.
What a long, strange ride it has been!!
So far..
Love and hugs from Clare
I am impressed that your son could identify the source of his anxiety. That takes a lot of awareness.
And I am praying for your boobs!!
I've had two trains of thoughts...I will try to follow them here.
So, I spent all day at meetinghouse. We have contra dances and we pay the band and the caller in fresh baked bread. Then we sell the excess. I had my youngest granddaughter with me.
Our meeting is aging and dwindling. This is happening throughout the region. I am on regional ministry and counsel, and so I see it. I see it in the State of the Meeting reports and in the communication we have with individual meetings.
One of our most active members just learned that she and her sister have apartments at a Quaker retirement home near where Mama lives. The Friend who told me believes this is the end of our meeting.
We are down to about 6 members. The youngest is probably in her 50s. We are going to have a retreat in June to try to explore this issue together.
My granddaughter started to melt down, and took a nap on my lap, meaning I had meeting for worship all by myself. I sat for an hour in silence.
I started thinking about the earliest Friends. There was a huge change at that time - the Protestant Reformation. People began to think for themselves, rather than allowing the church to speak for them. Quakerism arose from George Fox's realization that we each had a connection with Spirit or God or the Light. We didn't need a priest to intervene.
The Light shines in everyone.
Right now, a Friend from my meeting has inspired a minute about industrial farms. I have a leading about using our nature preserve - the six acres that surrounds meetinghouse - to explore, learn, and share permaculture. There is a oneness in this...
I think we are in another huge change. I think we are opening to understand that not only does the Light shine in everyone, the Light truly shines in all creation.
I think if we follow this, Friends will be drawn...
But I also think the way we join with our spiritual community is changing. I have no idea what we are changing into, but we are changing...
Earlier this month, at our regional retreat, someone pointed out that each age group uses a different social media. And so I think we need to use them, to let people see what meeting is doing...
Maybe the time for organized religion is passing, one meetinghouse will morph into something other.
All I know is change means giving up as much as gaining...and it is uncomfortable!
The other train of thought, let's see if I can follow this...I have been thinking about my health, about my weight. I decided to look at myself naked. I don't do this. I glance to make sure I'm presentable. I look at my face. But part of being separated from self means I don't "see" me.
I don't look like I thought I did. I was surprised. I have continued the practiced, and am trying to love my body, to see - if not beauty, at least something acceptable.
I started trying to remember what my body felt like before...when did I gain weight?...what was going on? I gained weight with my first pregnancy, and just continued.
I was thinking about being married. Would we have chosen each other if I had not gotten pregnant? I remembered how lost and unseen, unloved I felt. But then suddenly, for the first time, I had a sense of how hard it must have been for my ex. He was already escaping into alcohol when we met and when we got together...but it all had to be as confusing for him as it was for me.
And it took me this many years to develop that bit of empathy.
I feel selfish and self-centered admitting that!
A lot of our problems was simply each of us trying to control the situation...which neither of us ever did.
But now, I am feeling myself, and trying to love myself back into health.
What a long, strange ride it has been!!
So far..
Love and hugs from Clare
intriguing
Clare,
I wish it were as simple as stepping out of the shadows into Light.
I guess it is simple...
a simple paradigm shift from evil to good...
Who defines evil?
Who defines good?
Simple...but never easy.
We are in an age of 'Star Wars' type personalities...
egos battling...
good versus evil....
Light versus darkness.
It's hard to watch playing out in real life.
I watched a Caroline Myss TED talk today about choices....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KysuBl2m_w
It was intriguing.
I shared it with my young man...
I hope he watches it through.
I have given him numerous books to read...
amazing books...
and he never "gets around to them".
He called this week...
frustrated with his present foster family...
they don't like him...
they treat him worse than the others...
they won't just let him sit in his room, alone for hours...
they are questioning his isolation...
he wants to belong and be loved...
from a distance.
He is uncomfortable with close, consistent relationship.
He seems to need to have something to focus negative emotions on.
I asked him to work on reflecting upon his own thoughts and feelings and then communicating that to his foster parents.
I feel so badly for him. He has so much potential, but he will never realize it until he stops running and hiding.
My youngest had a full out melt down yesterday as he was leaving for school. It took me an hour to calm him down and figure out what was going on. He is worried about the future...anxiety at its best. He is worried about 10 years from now...
will he be rich, successful, happy?
he explained that he has only ever had glimpses of happiness.
I told him that we all have peaks and valleys...
if you stay on top of the peak it becomes mundane.
You have to go into the valley to appreciate the peaks.
we had a really good conversation...
He didn't go to school, but he calmed down.
I had my boobie MRI yesterday...
no results yet...
but my low back is hurting.
I had to lie still on my belly...
boobs hanging through 2 cut outs in the table...
for 1.5 hours.
It was a good exercise in mindful relaxation.
I am nervous about hearing the results...
I hope by the end of next week I know what it shows.
Whatever it shows I deal with...
it's that simple.
That's all that we can ever do...adapt and move forward.
I hope you are having a good Earth Day...
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
I wish it were as simple as stepping out of the shadows into Light.
I guess it is simple...
a simple paradigm shift from evil to good...
Who defines evil?
Who defines good?
Simple...but never easy.
We are in an age of 'Star Wars' type personalities...
egos battling...
good versus evil....
Light versus darkness.
It's hard to watch playing out in real life.
I watched a Caroline Myss TED talk today about choices....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KysuBl2m_w
It was intriguing.
I shared it with my young man...
I hope he watches it through.
I have given him numerous books to read...
amazing books...
and he never "gets around to them".
He called this week...
frustrated with his present foster family...
they don't like him...
they treat him worse than the others...
they won't just let him sit in his room, alone for hours...
they are questioning his isolation...
he wants to belong and be loved...
from a distance.
He is uncomfortable with close, consistent relationship.
He seems to need to have something to focus negative emotions on.
I asked him to work on reflecting upon his own thoughts and feelings and then communicating that to his foster parents.
I feel so badly for him. He has so much potential, but he will never realize it until he stops running and hiding.
My youngest had a full out melt down yesterday as he was leaving for school. It took me an hour to calm him down and figure out what was going on. He is worried about the future...anxiety at its best. He is worried about 10 years from now...
will he be rich, successful, happy?
he explained that he has only ever had glimpses of happiness.
I told him that we all have peaks and valleys...
if you stay on top of the peak it becomes mundane.
You have to go into the valley to appreciate the peaks.
we had a really good conversation...
He didn't go to school, but he calmed down.
I had my boobie MRI yesterday...
no results yet...
but my low back is hurting.
I had to lie still on my belly...
boobs hanging through 2 cut outs in the table...
for 1.5 hours.
It was a good exercise in mindful relaxation.
I am nervous about hearing the results...
I hope by the end of next week I know what it shows.
Whatever it shows I deal with...
it's that simple.
That's all that we can ever do...adapt and move forward.
I hope you are having a good Earth Day...
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
be Light
Hi Maggie,
I'm glad you found some joy this Easter. We all came together on Saturday. We colored eggs, laughed a lot, made a mess, and ate dinner.
On Sunday, I went for a walk - saved a turtle - it was in the middle of the road, so I carried it across - the way it was going. I came home and planted tulips my daughter gave me. It was quiet. One neighbor came to get her cat, who stayed with me while that neighbor visited family. And another came over for tea.
But...last night I was awake in the middle of the night. I was thinking about the current administration. I was thinking about individual men, and wondering why they were so dark, so uncaring, so focused on power and money that they are blinded to anything else.
I started to feel like Star Wars. I had this crazy thought that the baby boom was about manning up for a war between dark and light.
It felt big and inevitable. Like we have to choose sides.
It was hard to fall back to sleep.
Then today, I was walking outside with my little companion. We stepped off the side of the road to look for some mint, and she wanted to know why it was so dark. I said it was because there were big trees between us and the sun. We step out around them, and we are out in the Light.
It seemed like the answer to the dream.
Spring is here...Smile!!
Love and hugs from Clare
I'm glad you found some joy this Easter. We all came together on Saturday. We colored eggs, laughed a lot, made a mess, and ate dinner.
On Sunday, I went for a walk - saved a turtle - it was in the middle of the road, so I carried it across - the way it was going. I came home and planted tulips my daughter gave me. It was quiet. One neighbor came to get her cat, who stayed with me while that neighbor visited family. And another came over for tea.
But...last night I was awake in the middle of the night. I was thinking about the current administration. I was thinking about individual men, and wondering why they were so dark, so uncaring, so focused on power and money that they are blinded to anything else.
I started to feel like Star Wars. I had this crazy thought that the baby boom was about manning up for a war between dark and light.
It felt big and inevitable. Like we have to choose sides.
It was hard to fall back to sleep.
Then today, I was walking outside with my little companion. We stepped off the side of the road to look for some mint, and she wanted to know why it was so dark. I said it was because there were big trees between us and the sun. We step out around them, and we are out in the Light.
It seemed like the answer to the dream.
Spring is here...Smile!!
Love and hugs from Clare
Sunday, April 16, 2017
peace filled
Clare,
I am so tired. It has been a very busy week...
too many things to even remember...
but running one day to the next.
I was looking at my weekend schedule for the next 6 weeks and we are traveling or working until Memorial Day....
that exhausts me.
I had all 4 kids here today...
with 3 significant others...
husband worked for the weekend...
I was able to spend several hours just sitting and chatting with my kids and their partners...
it was lovely.
my daughters were helping in the kitchen...
we all ate together...
it was relaxed and satisfying.
Perhaps we are growing up as a family.
I have no great insights...
I am hardly able to think.
I just really need a good night's sleep.
I hope your holiday was peace filled.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
I am so tired. It has been a very busy week...
too many things to even remember...
but running one day to the next.
I was looking at my weekend schedule for the next 6 weeks and we are traveling or working until Memorial Day....
that exhausts me.
I had all 4 kids here today...
with 3 significant others...
husband worked for the weekend...
I was able to spend several hours just sitting and chatting with my kids and their partners...
it was lovely.
my daughters were helping in the kitchen...
we all ate together...
it was relaxed and satisfying.
Perhaps we are growing up as a family.
I have no great insights...
I am hardly able to think.
I just really need a good night's sleep.
I hope your holiday was peace filled.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Monday, April 10, 2017
and again...
Hi Maggie,
I got in here last evening, and I was typing my little heart out...I had a lengthy post, and then I did something and everything disappeared except the last two letters I had typed. So I shut it down and decided to wait and try again today.
It is not the first time that such magic has issued from my non-technological fingertips!!
So, I think I mentioned, last night, that there is a difference between having some boring things to face at work and having nowhere to grow. And no raises in sight...and she did have an agreement with her boss and with the owner. But the owner freaked out, and broke her commitment.
And she enrolled to begin school just after her surgery - not good planning. But I had read that my governor was pushing legislation to make state universities tuition free for kids from families making less than $125,000 per year. So I suggested she wait...and it passed!!!!!!! Now maybe she can get an education without the burden of student loans equal to a mortgage.
I am excited about these changes...It gives me hope.
I want an update as soon as you have the MRI. I want you to call when you need to talk...How are you doing?
I talked about a Quaker retreat we held last weekend. I did more leading than ever before. Friends noticed and commented. Friends are kind people. We talked about nurture. How do we nurture our meetings? Then the afternoon session was: How do we allow ourselves to be nurtured? That had some vividly emotional moments...partially because of the query, patially because we are creating a safe place.
Good work!
We talked about naming gifts - the good and the bad aspects of it. I saw it as being positive...probably because I saw it as being noticed. I never thought about the downside of potentially being locked into a position or expectation.
I am trying to understand my gift. One odd thing I have noticed about myself is that I tend to speak last. And I have noticed this before. I speak, I feel a rush of spirit, and everyone falls into worship. It has happened often enough hat it must be a thing...but I have no idea what kind of thing!!
What I noticed about leading is that in creating a sacred space, and in maintaining awareness, I am bobbing on the water, and allowing others to dive deep. A Friend once noted that we may be in different places, but we are all in the same river. I nver thought out depth,though, I had only considered wading...
Lots to think about.
Then, yesterday morning as I cleaned I listened to several talks by Gabor Mate, exploring addiction. Are you familiar with his work? I recommend you listen to him...
Latish, so sending love and hugs,
Clare
I got in here last evening, and I was typing my little heart out...I had a lengthy post, and then I did something and everything disappeared except the last two letters I had typed. So I shut it down and decided to wait and try again today.
It is not the first time that such magic has issued from my non-technological fingertips!!
So, I think I mentioned, last night, that there is a difference between having some boring things to face at work and having nowhere to grow. And no raises in sight...and she did have an agreement with her boss and with the owner. But the owner freaked out, and broke her commitment.
And she enrolled to begin school just after her surgery - not good planning. But I had read that my governor was pushing legislation to make state universities tuition free for kids from families making less than $125,000 per year. So I suggested she wait...and it passed!!!!!!! Now maybe she can get an education without the burden of student loans equal to a mortgage.
I am excited about these changes...It gives me hope.
I want an update as soon as you have the MRI. I want you to call when you need to talk...How are you doing?
I talked about a Quaker retreat we held last weekend. I did more leading than ever before. Friends noticed and commented. Friends are kind people. We talked about nurture. How do we nurture our meetings? Then the afternoon session was: How do we allow ourselves to be nurtured? That had some vividly emotional moments...partially because of the query, patially because we are creating a safe place.
Good work!
We talked about naming gifts - the good and the bad aspects of it. I saw it as being positive...probably because I saw it as being noticed. I never thought about the downside of potentially being locked into a position or expectation.
I am trying to understand my gift. One odd thing I have noticed about myself is that I tend to speak last. And I have noticed this before. I speak, I feel a rush of spirit, and everyone falls into worship. It has happened often enough hat it must be a thing...but I have no idea what kind of thing!!
What I noticed about leading is that in creating a sacred space, and in maintaining awareness, I am bobbing on the water, and allowing others to dive deep. A Friend once noted that we may be in different places, but we are all in the same river. I nver thought out depth,though, I had only considered wading...
Lots to think about.
Then, yesterday morning as I cleaned I listened to several talks by Gabor Mate, exploring addiction. Are you familiar with his work? I recommend you listen to him...
Latish, so sending love and hugs,
Clare
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Holistic fair
Hey Clare,
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's employment. Every job has boring aspects...
things we would prefer not to do...
I think we have to look for a way to make those things meaningful...
or tolerable...
and enjoy the aspects that spark us.
I spent hours putting stickers on cards and stuffing envelopes...
I sent a picture text message to my daughters of me sitting with all of that around me...
I wrote,"I'm glad I have an MD and MSW for this!".
Your daughter will find work that satisfies her. She took her boss by surprise...
people don't like to be taken by surprise. Perhaps, now that the boss has had time to think and process she might allow your daughter to continue on until she replaces her.
Is your daughter in school? I think I remember seeing her enrolled in a program...perhaps she needs to concentrate there and work towards the next step?
I spent today at a holistic fair...
it was OK...
nothing ground breaking.
I got some people excited about Kombucha...
I talked with people about our body-centered trauma program...
I spoke with a man about supplements...
he is a neurologist-turned into a supplement seller.
He was very interesting 1 on 1...
but I went to a talk he gave and he was so scattered I had no idea what his point was.
Anyway- he offered me samples of two drinks that are healthy supplements...
I asked if they were vegetarian- he assured me they were.
Then we were talking about cancer and he showed me a capsule...
told me they were great antioxidant supplements and offered me one...
after I took it he told me there is fish oil in them...
I asked why he gave it to me knowing I was a vegetarian...
he apologized but didn't feel that fish oil would "hurt me"...
I was offended that he would make a choice for me...
and angry at myself for not checking prior to taking it...
I learned a valuable lesson...
that's the positive spin on this.
The one cool thing that a few of my friends did at the holistic fair was to have a drawing of their spirit guides...there is a man who can sense the spirit guides and then draw their image in pencil. He told them about the guide and each of them felt it was a dead relative who had been important to them. The pictures were pretty interesting.
I saw my doctor yesterday. He ordered a study to look at the chest wall area around the implant...
making sure nothing is lurking under or around there. He injected a particularly painful spot with local anesthetic thinking it was a neuroma...that hasn't made a difference in the pulling sensation that I am feeling. MRI is scheduled for 2 weeks from now.
Thanks for talking the other day...I'm still working on how I feel about everything. But I am feeling again...at least a little.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's employment. Every job has boring aspects...
things we would prefer not to do...
I think we have to look for a way to make those things meaningful...
or tolerable...
and enjoy the aspects that spark us.
I spent hours putting stickers on cards and stuffing envelopes...
I sent a picture text message to my daughters of me sitting with all of that around me...
I wrote,"I'm glad I have an MD and MSW for this!".
Your daughter will find work that satisfies her. She took her boss by surprise...
people don't like to be taken by surprise. Perhaps, now that the boss has had time to think and process she might allow your daughter to continue on until she replaces her.
Is your daughter in school? I think I remember seeing her enrolled in a program...perhaps she needs to concentrate there and work towards the next step?
I spent today at a holistic fair...
it was OK...
nothing ground breaking.
I got some people excited about Kombucha...
I talked with people about our body-centered trauma program...
I spoke with a man about supplements...
he is a neurologist-turned into a supplement seller.
He was very interesting 1 on 1...
but I went to a talk he gave and he was so scattered I had no idea what his point was.
Anyway- he offered me samples of two drinks that are healthy supplements...
I asked if they were vegetarian- he assured me they were.
Then we were talking about cancer and he showed me a capsule...
told me they were great antioxidant supplements and offered me one...
after I took it he told me there is fish oil in them...
I asked why he gave it to me knowing I was a vegetarian...
he apologized but didn't feel that fish oil would "hurt me"...
I was offended that he would make a choice for me...
and angry at myself for not checking prior to taking it...
I learned a valuable lesson...
that's the positive spin on this.
The one cool thing that a few of my friends did at the holistic fair was to have a drawing of their spirit guides...there is a man who can sense the spirit guides and then draw their image in pencil. He told them about the guide and each of them felt it was a dead relative who had been important to them. The pictures were pretty interesting.
I saw my doctor yesterday. He ordered a study to look at the chest wall area around the implant...
making sure nothing is lurking under or around there. He injected a particularly painful spot with local anesthetic thinking it was a neuroma...that hasn't made a difference in the pulling sensation that I am feeling. MRI is scheduled for 2 weeks from now.
Thanks for talking the other day...I'm still working on how I feel about everything. But I am feeling again...at least a little.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
spring-ing
Hi Maggie,
The first crocuses have opened. The peepers are making themselves heard. I can relax. Spring is coming. I feel so anxious every year. And then it goes so fast.
I knew it was coming though. I want my rake! Actually, I need a new one!
We celebrated my grandson's birthday on Saturday. Because of the ongoing rain, it was at the bowling alley. Lots of people. Lots of noise. I watched my grandson, and he is me. Kind of at a loss in a crowd. I wasn't sure how I felt about it...
I have a F/friend who was very involved with AVP. She does a lot of work in Indonesia, with workshops which must include both Muslim and Christian participants. She has seen a lot of trauma, and has developed a deeper understanding. As a result, she has started doing trauma workshops.Part of the work is learning to play. She is taking people back through the steps they missed by being raised in war.
I love it when brilliant minds work alike. It means they have landed on a truth.
I heard through the grapevine that family came for your daughter's performance. I heard that she was funny and professional. That the play was quite good...I am glad we are developing new ways of communicating, of being relaxed and making new memories, of reaching out. I have a feeling, as mean and disrespectful as it sounds, that this new ease is because Dad is among the ancestors. He is working with us from the other side, and has dropped the veneer of mean and critical and controlling. And so we can relax and be ourselves.
We just have to make sure no one steps in to fill that void. We need to let it fill up with laughter and togetherness.
My oldest sent me an hour long video of a prof exploring the fact that addictions are normal, expected in today's culture. I am really curious about where his talk will go. If it is good I will send it to you...
And, I don't usually talk about my kids here, because it is supposed to be about me. But one of mine was becoming bored at her job. There was nowhere to move up. Her boss refused to give her a raise, even though people in her position in other offices make $2 - $3 more an hour. So she decided she was going to look for something with more potential. She discussed it with her immediate supervisor, promising not to leave until after her supervisor had her vacation in July.
I was extremely proud of her for being so upfront and honest. Especially since this is an all women business which prides itself on teamwork.
Basically, the owner stressed out, freaked out and decided to let my daughter go now. Her supervisor, who knows how much my kid does, pleaded, and got 'til the end of the month, so they can hire and train someone.
My kid is feeling so betrayed. I am afraid that she is learning to hide and lie. That everything in the professional world is a poker game. Bluff and win. I am afraid that all the feminine leadership, cooperation, team-building is a sham.
But, as I am reminding my daughter, this is a time to test faith. She has been in worse places, and allways landed on her feet, and in a better place.
We seem to be in a time of great changes. For everyone. I can feel it around me. I'm not sure if I am excited or frightened...a bit of both, I think.
Sending love and hugs,
Clare
The first crocuses have opened. The peepers are making themselves heard. I can relax. Spring is coming. I feel so anxious every year. And then it goes so fast.
I knew it was coming though. I want my rake! Actually, I need a new one!
We celebrated my grandson's birthday on Saturday. Because of the ongoing rain, it was at the bowling alley. Lots of people. Lots of noise. I watched my grandson, and he is me. Kind of at a loss in a crowd. I wasn't sure how I felt about it...
I have a F/friend who was very involved with AVP. She does a lot of work in Indonesia, with workshops which must include both Muslim and Christian participants. She has seen a lot of trauma, and has developed a deeper understanding. As a result, she has started doing trauma workshops.Part of the work is learning to play. She is taking people back through the steps they missed by being raised in war.
I love it when brilliant minds work alike. It means they have landed on a truth.
I heard through the grapevine that family came for your daughter's performance. I heard that she was funny and professional. That the play was quite good...I am glad we are developing new ways of communicating, of being relaxed and making new memories, of reaching out. I have a feeling, as mean and disrespectful as it sounds, that this new ease is because Dad is among the ancestors. He is working with us from the other side, and has dropped the veneer of mean and critical and controlling. And so we can relax and be ourselves.
We just have to make sure no one steps in to fill that void. We need to let it fill up with laughter and togetherness.
My oldest sent me an hour long video of a prof exploring the fact that addictions are normal, expected in today's culture. I am really curious about where his talk will go. If it is good I will send it to you...
And, I don't usually talk about my kids here, because it is supposed to be about me. But one of mine was becoming bored at her job. There was nowhere to move up. Her boss refused to give her a raise, even though people in her position in other offices make $2 - $3 more an hour. So she decided she was going to look for something with more potential. She discussed it with her immediate supervisor, promising not to leave until after her supervisor had her vacation in July.
I was extremely proud of her for being so upfront and honest. Especially since this is an all women business which prides itself on teamwork.
Basically, the owner stressed out, freaked out and decided to let my daughter go now. Her supervisor, who knows how much my kid does, pleaded, and got 'til the end of the month, so they can hire and train someone.
My kid is feeling so betrayed. I am afraid that she is learning to hide and lie. That everything in the professional world is a poker game. Bluff and win. I am afraid that all the feminine leadership, cooperation, team-building is a sham.
But, as I am reminding my daughter, this is a time to test faith. She has been in worse places, and allways landed on her feet, and in a better place.
We seem to be in a time of great changes. For everyone. I can feel it around me. I'm not sure if I am excited or frightened...a bit of both, I think.
Sending love and hugs,
Clare
Sunday, April 2, 2017
familiarity
Clare,
It's been a busy week. I went to a conference yesterday by Bruce Perry...
a child psychiatrist who has worked extensively in trauma and neglect.
The coolest thing he does is to look at what didn't happen during development...
what brain development is lacking because of the adversity of childhood experiences. He finds activities, games, play that allows those gaps to be made up for people who experienced trauma or neglect. He wrote the book The Boy Who Was Raised By Dogs...
I haven't read his book...
but his journal articles/research is pretty interesting.
He doesn't go to medications until he's tried body centered activities to allow brain development and catch up...
it is so heartening to hear experts saying, "work through the body".
I met some interesting people at the conference...
some that I can learn from.
Last evening Momma, S#3, S#5 and her husband joined us at my daughter's show. Momma and S#5 had never seen my daughter act before. The show was fun...
daughter did really well...
we all had fun.
It was good to laugh.
We sat with daughter's boyfriend's parents...
they were very nice.
We had not met them yet. They were surrounded by our family and friends...
but they tolerated us well.
Today we sat around the table and just chatted, it was relaxed and comfortable. I like the sense of familiarity that is developing here. Maybe the ancestors are brokering connection here.
I'm going to work on my lecture...
too much to do...
as usual!
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
It's been a busy week. I went to a conference yesterday by Bruce Perry...
a child psychiatrist who has worked extensively in trauma and neglect.
The coolest thing he does is to look at what didn't happen during development...
what brain development is lacking because of the adversity of childhood experiences. He finds activities, games, play that allows those gaps to be made up for people who experienced trauma or neglect. He wrote the book The Boy Who Was Raised By Dogs...
I haven't read his book...
but his journal articles/research is pretty interesting.
He doesn't go to medications until he's tried body centered activities to allow brain development and catch up...
it is so heartening to hear experts saying, "work through the body".
I met some interesting people at the conference...
some that I can learn from.
Last evening Momma, S#3, S#5 and her husband joined us at my daughter's show. Momma and S#5 had never seen my daughter act before. The show was fun...
daughter did really well...
we all had fun.
It was good to laugh.
We sat with daughter's boyfriend's parents...
they were very nice.
We had not met them yet. They were surrounded by our family and friends...
but they tolerated us well.
Today we sat around the table and just chatted, it was relaxed and comfortable. I like the sense of familiarity that is developing here. Maybe the ancestors are brokering connection here.
I'm going to work on my lecture...
too much to do...
as usual!
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
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